On Not Writing About Dark Souls II Anymore (more notes)

BURNT RIGHT THE HELL OUT

    Like all my note posts, I'll keep this short and sweet. I'm putting my post on the "Crown of the Ivory King" DLC for Dark Souls II on indefinite hiatus. It doesn't mean I won't eventually write about it, however. But, it's been so long since I played and beat it, and I just can't commit anymore time to DSII right now. I've probably never wanted to write anything less than I want to do that write up. If you're disappointed (you're not. I know no one is. It's okay, my feelings aren't hurt), I'm deeply sorry. Also, I won't be writing a post about the optional boss(es) in that DLC, Lud and Zallen, the King's Pets. It's just another fight with a tiger, like Aava, but you have to fight two of them. And they are black instead of white. I honestly never even got to them. To me, it was NOT WORTH going through the Frigid Outskirts to fight a lazy, re-used boss. Anyway, with rumors of perhaps more DLC coming, I'm not sure when I'll play it (if it does indeed come out). When I do, I will try my very absolute personal best to get a write up of it up in a timely manner. Thanks for sticking with me, broskis and brodettes.

Burnt Ivory King

Closing the DLC out with another human with a sword!

    Once you make your way through the DLC, beat Aava, find  some Loyce Knights, and jump down into the Old Chaos, you're ready to fight the final boss of this Ivory King chapter. And let me say, it's a doozy. First, I'd like to discuss the interesting new mechanic that is introduced with this DLC (I think all the DLCs bring something cool to the table, whether it was the environmental puzzles of the "Sunken Crown" DLC, or the ashen idols of the "Iron King" DLC, or the Loyce Knights of this one. I'm glad From tried to do different things with each chapter). To make the final battle quite a bit easier (but don't worry, it's still aggravating and tedious), you can recruit three Loyce Knights hidden around Frozen Eleum Loyce. These three are all tough to find and the areas where they are locked away can be difficult to get through, but they really make the final battle much more manageable. 

    So, let's say you have your four Loyce Knights (you get one by default, and the other three need to be found) and you're ready to go. Well, where DO you go, exactly? Only probably one of the coolest looking places in the entire game! Once your find the Grand Cathedral and talk to the mysterious queen there (I don't recall her name, but she's the one controlling all the ice and snow (I assume), and the one that tells you to turn back right at the beginning), she'll melt some ice all throughout the DLC, and this will grant you access to new areas. One such area is directly behind the "throne room" of the Grand Cathedral. It's a round room, and the four Loyce Knights stand there, waiting for you. There's a fog gate too. Could you guess that the fog gate leads to the final boss? I mean, it looks ominous enough, right? Let's "jump on in" and find out! 

    I gave you a little hint right there! When you walk through the fog gate at the back of the Grand Cathedral, you jump down a long hole. Except "jump" is the wrong word. Immediately after you step through, you fall. And you fall for quite some time too, I might add. Sort of like the fall into the Abyss to fight the Four Kings in the first Dark Souls. Obviously when you land you don't take damage. After you and your loyal Knights fall down this long hole, you'll end up in Old Chaos. And talk about stunning! It's a large circular arena. You'll notice that there are three large doors (or portals) on the outside of the arena. You'll also notice the whole arena is surrounded by flowing lava and fire. It's quite a contrast to the blue and white snowy bullshit you've dealt with thus far. Finally, you'll notice huge, branch-like things hanging above you. They sort of look like parts of the Bed Of Chaos. Hmm. Bed Of Chaos? Old Chaos? I'm fairly sure there are some connections between the two, but I'm honestly not sure exactly what they are. It's pretty great anyway. And this whole area really looks spectacular, and it's one of my favorite areas of all the DLCs (maybe even the whole game). 

    Once you land, and after you're done marvelling at the scenery, it's time to begin this long, arduous battle. At first, three Charred Loyce Knights (they are charred black, compared to the normal silver ones that are your allies) come out of each of the large portals. You need to fight these Knights. Well, that's pretty obvious right? What DON'T you need to fight in this damn game? Vendors and NPC's I suppose. But that's beside the point. You fight these Knights, and now they keep spawning from the portals. You'll only fight six at time. I don't know if it's possible to fight more, but I only saw six. Each Knight isn't too difficult, but they are great at ganging up on you. And they will, too. They almost seem to ignore your knight allies. Which can get very frustrating, especially if you need to heal. I found healing to be difficult as well, because if you try to stop for a second, one or two of the enemy knights will smash you good. I died SEVERAL times just trying to heal.

You can see a few knights coming out of their portals.

    My basic strategy was to just run around the arena like a maniac, and try to draw one or two away from the huge gang-style fight that takes place in the middle of the arena. If you can fight one-on-one, they only take 5-6 hits to kill. Again, it can be tough to separate just one from the pack. However, as this large battle goes on, your Loyce Knight compatriots will sacrifice themselves to freeze those portals closed, so these charred knights don't infinitely spawn. As you fight, up to three of your knights will end up freezing the portals closed. Once you either freeze all three portals, or kill enough of the charred knights (in case you don't have three Loyce Knights with you to freeze the portals), a gigantic portal rises from the ground, at the end of the arena. After close to a full minute (well, maybe 30 seconds at least) of the gigantic portal rising up, the boss steps through it. 

    And guess what?? He's a human boss who wields a sword! Besides his boring appearance and similar design to several of the other DLC bosses, he's not bad. Just... uninspired. He's like a slower version of Sir Alonne. And as you guys know, I need to fight Sir Alonne again like I need a fucking flea infestation. This battle, however, ends in the strangest way I've ever seen a battle end in 4+ years playing Souls games. But probably not in a way you might expect.

Through the fire and flames

 
    Okay, so beside the fact that the Burnt King is boring to look out, he's a decent boss. The fact that you have to fight through the charred Knights first adds a new depth to the battle. I will say, it gets awfully tedious after a few times though, having to kill all those damn knights over and over again before even getting to the boss. I only died fourteen times to the boss, but I died at least ten (hell, probably more than that) more times than that just fighting all the Charred Knights. I've seen people online say that this fight is really like a giant battle, what with you, and your knights (and any summons) fighting a large group of other knights. I can agree with this partially. While it's great to see all the knights clashing and battling each other, again, it gets old after awhile. I appreciate From doing something different, and dare I say "epic" (not the frat guy, super-overused, devoid-of-all-meaning "epic". More like, "two warring bands of knights are fighting each other to the death" kind of "epic"), it just gets to be too much. 

    Boy, that paragraph didn't exactly go where I wanted to. Let's ACTUALLY talk about the fight with the Burnt Ivory King now. When he comes through the portal, he is invincible for a few seconds. After that, he's ready to attack. He has a few attacks, and they mainly consist of sword slices and thrusts. He'll come at you with various sword slashes, and he likes to jump up to slash too. He's slow anyway, but his jumping attacks seem to be especially sluggish. They are the easiest of his attacks to dodge. The name of this game is just getting the dodging timing down. At some point, he'll buff his sword (how original!!), and it'll become engulfed in a light blue light. I assume it's probably magic, but I'm not 100% sure. But his sword becomes much larger and longer. And just like with Fume Knight, Smelter Demon, and Alonne, this buffed, big sword breaks my brain. I had a much tougher time dodging this buffed sword, as opposed to his regular one. With his buffed sword, he can impale and throw you, which causes huge damage, as you can well imagine. He will also plunge his sword into the ground and cause huge icy spikes to come up in the area immediately around him. Similar to Aava's AoE attack. Now, I  believe he only does those two attacks when his sword is buffed. Good news though, at least the buff doesn't last through the whole fight. It'll run out eventually. 

    I tried this battle with three Loyce Knights, four Loyce Knights, an NPC summon, and both one and two human summons (again, along with the Knights). How did I finally best the Burnt Ivory King? Well, on my successful run, I summoned two human players. So there was a total of seven of us, and by the time we got to the Ivory King, it would be a four-on-one. We all made very quick work of the charred knights, then waited patiently for the king to come. He came, and the battle went on as normal for probably ten to fifteen seconds. I'm not sure what happened next, but the king froze (how ironic really!). As in, he just stood still and didn't move. At first I was dumbfounded. I hadn't experienced any kind of glitch like this before in a Souls game. He was being attacked by four guys, and he just stood and took it all. Didn't budge once, until his health got down to about a quarter, and he fell back slightly. But after that, he continued to remain motionless, like he was one of those guards in front of Buckingham Palace in the UK. All I could do was laugh as the four of us whaled on this still asshole. Sure, it felt cheap. Was I supposed to just quit and restart because it "wasn't a fair fight"? No, fuck that. This was probably the most fitting end I could have hoped for, in regards to this DLC. It's like the game knew how sick and tired I was of playing it, so it offered a punching bag as a branch of peace. So," Crown Of The Ivory King", thank you very much for glitching the final boss.

Blurry disco-dancing Burnt Ivory King

    I would have beaten him eventually anyway. But there is such a thing as burnout, and I've mentioned it a few times already. It's a really shitty feeling to attach to your favorite series of all time, let me tell you what. But sometimes, we just gotta stop, stand back, and just play something else for awhile. I'm gonna come back to DSII at some point. I'd really like to go through these DLCs again with a character on NG, instead of NG++, and see how much easier the bosses are. We'll see when that ever happens. 

    So, children, that's the tale I have to spin about the Burnt Ivory King. Sorry if it's not up to snuff completely, but I beat him probably two weeks ago. I haven't had a chance to write about it until right now. I've been very behind on this blog, and have spent the better part of two weeks trying to catch up. Also, sorry for the lack of pictures, and of their general qaulity. This was one of those situations where I really didn't want to waste valuable times/attempts just trying to get good pictures. So deal with it, ya clowns! At any rate, I am just about caught up with this blog. Once I do the write up for the overview of this DLC, I'll be all set. Look for that hopefully very soon (this week), and keep your eyes peeled for some retro B-LOG SLAYINGS!


Times I died: 14
Difficulty: 8/10
Rating: 6/10

Aava, the King's Pet

Heavy petting?

    Here we are, ladies and gents: the final DLC for Dark Souls II, and the final few posts about the game I'll make. I think 40+ separate posts about one game is probably enough. Also, I just need to really get past this game. Not in an I'm-obsessing-over-an-old-girlfriend-and-I-need-to-get-past-her way, but more as an actual physical blockade that needs to be pushed through. What is Dark Souls II and its wonderful DLCs blocking, you might (but probably not) ask? Well, my goddamn backlog, of course! It's STILL AT 95 games! While that looms large over me like some sort of space-age, evolution-quickening monolith, I continue to just sit here and play this game which I have over 150 hours on on one character. This is all rambling at this point, but what I'm trying to say is this: I feebly tried to fight and kill a giant tiger. Here are my exploits!

    The final chapter of DLC, "Crown of the Ivory King", will, of course, have its own post, once I successfully finish it. Hopefully it will take less time than the Iron King chapter did. At any rate, this is the first boss I encountered in this DLC. Her name is Aava, and she's the King's pet (obviously). I don't know for certain that Aava is a female, but I've seen her referenced as such online, so what the hell, I'll go with it. This battle can be fought about two minutes into the DLC, but that would be a hilariously fatal thing to do. As always, I tried to keep myself from reading about the DLC before I jumped into it. And, as always, I DID read a little about it before I jumped in. I did know that, after the first bonfire, you can go left or right, and I remember reading (in more than one spot), do not go left! Aava is found there, but if you try to fight her without a specific item, you can't kill her. I didn't know why I couldn't fight her, or even what I needed to fight her with, so when I started the DLC, I didn't go left, and instead went right. Going right brings you through the first main area of the DLC. Eventually, I came upon a very ornate-looking corpse that was shining (even from a great distance I could see it). This corpse had an item called Eye of the Priestess. The description of it said something along the lines of being able to see things that which are normally unseen. I put two and two together, and wouldn't you know, it equaled four! Apparently, you need this item to fight Aava. Now, if you've put two and two together, you'll probably come to the conclusion that you can't fight Aava without this item because she is invisible! Ha, what a fun fight that would be. I'm sure someone will (or already has) beat Aava without the Eye of the Priestess. At any rate, you grab the eye, warp back to the first bonfire, and you're ready to fight another super annoying fucking DLC boss.

The calm during the storm

    Once you go down that left path, you'll soon meet a fog gate. On the way from the bonfire to the boss, there are two NPC summons (Masterless Glencour and old, venerable Steelheart Ellie). Don't worry, I'll get to them a little later (...sigh...). When you walk through the fog gate, you are in a long, slightly doglegged (I'd like to thank various Tiger Woods golf games for that versatile phrase) area. It's completely opened, and lined on either side with humongous statues. Once you walk about three-fourths of the way down, you'll see a large structure with a door, and a ledge above it.
    Walk a little closer and you'll see the boss, perched up on that ledge. This is Aava, a large white icy tiger. I really appreciate the fact that Aava is a monster boss, instead of a humanoid knight. There were not enough monster bosses in these DLCs, which was one of the most disappointing aspects of them. Besides Sinh, Aava, and the optional boss(es) of this DLC, all the other boss fights are either straight up humans/knights (Fume Knight, Sir Alonne, Burnt Ivory King, the Cave bosses) or demonic humanoids (blue Smelter and Elana). Just a bit of an aside rant, but it's kind of boring after awhile fighting the same sorts of enemies. At any rate, Aava is a pretty unique boss in the annals of Souls history. It's just a big tiger, but it looks awesome. Case in point:

She's a roaring good time!

    Aava doesn't have a huge array of attacks, and most are decently telegraphed. Despite this, I had a very difficult time fighting her. First of all, if you're close to her front or back, she can swipe her claws (VERY quickly, without warning) and hit you for big damage. I often found myself at her hind legs, hacking away, only for her to whip around with her claws and deal major damage to me. This was the attack that really had me reeling. Otherwise, she likes to jump around a lot. She will occasionally jump away from you, only to hop back and try to bite you. This attack is devastating, and unless you have full health, can kill you quickly. She'll also jump at you with claws. All the jumping attacks are pretty easy to dodge, in that you can just roll back, or even better, roll forward. This will set up for an attack or two as well. Aava has some magic attacks also. If you stay too close to her for too long, she'll pause and cause an outward explosion from her body. This one hurts quite a bit, and at first it always caught me off guard. Eventually though, you can see her rear up for it, and this gives you just enough time to roll back a few times to escape its radius (it's a pretty big radius). If you stay far away from her, she'll use a homing crystal mass-like spell, that shoots out five (I believe) soul masses, and they can track you. This isn't very difficult to dodge though. Usually, if I ran towards her as the masses form around her, I would arrive at her side, and the masses would miss me. Even if they don't, if the first does hit you, the other four will miss. And just one doesn't do huge damage. Finally, she will do an attack that makes icy spikes jut up from the ground all around her. I heard it described like the flame pillars, but except ice (obvi!). This one hurts like hell as well, but it's easy enough to run away from. Good time to heal as well.
    This was a very aggravating battle for me (what else is new?). At first, after a half-dozen-or-so attempts, I was thinking that it actually might not be a difficult battle. Of course, after another fifteen failed attempts or so, I was changing my song about that. I found it so tough because of all her close melee attacks. They are quick and tough to see coming (well, they were for me at least. Maybe I need glasses?). My general strategy was to go in, buff with flame weapon (you have plenty of space at the beginning area to buff/heal or anything like that, since the boss doesn't appear until you walk further down), and try to stay close and hack away. Of course, with her jumping all around, it was tough to stay close. But even if I did, I still paid the price anyway. I've bemoaned the fact before, but by this time, real Dark Souls II fatigue/burnout was setting in. That's not the full excuse for why I had such a tough time with this fight (an impatience at learning Aava's pattern being the main reason), but it's part of it.

When you get knocked down, you gotta get up again!

    So, in a similar fashion to almost every other boss across all three chapters of this DLC, I had to summon help. I just used the two NPC summons. Sure, they do horrible damage (with the three of us, I could do close to 400 damage, while they were whittling away with 80 damage at a time. WHY are these NPC summons so goddamn weak and pathetic?), but they provide an invaluable help: they draw large amounts of aggro. Those two could beat up (and get beat up. Seriously, why can't they roll out of the way?) on Aava if I needed a breather to heal or re-buff my sword. She generally would focus on them, and allow me free swings. It still took a few tries with my two idiotic companions, but we managed to pull through.
    I don't think there is a lot more I can add to this. The positives of the battle are that it's a monster, and not a knight. She looks great, and the little trick to actually being able to fight her is pretty cool. I found it exceptionally difficult, however, to consistently roll from her quick melee swipes. That's the most frustrating: the inconsistency of my own timing. I think a large problem is how slow my damn sword is. I really should downgrade to something fast. I will lose power (400 base power plus 226 dexterity bonus = pretty decent!), but in the end it'll probably be for the best. With Aava down, I have only TWO more Dark Souls II posts to write about: the overview of the Ivory King DLC, and the final boss of the DLC. There is an optional, "co-op" area to explore, and an optional boss to kill (much like Cave of the Dead and Iron Passage), but I am not doing those at this present time. Perhaps, someday in the future, after I've been away from the game for a few weeks, I'll try again. But it is just not worth the EXTREME aggravation to get through one of the toughest areas in all of Dark Souls II, only to fight a very lazy, annoying boss fight. I'll get into more detail in the Ivory King post. So, until then, he's one more picture of a big kitty-kat, and my final death stats:

Roar?

Times I died: 24
Difficulty: 9/10
Rating: 6/10

Smelter Demon (Iron King DLC variant)

What is this, Mortal Kombat?

     So, you've beaten Fume Knight, huh? Great job! And Sir Alonne? Ha, piece of cake, amiright? Well, what else is there to do with this fine DLC? What else is there to kill? What's that? You want a re-skin of a boss from the main game? Oh, you...DON'T want a re-skin of a boss from the main game? Oh, well, too fucking bad! Enter the (blue) Smelter Demon!

He just blue himself

    Okay, this post doesn't have to be very long, because this is almost 100% the exact same battle as the optional one from the Iron Keep. There are a few differences, however. First, his appearance. Obviously, he's blue instead of red. This reflects the fact that instead of being infused with fire, he's infused with magic. So in that case, he's not weak to magic like the original one is. His blue-ness extends to his horns, his sword, and the core of his body. He still stops twice to buff his sword, and by the final one, it's a giant Blue Flaming Weapon of Horrible Death. Admittedly, he looks very cool. Maybe even more so than the original. Secondly, his horns are a little bit different as compared to his red brother. The original version in the Iron Keep has horns that stick more out to the side. This blue guy has them that stick straight up. A minor difference, and nothing that changes any aspect of the battle. Finally, when he does stop to buff himself (by either charging his sword, or plunging it into his core), he will let off an AoE blast, similar to the one he uses with the sword-jump-plunge attack. This is pretty evil on From's part, because at least the first time you fight him and he goes to buff, your natural instinct will most likely be to get some free hits in. The AoE prevents this.
    Before we get into any other part of the battle, I would just love to talk about the path to the boss. I already did in my Iron King DLC overview, but I might as well complain about it here too. Apparently, this area was designed as a sort of "co-op" area. While I appreciate the thought of making an area specifically for jolly cooperative play, this area is not fun, even with other summons. It's just jam-packed with dozens of enemies. It's tough to get through it with everyone intact. It's difficult, but doable, to run through the area, but it is very tedious. The whole ordeal (Iron Passage, it's called) makes you not want to even bother fighting this boss. Just knowing you have to either run (and die) or fight (with still a good chance at dying) through this garbage is a soul-killer (no pun intended. LOL!). It's similar to Cave of the Dead, but that, somehow, wasn't as irritating. Iron Passage is a big reason that, as of this writing (currently September 15, on quite a chilly morning, I might add), I don't have him beaten yet. Every time I pick up the controller to play, visions of Iron Passage dance through my brain, and then I'm all like, "ugh". But, rest assured, by the time this goes live, he'll have been beaten!

He still has a puckered butt-hole face, at least

    As far as the fight itself, it's the same as the original one. Once you walk through the fog gate, Smelter is standing in the middle of a round room. After a second, he goes on the attack. Thankfully his attacks are much slower and more deliberate than both Fume Knight and Sir Alonne, so he's seems like he's fighting in molasses, by comparison. He has sword swings and slashes, along with an overhand smash. He'll jump in the air and slam his sword into the ground. Of course, when he does this, he'll let off his AoE attack if you are too close. This is an excellent time to heal, by the by. As stated, he still does two buffs, and by the final one, his sword becomes much harder to dodge, at least for me. It must be a mental thing with buffed-up, intimidating looking swords. If Smelter Demon didn't engulf his sword in (magic) fire, he would be simple to beat. His pre-buff attacks are all easy to roll from, and he leaves you ample time to retaliate or heal. I suppose that's why he has the buff. Otherwise, he's a pushover.
    There are two NPC summons you can use for this battle. Of course, they are at the very beginning of Iron Passage, so they would have to go through the gauntlet with you. It's the same two from the Sir Alonne fight: Drifter Swordsman Aidel and Steel-Willed Lorrie. Again, they both suck horribly anyway, so your best bet is to either summon human phantoms (all summon signs seem to be in the first room of the Iron Passage, with the NPC summons) or just go it alone. Even with summons, you all still have to fight through the Iron Passage. You could take the time to de-spawn all the enemies, but that seems like more trouble than it's worth.
    Admittedly, the five paragraphs above were written before I beat Smelter Demon. I finally did beat him yesterday, and I should talk a little about how that was accomplished. Take a guess. Go ahead!

    With NPC summons, of course! I'm basically incapable of beating bosses without help anymore. Six new bosses between the first two DLC chapters, and I had to summon help to defeat five of them (the exception being those idiots in Cave of the Dead). This is pretty disheartening for me. I mean, I've never been one of those, "look-down-my-nose-at-people-who-summon-help" kind of people, but generally I can solo most of these bosses. I don't want to make excuses, because the answer is just I'm not patient enough to learn the patterns and tells of these bosses. But really, after 30 solo attempts, isn't that e-fucking-nough solo attempts? Jeesh. But, as constant readers of this blog (I'm borrowing that phrase from Stephen King) will know, I'm trying the herculean task of going through my backlog. A side-effect of that is not getting a chance to fully explore, or 100% complete, some games. What that means for Dark Souls II DLC is, well, I need to have it finished a week or two after it comes out. I can't just stay stuck on a boss for weeks on end. The good news is that the final chapter of DLC, "Crown of the Ivory King", is supposed to be the hardest of them all. Including bosses, or so I've read. Yay.
    Anyway, I summoned both Lorrie and Aidel for this battle. It's tough to lead them through Iron Passage without them taking too much damage, but they generally follow you, if you just run straight through. And by my final half-dozen attempts, most of the pesky enemies had de-spawned. They both do pitifully small amounts of damage, but they provide help in two critical areas: they can tank like hell, and they usually take the focus off of you. Smelter usually focuses on the two of them instead of you, and this leaves you ample time to attack, heal, or buff. Also, they can absorb crazy amounts of damage. On my final attempt where I beat him, they both arrived in the boss area with full health, and they were both alive at the end. They do just enough damage to be worthwhile. I was doing about 305 with my Flame Weapon-ed Curved Dragon Greatsword (that damage output was doubled if I fought him solo). They were both doing between 80-95 damage.
    So, there you have it. I'm disappointed in From for giving us a boss re-skin, but I'm also disappointed in myself for not having the hutzpah to see this battle through. I know I can beat him on my own. I mean, I did solo the normal Smelter Demon on my first playthrough. Maybe I'm having such difficulty because I'm trying all these bosses, for the first time, on NG++. That certainly doesn't help. Oh well, at least I finally beat this DLC. Unfortunately, the final DLC got pushed back a week. Look for some boss posts for that in the first week of October, roughly. Otherwise, I'll have two Arkham Origins posts up tomorrow, most likely.

Sir Alonne

Leave me Alonne!

    This fight. This fight. THIIIIIS fight. TTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSFFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTT
    Sorry, but seriously, this fight. 

    I'm going to kill the anticipation on this one and throw it right out there: I died 58 times on this battle. 58. Fifty-eight. Do you guys know what it feels like to consistently be cut down, time and time again, by the same boss? With each defeat, you not only lose your humanity and souls, but a piece of your brain as well. It degrades your mental processes. It quickens aging. It deforms your very core. It makes bad seem good, black seem white, summer seem winter. It makes you babble near-incoherently to people that aren't really there, just hoping that these phantom strangers can help you ease the pain. It makes you question just why, exactly, you play this goddamn game in the first place. But of course you all know that feeling. You're Souls players, after all!
    The minor histrionics of the above paragraph aside, this battle was a personal hell for me. I'm sure we've all had them with Souls games. Maybe it was the Maneater battle from Demon's Souls? Perhaps it was Ornstein and Smough from Dark Souls? Could it have been Darklurker from this game? I've had a rough go of it with a lot of bosses in this series. Hell, even the boss that immediately proceeded this one took me more attempts than any other boss in the game thus far. But somehow, Fume Knight was different. Sir Alonne was a new level of frustration. And I wouldn't say it was due to anything other than my lack of skill, or more specifically, my lack of patience in trying to 100% learn his patterns, and learn from my own mistakes. This isn't a cheap, broken battle. On the contrary. Many people I've seen write that this is one of the best bosses in the game. I wouldn't necessarily argue. Okay, enough of me bitching though, let's get down to it.

     Once you enter the Memory of the Old Iron King, you have to fight through two small areas to get to the boss. I covered some of it in my DLC overview post, but I'll go into a little more detail here. The area isn't tough per say, but it's annoying to get through. I assume this memory takes place somewhere inside Brume tower, but I couldn't say where, or when. It is interesting that in the Old Iron King's memory you find Sir Alonne. Could there have been some sort of homosexual relationship going on between Alonne and the king? Ive read that posited on a forum I frequent. After all, what do you fight all through the Iron Keep? Alonne knights. Surely not a coincidence. Perhaps the king employs Alonne's knights just because they fight so well? (edit: I believe the king simply named his knights after the honorable Alonne. They all fight with his style, and they have a similar garb to him). I mean, how many knights roll up on you with katanas? At any rate, the first area of the memory is a large room full of huge pillars running down the left and right sides of it. There are five Alonne knights, along with a captain (with the lightning sword). These guys aren't too tough as I could take them out with three-or-four swings of my Curved Dragon Greatsword +5 (my new go-to weapon. It's fast for a greatsword, and it hits HARD. Not as hard as some of those huge hammers/clubs, but this is as big as I'm comfortable going with). There are also big window-like spots in the walls. There are three fire salamanders sitting in these, and when you get in front of them, they shoot three big fireballs at you. Annoying, but nothing that can't be avoided with little effort.
    The next area is a two-leveled area. The level you start on has a grate-like floor, so you can see below. There are stairs on the sides that allow you to go down. On the top floor, there are three knights with swords and two with bows and arrows. There's a red phantom captain here too. On the lower floor, there's another salamander, accompanied with two more knights, and another red phantom. I'm actually not 100% sure if he is a captain or a normal knight, but he has a bow and arrow. Honestly, I rarely went down to the bottom floor. Past the red phantom Alonne captain there is a corridor, and the boss gate is at the end of this. I died to Sir Alonne so many times that eventually, my entire path was completely clear of enemies, due to de-spawning. This was unbelievably helpful. I don't know if I would have had the willpower to fight through all that bullshit 59 times over. People ca say what they want about Dark Souls II, but I am a big fan of the de-spawning enemies mechanic.
    Once you walk through the fog gate, you find yourself inside a big, beautiful room. I suppose it's a cathedral-type room. It has large, open windows in the back, and the architecture itself is very ornately decorated. The floor reflects everything, so if nothing else, this really is a gorgeous boss room. Sir Alonne is sitting in the middle of the room when you enter. He then stands and readies his huge katana. He gives you a very slight nod of his head, implying this is an honorable fight (Alonne seems to be a man full of great honor). For whatever reason, he is invulnerable for these first few seconds. Fume Knight could be attacked while he appears and grabs his big sword. I wonder why Alonne can't?

I see this room in my nightmares now

     Sir Alonne wears some sort of samurai garb, and he uses a long katana. He's simple, but that's all he needs. While there's some good lore to be had here, and this fight can be very technical, it's disappointing to see yet another knight-with-a-sword-boss-battle. Essentially all three bosses in this DLC are this kind (Smelter isn't a knight, but close enough anyway). All three of the bosses need the same basic strategy to beat them too: well-timed rolls. That really is the name of the game with Alonne here. He slices with his sword, and you need to know when and how he's going to do so, so you can correctly time your dodges. Before I get too far into that, let's talk about his attacks. If you are far away from him, he'll do one of three attacks. He can slide at you (very quickly, I might add. That gap between you and him can be closed in a hurry) and either thrust his sword, or slice it upward. If he doesn't do these two, he can charge his sword up briefly and swing it, releasing a dark magic...blade, I guess. It's a very thin, long, crescent-shaped thing. When you are closer to him, he'll do a variety of normal slashing or thrusting attacks. He will also jump back fairly often, and this almost always means he's going to do that fast-sliding attack. Now, I don't literally mean he slides on his ass, of course (that would be fun), but he almost floats right to you. Reminds me of False King Allant, or, more recently, Pursuer. He can jump in the air and bring his blade smashing down in front of him also. Finally, he can charge his sword up with dark and thrust it forward at you. If you get caught with it, it impales you, dealing massive damage, and it buffs his attacks. This attack has the most RIDICULOUS AND BROKEN hitbox of anything I've seen in this game. In general, it seems, thrusting sword attacks are pretty wonky, but this one takes the cake. He telegraphs this attack by pulling his sword back, and you can see it swell with dark magic. There's plenty of time to roll to the side. But you CANNOT ROLL TOO EARLY. If you roll to his side before he starts thrusting, you're fucked. Even if you clearly are not in front of his sword, you'll get magically stuck to it, and the animation will play out normally. You have to wait until the last possible second, then roll away. I cannot tell you fine people how many times I rolled, successfully, out of the way of this attack, but because I did it too early, I got hit with it (and most likely killed).

Slashing upwards

Slashing diagonalwards

    As I said, timing is the key to this battle. It's especially difficult because he will do the same attacks with different speeds. It's mainly seen with his charging upwards slashing move. When he's far off, he'll telegraph the attack by pulling his sword back. Generally, as soon as he does this, I start the roll, because it takes him a split second to close the gap and be at you. If you roll right when he starts the sword pull back, you'll dodge the attack, and have a chance to attack him. Sometimes, however, he will pull the sword back but won't immediately come at you with it. He'll wait probably an extra half-second. That sounds like an extraordinarily small difference, but it might as well be five minutes. This would constantly throw off my timing. I would see him pull back, and I would roll forward, only to have him wait until my roll was finished before coming up and slashing me. Talk about frustrating. This was my single biggest problem with the battle. Usually, when things rely on timing, I'm screwed, because I'm monumentally bad at things like that.
    I tried this battle solo. I tried this battle with NPC summons (Drifter Swordsman Aidel and Steel-Willed Lorrie). I tried this battle with one human summon. I tried this battle with two human summons. I tried this battle with various consumables. I tried this battle with various buffs. I tried this battle almost every different way I could think of. I really did not exaggerate when I said above that this battle was my personal hell. Nothing in video games has frustrated me more (in the last couple of years at least) than this battle. It brought me to almost controller smashing levels of anger. I'm not an uncontrollable animal, so I never would smash a controller, but this battle brought me pretty close to that line. A note about consumables: I tried both Old Growth Balm and Brightbug. The Balm shortly increases your strength, and the Bug increases attack power and decreases the amount of damage you take. I found the Brightbug helped dramatically. My Curved Dragon Greatsword, with Flame Weapon buff, took off about 600 damage, but with the Brightbug, it was up to around 850, which was quite a nice difference. Also, the damage I received was considerably less, where I could take probably four to five hits, instead of only two or three. The Old Growth Balm only increased my damage output slightly. I would certainly suggest using the Brightbugs for a little added boost.

Uuuuuuuggggghhhh

    I don't know if there is a whole lot more to say about this battle. Overall, this is a great boss. He's got lore that directly ties into both this DLC and the main game, which is very cool. He looks good, although I'm still a little annoyed that he's just another sword-swinging humanoid boss. And, of course, I found him absolutely difficult. I don't know if this is the hardest boss in the game, but he took me the most attempts to defeat (if that makes sense. It really doesn't). I just don't think my play style is suited for him. Unfortunately I still have one boss to go in this DLC, and there's a mile of bullshit leading up to him. Hopefully I'll have him beaten before the final chapter of DLC is out at the end of the month. Until then, have a ball!

Times I died: 58
Difficulty: 9.8/10
Rating: 9/10

Crown Of The Old Iron King DLC

A tower full of RUTHLESS VICIOUSNESS

    I've never gotten a nostalgic feeling for my first playthrough of Demon's Souls during any part of either Dark Souls or the sequel. However, with the second DLC for Dark Souls II, "Crown of the Old Iron King", I kept coming back to Demon's. And it was an amazing feeling. Now, I realize this is mostly centralized to me, and I haven't read anywhere else that this DLC reminded anyone of Demon's, so don't go into it thinking you're diving back into the world of Boletaria. However, go into it thinking you're about to play an amazing piece of DLC that trumps the Sunken King chapter in every way (except for bosses, unfortunately). Let's explore!
    As with the Sunken King, once you purchase the DLC, download the patch for the game, and install the actual DLC, you'll receive a key to your inventory. It's called Heavy Iron Key. This DLC is accessed in a very similar fashion to the first chapter (go to the primal bonfire past the Old Iron King). You'll find a similar altar to the one found in the Shrine of Winter (with the tall, headless snakes), and this will transport you to the new area. You'll open a huge, ornate, iron door, go up a ladder, and you'll be outside, with the gigantic Tower of Brume standing off in the near-distance. You traverse a huge chain to get to it.

Beauty, thy name is Brume Tower

    The screenshot there is probably a variation on an image that always accompanies every preview/review of the DLC, and for good reason. I mean, just look at it! It looks pretty damn bitching! Or, to be slightly less vulgar, it's awe-inspiring. Once you get across the chain, you're on the outside of the tower. This was my least favorite part of the entire DLC. You're walking around on what looks like snow, but I think is probably ash. Enemies can pop right out of it, without warning, and attack, which is a nice, albeit slightly annoying, surprise. Before I continue, I'd like to discuss some of the new enemy types. Some are great, and some are really the same-old, same-old. The main enemies are skeletons, called Ashen Warriors. They come with various weaponry: dual axes, swords and shields, halberds, or bows and arrows. These guys are a fairly typical solider-type enemy, but they can hit pretty hard, especially those dual-axe wielders. Just don't get ganged up, and you'll be fine with them.

Another view

    My favorite new enemy is a set of possessed armor. Sounds kind of boring, but they are diverse and interesting. They float over the ground, and they hold both a flaming sword and a bow and arrow. The arm with the bow and arrow can completely disconnect from its body and shoot at you, independent from what the rest of the body does. His attack animation in general is of that very fluid, pretty looking kind. Reminds me somewhat of the grace of Flexile Sentry's scimitar attacks. Another new enemy are gigantic soldiers. They hit very hard, can jump at you (and close any gap nicely and unexpectedly), and hey, just for shits and giggles, they spew fire from their arms! There are some other enemies, like the crawling soldiers who jump at you (how do they do that without using their legs, anyway?). Bear with me here, but they seem to crawl in a similar fashion to the people that all crawl towards that altar during the cold open to the first episode of season three of Breaking Bad (the episode is "No Mas").
    I'm not devoting an entire blog to the enemies, so I'll give a quick rundown of the rest: there are Brume sorceresses that shoot painful lightning; red phantoms with notched whips; and weak hollowed enemies that carry explosive barrels. Also, in one area (more on it later), there are Alonne knights and captains, and those obnoxious fire salamander bastards. There may be others I'm forgetting, but that is the large majority. Finally, there is a non-traditional "enemy" called ashen idols. They are stationary, and don't do any direct damage to you. However, they can buff nearby enemies in a number of ways, whether it's healing them, making them unkillable, or assisting offensively (okay, so they can sort of do direct damage to you) with spells. They can only be killed by using a new item, called a Smelter Wedge. You have to walk up to them and hit "X" to use it. They leave pieces of Souls of Nadalia, Bride of Ash behind. I believe 12 can be collected to create a "full" soul for this Nadalia person. She is important to the lore of Brume Tower (and the Fume Knight I think), but I'm not too sure on it yet.
    Okay, boring enemy descriptions are over. I LOVED this DLC. I thought the Sunken King DLC was fabulous, and it was a great addition to the main game. I think this DLC is better in (almost) every conceivable way compared to the first chapter. If I was giving arbitrary ratings, I'd give Sunken King 8/10, and this one a strong 9/10. The environment is, at times, breathtaking, and other times, deeply nostalgic (for me, at least. More on that in a bit). This area, Brume Tower, even more so than Shulva, is all about going down. It's very vertical, and you are constantly striving to get to the next lower bit of the tower. The whole quest culminates with an INCREDIBLY difficult boss battle at the very bottom of said tower (hey, I have a post about it! Just read it here already!), and the way down is full of intrigue and extreme danger.
    Most of what you go through is corridors, ledges, giant open rooms, iron bars (think jail cell), fire, and traps. At one point, you get to the main hub of the tower. It's very inactive (as is most everything you find in the tower). There is an item you can find, called the Scorching Iron Scepter. This works as a sort of key, and once you use it back in that main hub, you essentially start the engine of the tower. It belches flames, and huge chains laboriously move elevators and lifts up and down. This part is particularly stellar because some of the elevators are nothing more than metal grates on top of huge statues (I think) of soldiers. Once you first use that scepter and get the lifts going, it's a sight to behold.

These giant statue/elevators are creepy

Once they get fired up

     The soldiers almost look like they are hanging, and it's a bit of a depressing sight. The whole operation certainly makes you feel small in comparison. Once you get these things moving, there are several new areas for you to explore. Eventually, you'll find a new area called Iron Passage. I'll briefly discuss it here. This place is very similar to Cave of the Dead from the Sunken King DLC. It's a straight-ahead area that leads right to a boss, and it's LINED with enemies. Apparently, this area and Cave of the Dead were designed as co-op areas, which is why both are very difficult. Iron Passage, specifically, is way more of a pain in the ass, compared to the Cave. You have to fight through three small areas, and each is packed to the brim with enemies. The first area has a few ashen soldiers, a lightning sorceress, and a powerful faith/miracle caster. This is the easiest part. Get through this, and the next bigger area has a few more soldiers, another miracle caster, and two of those possessed armors (one is a red phantom, no less). Finally, after this area, you get to a large, open area, with the boss gate at the other end. You have to deal with at least one possessed armor soldier, two casters (one red), and two of those giant soldiers (one red). I generally just run through all this bullshit as quickly and carefully as possible. It is not worth my time to try and fight through all this muck. It's probably a 70/30 ratio of me running through to the boss and me getting killed on my run to the boss. And what kind of boss do you get for surviving this hellish area? Oh, a re-skin of a boss from the main game (more on him in his own post). Blah.

Beginning of the Iron Passage. Looks great, at least

    There's another optional area that ends with an optional boss (a much better one than at the end of the Iron Passage). At one point, as you ride those elevators, you'll find a small room with a set of samurai-looking armor on a stand, and a long katana sitting on the floor under it. If you have the Crown of the Old Iron King, and the ashen mist heart, you can enter a new memory (remember those Giant memories?), the Memory of the Old Iron King. This is a small area teaming with those Alonne knights and captains (and those annoying fire salamanders), from the Iron Keep. There's a very good reason for that, considering the boss of the area. Spoiler alert: it's Sir Alonne. This area is a bit tough, but it's far easier than Iron Passage.
    Interjected story time! After receiving the titular crown after beating Fume Knight, I excitedly made my way to the bonfire right outside where that set of armor is. I walked up to it, ready to take on a new area, and...nothing. I didn't have the ashen mist heart. What did that then mean? Oh, nothing much. Just had to: run through Drangleic Castle and beat the dual Dragonriders and Looking Glass Knight; run through Shrine of Amana and beat Demon of Song; run through Undead Crypt and kill Velstadt; run through Aldia's Keep and kill the Guardian Dragon; and finally, run through the Dragon Aerie to get to the Ancient Dragon, so he could give me that goddamn ashen mist heart. Suffice to say, I was quite annoyed to have to do all this. It only took me an extra few hours, but trying to just rush through an area in a game like Dark Souls II is not smart (speedrunners notwithstanding), and it probably leads to extra time being taken because you're being careless. I will say though, for the first time ever, twice in a row Looking Glass Knight summoned an actual human player during his fight. Yeah, not fun.
    Okay, enemies and optional areas are done. I'd love to talk about the look and feel of this DLC now. Remember when I mentioned the nostalgia about Demon's Souls? This DLC really hit me right in the feels (as the kids are wont to say nowadays. By the way, I am not a miserly 50 year old). There's a section that's full of barrels, hollows carrying barrels, and fire shooting out around. This really reminded me of 2-2 StoneFang Tunnel, with those hollows bearing a resemblance to the normal StoneFang workers. Also, large parts of the tower sections reminded me of 3-1 Tower of Latria. There were several times throughout where I just stopped for a second, because I was overcome with a beautiful sense of deaj-vu. I'm not sure exactly why, but just the whole aesthetics of it has a throwback feel (and it taking place in a large tower certainly helps). It made me really want to play that game, and I'm thinking of starting a new character in it soon. Beyond the vague Demon's Souls feeling, I preferred the look of Brume Tower over Shulva. It's more colorful (compared to that overall drab, bluish color of the sunken city), it's got outdoor sections (which I think I prefer in Souls games over indoor sections), overall it's just more interesting, what with all the fire, elevators, the traps and inventive ways you can go about various sections. I've actually seen the DLC likened to the Arkham Batman games, in that you can analyze certain areas before you enter, and you can pick a strategy specifically for said area. I'll also say, arrows are a big help throughout this DLC. I've never gone through so many arrows in any area of ANY Souls game before. I bet I've used 500-600 just in the DLC alone. So hopefully you have a decent bow!
    I think I've talked about everything I wanted to, except for maybe the most crucial aspect: this DLC is hard as hell. In general, Dark Souls II was pretty tough, and the "Sunken King" DLC was hard, but this DLC is nasty in every sense of the word. It has brutally difficult bosses (maybe the single toughest one in the entire game?), very tough areas filled with mobs of enemies, and even very hard NPC invading phantoms (Maldron the Assassin being tougher than Jester Thomas even. Plus FIVE red phantoms invading at once!). Generally the challenge was welcome, and I was able to overcome everything the game threw at me. I will say, either my skills are deteriorating, or I'm just not as good at this game as I once thought. These goddam bosses are eating my lunch. I've already put up my Fume Knight post and how difficult I found him. Without spoiling my own future posts, I'm stuck on both Sir Alonne and re-skinned Smelter Demon. It's very frustrating, because the DLC has been out for two weeks I think, and I just want to finish it. As much as I LOVE these games, I have other stuff to play. I actually came to this revelation during my runthrough of the main game, trying to get the ashen mist heart. I never proclaimed to be an amazing Souls players (even the platinum trophies for Demon's Souls and Dark Souls II, while difficult to obtain, were not something unachievable for me, like say the platinum trophy for a game like, Max Payne 3, for instance), but I figured I could at least beat every boss solo. I on;y beat one of three solo on the first DLC, and it's looking like a smiliar ratio for this one. Oh well, I guess it's not something to get that worked up about, right? I really think Homer said it best, "No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you."
    I'm gonna wrap this up on a more lighthearted note. Firstly, yes, this DLC is amazing, and I would strongly suggest it to fans of the regular game and the first DLC. Boring (or, lazy) boss design aside (more knights with swords!), everything else is a pure pleasure. I haven't touched on it much, but this one is much more lore heavy than the first chapter. Lore hounds should eat it up. But what's really the best thing about this Iron King chapter? This:

No caption needed

    It's the Smelter Hammer, and I got it from a drop from one of those huge knights. I bring it to attention because, well, just look at how gigantic it is! It has to be the most ludicrously large weapon in Souls history. Also, it takes a staggering 70 (!!) strength to wield, and that's definitely the most strength you need for any one weapon.
    Finally, I'd like to add that I haven't 100% finished the DLC yet (still have the two aforementioned bosses), so I may come back here and update with one final paragraph, once I beat them, if I deem it necessary. Otherwise, thanks for reading, and check back soon (hopefully) for those two boss posts. I know I've said it in the last like three or four posts, but I really will have some Batman: Arkham Origins posts up pretty soon. Most likely

Fun note: I used the acronym "DLC" 27 times in this post (counting this one, and the one in the title).

Fume Knight

I prefer his brother

    Okay ladies and gents, let's just jump right into this. I'm pretty sure I have a lot to expound on about this asshole. You all seated and ready? Good.
    After making your way down and through Brume Tower (an absolutely stunning, amazingly fun, mega frustrating, Demon's Souls-y area), you reach the bottom. The bonfire is called Lowermost Floor. It's a large circular room (with a small room off of it. This is where the bonfire is), filled with the familiar ash you've seen so much of so far in this second DLC. There's two of those giant warrior that pop out from under the ash here, but they don't have to be bothered with. When you first walk into the room, the boss fog gate is straight ahead, with the bonfire to the right a ways. There's a large thing (I've read that it's a giant corpse you fight the boss in. I never noticed, but that's pretty damn awesome. You can read the small thread on gamefaqs about it here) in the middle of the room (where the fog gate is), and surrounding it are four of those ashen idols. Before fighting the boss, you don't know what they would do to aid him, but it's made pretty apparent that if you leave them, they will help the boss in some fashion, considering all four are butted right up against his room. Hopefully you have enough Smelter Wedges to take care of them (amazingly, I did). So, with idols vanquished, you walk up to the fog gate, and--sigh--you step inside.

And with any luck, you'll get a message rated

    This is what the room looks like when you first step in. The boss doesn't appear immediately, which is great. It gives you time to use a buff on your weapon (avoid fire, bleeding, and poison. They are useless. Magic or lightning is the way to go). I wonder if that sword has anything to do with whatever might be in this room? Let's walk towards it, shall we?

Oh, it does. Who knew?

    When you get about halfway to the sword, black mist swirls around it, and a large knight appears to grab it from the ground. He thrusts it high, the name "Fume Knight" appears at the bottom of the screen, and then the fight is on, and you're in for a royally fucking tough battle.
    First, briefly, his appearance. It's kind of a bummer to see another knight-holding-a-sword boss, but this one is better than maybe all the other ones before him. He's totally clad in armor, and none of his skin is visible. He's got a tattered skirt (?) kind of thing, and he's a very bland, bluish-grayish kind of color. Finally, he wields a smaller, normal sword in his right hand (just a normal longsword maybe), and a ridiculous greatsword in his left. The sword he takes from the ground, duh.
    Okay, down to the nitty-gritty. Almost ALL of his attacks are just sword swipes, so the name of this game is dodging. The timing is a little wonky at first, but the more you fight, the more you get his pattern. This fight has two parts, and I'll start, logically, with the first. He swings both the small sword and the great sword in a number of different ways. He'll swing the small sword anywhere between one and three times (the three combo ends in a thrust), and sometimes this is followed by a sweeping attack with the greatsword, but not always. He will also occasionally rush at you from afar and try to pierce you with a thrusting attack. Finally, he'll swing the greatsword overhead or sweep it in front of him. Note that he'll sometimes use either sword to do a little half-sweep at his side if you stay too close to him. Secondary note: you absolutely can take damage on the back swing of his greatsword. Just keep that in mind.
    He takes a few tries to get his first-half pattern down (it did for me, at least). Soon though, you realize he's not too bad. Don't even try to use a shield to block any of his attacks though. It's a waste of time. He'll cut your stamina down (especially with that greatsword) to nothing, and he'll combo you to death. Generally, I would roll backwards away from the small sword swipes, then roll under his greatsword sweeps, and to the side of his overhand slams. It's a little scary at fist rolling into this greatsword hand, but that's the easiest way to avoid its attacks. A thing about that greatsword: it has a crazy long reach. It's deceptively long. I couldn't even count the amount of times I thought I rolled out of the way enough, only to take damage anyway. It's very frustrating. You think you're far enough away, but you're not. Also, whenever he either hits you, or the ground (in the case of his overhand swing), his greatsword glows orange for a period, before going back to normal. I don't think this does anything other than to intimidate and foreshadow the second phase of the battle...

You know what they say about knights with big swords, right?

    When his health gets down to roughly half, he starts the second phase of the battle. He'll put his smaller sword away, and raise the greatsword up high. It then catches fire, and stays on fire for the remainder of the battle. It's not just fire though, I wanna say it's dark-fire, because it's tinged black (and I guess the Gyrm Greatshield doesn't negate the damage from the flame sword). Admittedly, it looks awesome.
    Okay, once the sword is fired up, he has some new moves. He'll still slash and thrust with the sword, but he also has two new attacks. The first is a looooooong swipe with it, from his right to his left. The range on this is INCREDIBLY, IMPOSSIBLY LONG! If you thought the range on his greatsword normally was bullshit, well you might as well put the controller down. However, this attack is actually quite easy to dodge. You need to be patience, because the timing really is key, but once he starts bringing the sword from his side to the front, just roll towards it, to his sword hand. You'll take no damage, and have a nice opening to get a hit or two off. His other new attack is an AoE deal where he sticks the sword in the ground for a short moment, then black fire explodes from it. Obviously staying far away is how to dodge it, but even then, it releases swirling fireballs. It's unexpected at first, but all you have to do is roll between them, and it's pretty easy to dodge them.
    Once I got down the patterns he used for the first part of the battle (the non-fire portion), I actually found it pretty easy. I would still get killed occasionally from dumb mistakes, but mostly I could get him down to that half health line. If this was the whole battle, I would have been able to beat him in a dozen or so attempts. Every time he set that sword on fire, something inside my brain broke. It was probably the chains holding my fear in place. Once that fire came, I was intimidated beyond all get-out. Essentially, his attacks are about the same as before he has the fire sword, but for whatever reason I just could not consistently dodge them. In all my attempts (including the times I died as a phantom helping other people), probably 75% of the deaths came because I got cut down by that goddamn fire sword. Maybe the timing is just a little different compared to the greatsword, pre-fire. At any rate, once he buffed himself, the countdown was on. The countdown for me to get killed and uber-frustrated that is (do the kids still use uber? Remember THAT phase? It wasn't very phat at all...).
    How did I beat him? Take a goddamn guess. Yeah, I had to summon help. Even with summon help, it still took about a baker's dozen tries, or more. I will say, he has a gigantic amount of health normally, and this is increased when phantoms are present. I wouldn't go into this battle with more than one phantom, because than his health is just absurdly high, and this makes it monumentally more difficult. You can again summon the ever-resilient Steelheart Ellie (who is basically useless. Who knew?). Carhillion of the Fold is also available to summon, but I didn't use him, so I'm not sure how helpful he is, although I hear he isn't very, considering Fume Knight has a high resistance to magic spells. Eventually, I beat him with another human phantom. I was at the boiling point of violent frustration, too. I sent the person who helped me a thank you message. If I could have, I would have sent them some nudes or something. Errr, um, anyway, enjoy a picture:

No, not a nude pic! Just a pre-getting-run-through pic!

    I'm gonna jump into the tiniest bit of spoiler-y lore right now, so if that will offend your sensibilities, look away now!

don'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlook

    This is actually Raime, one half of Vendrick's dual-advisers team, as it were. The other half, of course, was Velstadt. This is pretty interesting, here. What's even more interesting is that if you enter his room wearing Velstadt's helmet, he instantly buffs his sword with fire, instead of waiting until his health is drained to the 50%-60% mark. This provides some insight as to exactly how vile the relationship between Raime and Velstadt must have become.

don'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlook

    Okay, spoiler stuff done. I think this whole post is just about done. I'll try to wrap things up with a classic summary. This was one of the most difficult bosses in all of Dark Souls II, and hell, probably in the whole series. As you'll see from my death count, I died WAAAAAY more on him than on any other boss in the game. Despite him being another knight boss, I ultimately think he's a great boss to the series. He looks cool, has a great back story, and is extremely difficult. Anyone that can beat this guy solo, well, I tip my hat to you and offer you this virtual handshake. I should have the overview post on the DLC up soon, followed by the other two boss posts. In a perfect world, all three of those posts would be up by Friday, but that's just not a possibility. Anyway, thanks for reading!


Times I died: 46 (!!)
Difficulty: 9.7/10
Rating: 9/10

Sinh, the Slumbering Dragon

Ending the DLC with a toxic-y, fiery bang

    Imagine you've just spent what accumulates to a couple hours, and thirty tries, to defeat Elana, the Squalid Queen. Imagine how excited you'd be when you finally did beat her, and were very anxious to start exploring the next area in the brand new DLC. Imagine the feelings that quell up when you walk through the giant Dragon wall and enter the small chamber behind it, only to find a bonfire and a giant fog gate. Now, imagine that immediately after that frustrating, time (and item) consuming boss battle, you had to jump into another very tough boss battle (that you end up dying in 20+ times). Welcome to Sinh, friends!
    Maybe that opening paragraph is a bit dramatic, but this is essentially what I felt. I was a bit dismayed to immediately have to fight another very difficult boss. And the realization that this was the final boss of the DLC made it a sad event all around. Despite that negativity, this is a pretty good boss battle to end the DLC with, but holy hell, it's rough for melee builds. Thank god the bonfire is about five steps from the fog gate, at least.
    Once you beat Elana, as mentioned, the giant Dragon Mosaic opens up, and leads to a small cave area. It's got a bonfire, and the fog gate. There are two NPC summons here as well. Once you walk through the gate, you're in the boss room. If the fog gate and bonfire aren't tip-offs for another boss battle, this huge, enclosed, "boss-looking" room certainly is. The room is a giant lair, with columns lining a pathway to the back of it. There's rocks and crags jutting up from the ground, and high up on the ceiling. It's a great looking room. Here's the scene the moment you walk through the gate:

Total boss vibe

    If you walk about halfway through the room, suddenly, something in the back shifts, and, well, I'll let you see for yourself:

Aw shit

    Sinh rises up from his slumber, roars, stands on hind legs, and bellows fire with a strange green tint. He hops forward, and this nightmare battle is on. I've seen a lot of people online liken this fight to the Kalameet battle from the Artorias DLC from the first game, and I would say that's fairly accurate. Except Sinh is way goddamn harder. I took out Kalameet solo, after probably a dozen or less tries. I found that to be a very enjoyable, yet tough, battle (the reason I go by "kalameet" on Instagram. Also, it sounds cool). This battle with Sinh is ruthless. Allow me to outline his attacks now. If you are in front of his face, he'll swipe, very quickly, with his clawed hands. This is damn near impossible to dodge. At least for me it was. It's also barely telegraphed, and it hits hard. If you back up from him a bit, he will either shoot fire from side to side, or will perform a long-range head swipe. Both these attacks are simple to dodge: for the fire, just run to the side of him that he doesn't start the fire from (so, if he starts shooting fire on his left, run to his right); for the swipe attack, a simple roll backwards does the job. If you are on his side, he'll try to move back, as to get you close to his face. He will swing his tail as part of a combo of attack he does, but he doesn't seem to do this often (note that you can also cut his tail off. I really miss getting weapons from cutting off boss's tails in the original Dark Souls...). He will also stand on his hind legs and shoot fire directly beneath him, and he'll even turn his head and shoot fire behind him.

Not slumbering any longer

    But Sinh isn't content to just stay standing on the ground. Oh no, sir. He loves to fly up in the air. While airborne, he has several more attacks at his disposal. He'll shoot fireballs down, which are very easy to dodge. If you are underneath him, or close to his underside, he'll slam down on the ground with his body, injuring you. He also likes to swoop down and fly low to the ground, with his head leading the way. This attack I found extraordinarily hard to dodge, for whatever reason. He will also do this attack while shooting fire in front of him. This one was easier to dodge, for some reason. I think that might be all of the attacks. But, the fun doesn't stop there. Look at the below picture. I mentioned it above, but notice something a bit off about that fire?

This is probably my favorite picture I have taken of DSII so far

    See how that fire is kind of green at the end, there? Well, good news, because his fire is toxic! When he breathes any kind of fire, and you get hit by it, your toxic level will rise. He will also leave behind lingering clouds of toxic as well. Admittedly, this wasn't a huge factor in his difficulty, but it can be a game-changer when you get toxic'd, and have precious few seconds to use your poison moss. Compared to the other boss that has toxic status effects, that stupid Royal Rat Authority battle, the toxic here is barely a problem. Still, be prepared.
    As I mentioned, this battle is pretty tough for a melee build. I feel that if you were a strong magic user, this battle is probably not too tough, as you could just sit back and whip magic (I think lightening works best) at him. He does fly quite a bit, so that makes it even easier. But, no such luck for buff, weapon-swinging guys like myself. My basic strategy was to run up to the side/back of Sinh, and attack there. DON'T stand anywhere near his face or his front. It's tough to get totally behind him (near his hind legs), because he constantly backs up, but being on his side works well enough. He has a hell of a lot of health, so it's going to be a long battle, which, again, works against melee builds. That's longer you have to be near him, constantly in danger of getting sliced up by his powerful front claws. Sometimes you can get underneath him and hack a couple of free swings, too. When Sinh flies up, I wanted to run to him, and be underneath him or near him. Being far away from Sinh while he is in the air seems to be a bad decision. So to recap, my strategy was: run to his side/back, attack here, make sure you stay away from the front, and just run to him when he flies. Super easy, no? No.
    I had to summon two guys to beat Sinh. So, two out of the three new DLC bosses I had to summon help for. Oh well, that's how it goes, huh? I'm sure the next time I play through it, I'll be able to beat either Elana or Sinh on my own. But just know, even with two player phantoms assisting me, this was still a tough battle (same with Elana). Summoning doesn't reduce this battle to a laughable cheese-fest. I will say Sinh teleport-lags a decent amount when you are playing online with others. This is a fun battle to do co-op though, because you still need to keep your wits about you, and pay attention. He has a tremendous amount of health when you summon two other phantoms, so it's still a long battle. There was one attempt where I summoned two guys, and got Sinh down to half his health before both my summon phantoms were killed. So now it was me, fighting him solo, while he had the extra health that fighting with phantoms grants him. I damn near almost killed him too, and I'm convinced I would have killed him that attempt if I had been going solo the whole time.
    Once you beat Sinh, you receive the titular Crown of the Sunken King, and the DLC is effectively over. I haven't done it myself, but once you receive the crown, and you also have the Ashen Mist Heart, you can go back into Vendrick's memory and talk to him (you do this in the room you fight him in, after Velstadt. I think you have to have killed him though). I assume after all three DLCs you can go and talk to Vendrick and learn more about the story. This is a very cool add-on. Also, the lore surrounding Sinh, and Shulva, Sanctum City, is awesome. It's quite tragic, really. Check it out if you want online (or discover it yourself. I did a mix of both, but much more on the "read it online" side).
    So, guys and gals, that's all I have for the first chapter of DLC. It's been a fun ride, and I'm very excited for the next chapter, I believe it's "Crown of the Old Iron King", out on August 26. Look for another overview post, along with separate boss posts for all the bosses (I assume another three or four). Hopefully I'll have it finished sooner than I did with this DLC. Coming up, I'd love to be able to finish Batman: Arkham Origins and get a B-LOG SLAYING post up about that (this DLC interrupted my playthough of Batman) before the Old Iron King DLC comes out. Otherwise, I might go to a few shorter SNES games in the coming months to get through. Keep an eye out (I know you all are!)

(UPDATE 8/8/14): Whoopsy, totally forgot the death count/difficulty/rating! Here they are!

Times I died: 22
Difficulty: 9/10
Rating: 9.5/10 (very interesting lore behind Sinh)