Royal Rat Authority

Ugh, THIS battle

    What a ROYAL RAT PAIN IN THE ASS this battle is. This battle is basically the anti-Smelter Demon. Sure, I died more on this battle compared to Smelter, but Smelter was fun. It was challenging (in a good way), and it made you feel accomplished when you finally killed him. In short, it didn't make you wanna pull your damn hair out. This battle, on the other hand, isn't fun. It's challenging (in the most annoying way possible), but you don't feel accomplished so much as annoyed you had to go through the aggravation. And I wanted to more than pull my hair out for this battle. THANKFULLY, just as with the Royal Rat Vanguard battle, there is a bonfire mere steps away. So even if you die five, ten, fifteen, TWENTY, times in a row, you're back in the battle seconds later.
     Once you enter the cave area where you fight the boss, no boss name appears. If you stand still and don't move forward, you'll see four of those glowing rat-dog things that you find throughout the level (the very interesting Doors of Pharros). This is where most (but not all) of the irritating aspects of this battle come from. These four bastards can, and will, inflict you with toxic, and YOU DON'T WANT THIS. It's similar to poison, but it is strengthened quite a bit. It eats away at your health in a matter of seconds. It's insanely dangerous. If you get toxic-ed, you might as well end the battle there. Unless you have poison moss, of course. I actually didn't have any, so I can't definitively say this cures the toxic, but I'm pretty sure it does. Well, the rat-dog things gang up on you as soon as you either attack one or get close enough, and they'll swarm. They can be killed in one hit, but if four are surrounding you, it's quite tough. Not to mention it does not take many hits at all for you to get the toxic. It's difficult to cleanly and quickly dispatch these guys. Now, it wouldn't be a huge problem if you could take your time, be patient, and fight them one-at-a-time. Hey, guess, what? You can't.
    And why can't you? Well, once you aggro the rat-dogs (I honestly don't know what to call these things. I'm pretty sure they are just smaller versions of the boss?), the big boss jumps down to join in on the fun. You CAN kill the four small enemies before the big boss gets involved, but you have to be really fast. The big boss here is a mix between a very mangy dog and a rat (mainly the tail, which is a rat's tail). He's also got a lolling tongue which almost gives him a funny, charming look. It gets less and less funny and charming the more he kills you, though.

See? Adorable!

    Okay, so say you've killed the four toxic rat-dogs, and now it's just you and that big ugly boss going toe-to-toe. First, I'd like to say, I'm confused a bit about the name. Is the big giant rat the "Authority" in the title? Or is the "Authority" EVERYTHING in this battle, including the rat-dogs? Same goes with the similarly named Royal Rat Vanguard. Is that main rat you fight the "Vanguard"? Or they ALL the "Vanguard"? It's probably the latter, but for the sake of being less confusing, I'm going to refer to the big boss you fight (pictured above) as Authority. He does own the health bar, after all. Killing the rat-dogs doesn't contribute to lowering the health bar. Boy, that was a long aside. Okay, so you've killed the four rat-dogs, and it's Mike Tyson Punch Out time with Authority.

This was right after he killed me. Not so adorable

    Authority has a similar design to Sif, and as such you can use a similar strategy, ala staying underneath him, attacking his back legs, from a relatively safe spot. I say relatively, because he has a few attacks that make staying underneath him tough. Firstly, he can swipe with his front paws, which don't touch you if you are underneath him. Secondly, and most annoyingly, he does this sideways jump. This can hit you if you're underneath him (I think he hits you with his head), and it hurts like hell. Even if you don't get hit by it, it can crazily swing the camera around, and you can lose him (seems impossible because he's huge, but it can happen). This is very frustrating, and a hugely annoying part of the battle. It doesn't always happen, but when it does, it's no fun. I could not figure out how to dodge this attack. I could block it with my shield, but I found that counter intuitive, because then I couldn't even attack because I had no stamina. I eventually found that if I just ran along the side of him, and always stuck to his left side, I could avoid his jump attack. After that, it's just a matter of getting into the right position and slamming his legs. They are skinny, and it can be tough to get them.
    Eventually you can take this bastard down. Let me slightly edit what I said in the first paragraph: it DOES feel good to kill him. Okay? Just not the Smelter Demon good, but a thank-god-I-don't-have-to-fight-that-asshole-again good. I love his boss design (I think this game knocks it out of the park with the designs. After the first few bland knights, they've been really cool). This is the most annoying, and, dare-I-say, unfair (eh, it's close) battle up to this point. If it wasn't for those toxic fools, and the crazy camera, this battle would be a lot better. All points for the rating are strictly in the boss design.

Times I died: 16
Difficulty: 8/10
Rating: 4/10

Next up, some chump-ass boss who likes to prowl.

Lllllllaaaaaa llllllllaaaaaaaa

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BOSS SOUL DESCRIPTION: "...of the underground realm; Those who choose to serve the Rat King must have the courage to face his challengers."

Belfry Gargoyles (pt. 2)

YOU DEFEATED!

    Man, "You defeated" really was awesome. It should be up in the pantheon of ridiculous winning messages, along with "A winner is you!", and "You're winner!".

    Here we are, part two. I left off being killed 18 times by the Gargoyles, feeling helpless. Strangely enough, it wasn't until I started fighting The Lost Sinner (yeah, fuck him. More on him in a later post) that I figured out how I would beat the Gargoyles. Up until this point, I had been using my halbred +4, which I've said a few times already is awesome. It IS awesome: it's pretty powerful, and it has a crazy reach. But you know what it doesn't have? Speed! And the attacks take too much stamina. Enter the boring old longsword. I had one, and decided the moveset was good, and while it wasn't as powerful as my halbred, I could afford to sacrifice some power for the speed I so desperately needed. So I upgraded the longsword to +4 (I really need to get more titanite to upgrade my equipment past +4), and tried the Sinner again. Well, he killed me a bunch more. But then I got the brilliant idea to use it on the Gargoyles. Lo and behold, it was exactly what I needed!
    Firstly, I tried twice on the night of 3/21 (a very late night gaming session, which started at 11PM and ended a little after 3AM. I don't regret a thing!). I got killed twice, and I was still using the halbred. The second attempt I got them down to about half health, but I was still running into the same problem as before. I was too slow, and they were ganging up on me. I did put a summon sign down, and I helped a guy take them out, with the help of an old friend named crazy lag. It was entirely in our favor, and we took them out easily. Aah, good ol' Souls online lag.
    After those two attempts, I left and decided I'd level up a bit and try later. I played for a while after. The following night, with my newly upgraded longsword, I decided I wasn't going to bed until either these assholes or the Lost Sinner were dead. I started with the Gargoyles, and in quite a glorious, tense, scary battle, I took them out (on my first try with the longsword, no less)! It took all six of my Estus Flasks (puts your nerves on edge when you have to dash to the other end of the roof and use a flask, just HOPING they don't get to you and kill you first), and one or two Radiant Lifegems, but I did it. Solo, just like I wanted to. It turned out the longsword did almost as much damage as the halbred, but was so much faster, with so much less stamina needed. I could swing it and attack THREE times and still have the stamina to either roll out, or put up my shield. I was also able to keep them at bay, and I don't think I had more than three to deal with at a time. I speculated in the first part of the post about the amount of Gargoyles that can show up. Well, in being summoned and helping the guy I referred to above, there must have been six Gargoyles flying (read, flying = being frozen and transporting. Lag!) around at the mid-point of that battle. Back to my solo battle, I took out one of the first two Gargoyles shortly after the third one joined in, so it was very manageable. My basic strategy was to dash in, get a few hits (when I was sure the other Gargoyles had already attacked) off, then get out. I always kept them in front of me, and I strafed around a lot. Also had to just run straight past them at times, to avoid getting caught in a mob (I did get caught once, can't believe I got out of it). When one started breathing fire, I would try to finish him off quickly. They generally stay behind the others when they breathe fire, and you can get a free hit or two because of this.
    Even through all the deaths, the frustration, all that running from bonfire to fog gate, I ended up enjoying this battle. It was quite difficult, but it never made me wanna break my controller. That moment came basically immediately after (I won't go into it, but let's just say a long ladder, a pack of AT LEAST ten dogs, and an NPC black Phantom by the name of Vorgel the Sinner make for an INCREDIBLY RAGE INDUCING TIME). Beating the Gargoyles was such a great moment of triumph, it made me feel like a god or something. It's still the best thing the Souls games have going for them. Almost no other games give you that incredible feeling. I love you Dark Souls II.

PS: In browsing through the names of Boss soul weapons, I found out the name of the Belfry Gargoyles' weapons that I had a tough time describing in the first post. They are bidents (like trident, but only two prongs). Makes sense to me!

Times I died: 21
Difficulty: 8.5/10
Overall rating: 8/10

I currently am not sure what's next. I'm hoping I can kill Lost Sinner tonight. That death count is at a nice 15 so far.

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BOSS SOUL DESCRIPTION: "The elaborate stone statue on the belfry mysteriously came to life." 

 

Gargoyle Bident

Gargoyle Bident: "Gargoyles are said to guard castles and forts from ill fortune, and they have appeared in many forms in all the great lands throughout history. Some of them are so meticulously crafted that they look as if they might come to life."

Belfrey Gargoyles (pt. 1)

...or, UUUUGGGH

(this doesn't follow the end of my Dragonrider post, where I teased Pursuer. I meant to have that one next, but I couldn’t resist putting this one first. Pursuer should be tomorrow)

    You've just fought through a small secret area (which you gained access to with the cool Pharos Lockstone) filled with strange, black (phantom? I don't think so, but that's what they look like) dwarves and invading gray phantoms (part of the Bell Keeper Covenant I have since found out from joining it myself), and now you stand in front of a fog gate. Boss imminent? Oh, most certainly.
    You walk through, and immediately you're met with a sense of nostalgia. You're on a rooftop. This sure looks familiar, you think to yourself. Then you see the name at the bottom of the screen, over the health meter: "Belfry Gargoyle". Flashbacks of the painful Bell Gargoyles fight from Dark Souls rush back to you now. Okay, another Bell Gargoyle fight, you might think to yourself. I mean, no HUGE deal right? They were tough, but certainly manageable.
    You see the first Gargoyle hop down from his platform, and the battle is on. You go in closer, annoyed that you can't immediately lock on. About five seconds after the first one hops down, a second Gargoyle swoops down behind you (and perhaps catches you off guard, especially if this is your first time fighting them). You circle around and get both of them in front of you. Okay, two Gargoyles, not a huge deal. Didn't we just recently beat THREE Sentinels?
    You start fighting away at these two, carefully keeping them in front of you, and noticing thankfully they share one health bar (like the Four Kings from Dark Soul–more on them in a bit.). This ultimately doesn't matter though. A little bit into this battle, a THIRD Gargoyle hops down to join in on the fun. Well, you think to yourself, now a little more than weary, that's certainly different than the Dark Souls battle. Luckily, one of the first two is most likely almost dead, so you can quickly bring this back to a 2-on-1. Or you could, if he wasn't cowardly hiding behind the other two, breathing all matter of hellfire at you. But you're resilient, and you carefully block and roll around, whittling away at the health of the other two, while the first still blows fire right up your ass. Pretty tough, but as soon as you get that fire breather dead, this will be...oh hell, what's that noise from behind you? Oh, just a FOURTH Gargoyle joining the battle. Hip-hip-hooray!
    And at this point, you've either been killed, or you managed to kill one of the first three, bringing this back to a "manageable" 3-on-1. I'm not sure how many can gang up on you at once, I never saw more than four, but I imagine if you don't kill them fast enough, they just keep joining. And that's the real issue with this battle, you gotta do it fast. Well, fast-ish. First, let me go back to the Four Kings battle. I'd feel no embarrassment saying this Belfry Gargoyle battle is more difficult than Four Kings. The mechanic is similar (IE, one shared life bar, and enemies appearing after a certain amount of time), but I never had a HUGE problem with the Kings. I could run up to the first one and slap him around good enough, so when the second one appeared, the first was either dead, or almost dead. I withstood their attacks well. But these Gargoyle assholes? I died 17 (SEVENTEEN!!!) times last night fighting them. I don't think, over my two main characters and 200+ hours with Dark Souls, I died 17 times to the Four Kings (even through NG+ and beyond).
    Now, the fast aspect. I basically start the battle by getting one or two hits in on the first Gargoyle, then becoming super defensive and hiding behind my shield while I either strafe around or straight up run to the other end of the rooftop. So I'm taking this battle very slowly, patiently, methodically. The Gargoyles will have none of that. The window to attack these guys is razor thin, too, so that doesn't help. It adds to my being slow. I'm sure there are players who can take the first two Gargoyles out before the third enters (that's impressive, the third one comes in after a minute, maybe less), but I certainly can't. Luckily I'm rocking a Halbred +4, and it has a crazy good reach. I can stay just out of reach of their short weapons (more on those very soon) and get in an attack, then roll back to get my bearings. It's gonna be a slow war to take these guys down.
    I'd like to quickly describe the general look of these guys. Firstly, THANK GOD THEY AREN'T VAGUELY HUMAN KNIGHTS! These Belfry Gargoyles look more like stone Gargoyles than the Bell ones in Dark Souls. The ones in the first game look more like actual creatures (they have axe-tails and shields, I feel this supports the creature look) as opposed to statues that have come to life. Also, they (Bell G's) have some color. The Belfry counterparts are a stony gray color, and, well, look like stone. They are basically one uniform color. They have a strange weapon, one which I can only describe as a short, two-pronged speared. It seems more ornamental than an actual weapon (lending creedance to the fact that these guys are/were statues). They can attack with their tails, and they have that lovely fire-breath when their health gets low enough. They have a seldom-used lighting attack, which I think is a small AOE deal.
    Finally, I've decided I'm beating these guys alone. Solo. I'm not summoning anyone to help (to make up for my previous two summons for bosses I probably didn't need them for). I want to prove to myself I can take them down alone. It goes without saying (and I'll stop saying it soon) that summoning one or two other phantoms will make this battle IMMENSELY easier (but still no cakewalk). I did put some summon signs down last night, and I was helping one guy, and we got them down to probably 20% health left, maybe only two Gargoyles left, and the guy died. I was heartbroken, and it wasn't even my game. He must have been pissed. Another good thing about this battle? The trip from the bonfire to the fog gate is super short. Takes maybe 30 seconds, and the small amount of enemies can all easily be avoided.
    That's all I have for now. As a note, I'm putting these posts up in the order I beat the bosses, with this exception. I don’t have these guys beat, and I have three others beat I can write about, but I thought my experiences last night should immediately be typed out. I'll make another post when I take theses guys down. Tonight, maybe? For you keeping track at home, I've died 18 times to them so far.

To be continued...