The Three Stooges
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| I only kept this one because it showed their names pretty clearly |
Before I go on, let me apologize for the quality of the pictures. They are awful. And it's not for lack of trying, oh no. My wife and I both took turns trying to get decent pictures of these assholes, but they move fast, they gang up on you, and it's generally difficult to just stand still enough to get clear pictures. I don't ever do this, but for these guys, here's a link to a wiki page that shows clear pictures of what they look like.
Okay, when you enter the fog gate, three names pop up on your screen: Afflicted Graverobber, Ancient Soldier Varg, and Cerah, the Old Explorer. The first thing you'll notice right off the bat is that Varg looks exactly like Havel. He wears full Havel hear, and uses his Dragon Tooth weapon and his Greatshield. I didn't notice it when I fought them, but reading that small wiki page above, the other two are also dressed in gear from other characters from the game (that would be Graverobber wearing Alva's armor, and Cerah wearing Lucatiel's mask). I have no idea the significance of this, but I'm very curious to find out. Since they don't drop souls when you kill them, I'll have to do some sleuthing.
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| See? Havel's set. Complete with huge dong hammer |
This battle is essentially a battle against three NPC invader phantoms. Obviously, they aren't red phantoms, but they are similiar: they have massive amounts of health, and they run around like crazy. When you first enter the gigantic room (more on it soon), you'll see the names pop up, and you'll see two NPC's running at you. These are Varg and the Graverobber. Cerah stands back and shoots great arrows. As I said, Varg uses Havel's shield and Dragon Tooth, and he hits extraordinarily hard. He slams it down, he pirouettes with it, and in general just swings it around like a beast. I had the hardest time taking him out. He can easily deplete stamina in a swing or two, and his damn weapon packs a huge punch. He also can run pretty damn fast with all that heavy armor on.
The Afflicted Graverobber uses dual Berserker Blades. He slashes quickly with them, but he wasn't quite the problem that fake-Havel there was. The problem with both of them is that they both chase you, and they stay by each other's side. So you can't have one without the other. Finally, Cerah shoots those huge great arrows that knock you down. If you get close enough, she (or he? Not sure of the genders of any, but Cerah sounds feminine) replaces the giant bow with an estoc. A few final notes before I divulge my amazing, unique strategy: although it never happened to me, they can backstab you. Be careful for that. In turn, though, you can backstab them. Anything that can happen in a PvP match can happen here. Apparently they use Estus Flasks also, but I didn't experience this.
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| This would actually be a decent picture of Cerah if I wasn't locked on to her |
Sadly, these three were the only of the three boss battles in the DLC that I actually could solo. My strategy? Use the boss room (and their stupid AI) to your advantage. When you first walk into the room, you're on an almost-bridge like area. To either side are holes, but they just lead to lower levels. These are smaller areas that have pooled with water. Those petrify statues (both the stationary ones and the walking cluster ones) show up down here, but they are hardly a problem. Both sides of the lower areas have ramps leading back up to the main area. Firstly, I took out Cerah, who seems to have the least amount of health. My strategy for this was to run up to her, slash once while running (maybe twice if you have time), and then jump down to the water below. Varg and the Graverobber followed me down into the water, while Cerah stood up at the top still. Then, I'd run up the ramp, and run up to Cerah (be careful of those damn arrows. They hurt tremendously and they knock you on your ass), and slash once or twice again, then jump back in the water. Eventually, Cerah will start moving around too, but she doesn't follow you in the way the other two do, so she's always isolated, and you can get in hits before the other two catch up. If you just keep running, you can take out Cerah easily enough. Now, onto the real annoying part: taking out Graverobber and Varg.
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| Probably the best one I got of Graverobber |
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| Graverobber attacking, while Varg waits his turn |
My strategy for taking out these two was similar to the Cerah strategy, wherein I would lead them to the right side of the room, and down into a small pool area. Generally, Graverobber would jump down first, and I got hit him once or twice, before Varg showed up as backup. Then, I'd run/roll past them, up the little ramp, wait for them to follow, and repeat that basic action. It's not fun in a traditional sense, but it worked for me. In general, this is a weak boss battle to do solo, because I truly believe this is the only way to really work them down. Otherwise, you'd have to stand toe-to-toe with both Graverobber and Varg, and that just seems impossible. I recently watched an "Impressions" video from a YouTuber named VaatiVidya (an awesome channel for all manner of Souls stuff, I'd highly suggest checking him out), and he mentioned this as the worst of the three boss battles, but in fairness, apparently it's meant as more of a co-op battle. I could see this being an awesome co-op battle, and I fully intend to try it on my next playthrough of the DLC.
Okay, so you've taken out Cerah, and after much attrition, you've killed the Graverobber in a similar way. Now, you're left with Varg. I distinctly remember killing Havel in Dark Souls by backstabbing him when I got the chance. I'm not sure why I didn't try this here. Instead, I still did the same basic thing: led him to one of the ledges, and jumped down myself. I then tried to get a hit on him as he fell behind me, before he could attack. With a combination of this, and legitimately trying to fight him, I took him out. The entire battle took a good 10-15 minutes, if not even a little bit more. I was happy to at least beat one day boss on this DLC by myself. The rewards aren't amazing, but it was still satisfying to beat them. I mean, you're not gonna buy the $10 DLC and not beat all the bosses, optional or not, right?
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| At least my message was rated |
As I mentioned above, we had an atrocious time taking pictures. Part of this was because I kept dying trying to get to the boss. The bonfire isn't too far, but you have to run through a gauntlet of bullshit to get to the fog gate. The dark room full of the statues and soldiers is where I died 90% of the time. It's tough to find your way in general, but it's much tougher when you're trying to run and avoid all that crap that's getting spat at you. It got frustrating. And of course, after this, you can't just run through the final few enemies in the next area, because they will gang up and kill you as you try to walk through the fog gate. So you have to kill three soldiers, cut down a few statues, kill at least one of the walking cluster of statues (because I was petrified and killed down here, before I could reach the fog gate), and really, it just gets old after a few tries. It reminds me of the problems I had getting to the Executioner's Chariot boss battle. After our third attempt at getting good pictures, I just said screw it, because I would have wasted my whole night trying to get good ones.
This is the weakest of the three boss battles here, but strangely, it's the easiest. I'm very curious if there is any background info on these three, and why they are dressed the way they are. They are completely optional, so I don't have a problem with this battle being on the stranger (or, more gimmicky, in the way you have to kill them) side. It's the same with the Ancient Dragon from the main game: lots of people bitched at how unfair/unfun that battle was, but I didn't have a problem with it. It's optional, you fools!
Anyway, I'll have one more boss post for the final boss of this excellent DLC. Luckily the next DLC chapter is out at the end of August, and hopefully I'll be getting it then. So, after my next post (which should be Monday, 8/4), there won't be any more Dark Souls II stuff for three-or-so weeks. Look out for a B-LOG SLAYING post for Batman: Arkham Origins, and maybe one other too, in the coming weeks. As always, thanks for reading!
Times I died: 3
Difficulty: 8/10
Rating: 6/10
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