BOSSES: Resident Evil Revelations

AKA Bullet sponges

 

    Since my B-LOG SLAYING post about Resident Evil: Revelations got so unwieldy and large, I decided again to dedicate a post to just bosses. However, unlike Arkham Origins, which had LOTS of boss battles, this game has only five, so this post will be significantly shorter than the Batman one. Without further rambling, let's get going!

Comms Officer (Scragdead):

He's a real stinker!

    This is the first boss you encounter, and except for the final boss, he's the most aggravating. At some point early on, you must make your way to the promenade deck. When you get there, you can hear some (or something) talking, trying to send out a distress signal. His mutated voice indicates something just ain't right, and you get a pretty good feeling you will have to fight whatever is on the other end of that mutated voice. And wouldn't you know it, you find the small locked communication room. Shoot the lock off, and you're treated to this lovely thing:

How nice

    This is the mutated comms officer. He's mostly a large, corpulent thing, with a big tubular mouth filled with teeth, and a large saw on his right hand. He still has part of his human form attached to the shoulder-area of the monster, so this is where the (semi) normal talking came from. You fight commsy in a small, cramped area that thankfully has two floors. It's a series of interconnected hallways, ledges, and stairs. Also, a never ending stream of the normal enemies pour in as well. The whole strategy is to just stay on the move. Luckily, there are large red combustible containers around, and shooting these will drop the monster to his knees for a few seconds, giving you a chance to breath and/or pump him full of lead. I achieved success here by shooting him (mainly with my shotgun) until he got close, then running off a ways, then turning and shooting some more until he got close, then I ran away again. Basically just repeat that until he is dead. Don't expend ammo on the regular enemies though. They can be run past easily enough anyway.
    As far as attacks for the comms officer go, they are pretty limited. He can hit you normally, he can lay traps that get you stuck, and if you get very close to him, he'll saw the hell out of you, killing you instantly. I died probably three or four times to this. So the name of the game really is just STAY AWAY from him. And shoot those red canisters if you get a chance. They are pretty helpful. And this will be kind of a long fight, because it takes a LOT to bring him down. I used ALL my shotgun ammo (around 20 shots) and still needed around a dozen from my handgun (and I think a few from the rifle as well). One final note: there are a few more areas where this monster pops up, but I'm not considering them boss battles. This is the only big-boy boss battle for this enemy.

Boy my screen looks awful!

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Rachael:

 

 

"Hi, I'm Rachael. I like tormenting you endlessly."

    This is the second boss, but it's not a "typical" battle, compared to the other four. I briefly browsed IGN's walkthrough (not using it as an actual walkthrough, mind you), and went to their boss section. They only list four bosses under their "boss" section. Maybe this battle isn't an official boss fight, but she's a unique enemy encounter, so I'm going to include it here anyway. And you know what? It's my blog, so I'll do whatever the hell I please!
    You find her in the beginning area of the ship, the crew's quarters. You hear her murmur some creepy stuff, and see her run up stairs on the opposite side of a large window where you are. She is the (former) partner of a character named Raymond. Once you follow her up the stairs, the music gets dramatic, and she attack from around a corner. I found this part (when she jumps around the corner to attack you) genuinely scary. I knew something was coming, because, I mean, you're following her up the stairs. Even so, it caught me off guard the first time. Bravo!

Hot stuff

    As far as fighting her, it's pretty similar to the other boss encounters: just unload ammo into her. She'll eventually scurry away into the vents. Now you have to run back through all the narrow corridors of the crew's quarters while she periodically pops out of vents to attack you. There are plenty of the regular enemies as well, so it really becomes a gauntlet. There isn't a real strategy, per say, I just ran, tried to ignore the regular enemies if I could, and just shot her with my most powerful weapon (again, probably the shotgun at this point). Once you've pumped her full of enough lead, she'll "die", and you can get a lift key from her that you need. She doesn't actually die, you see. No, she is almost like this game's version of Nemesis, except way less intimidating (but she can still be scary when she suddenly pops out of nowhere), and she doesn't say "S.T.A.R.S." in that chilling way. You encounter her probably five or six more times throughout the story. Each time she can be put down or run away from. She doesn't ever have a "final fight" (not that I know of). Eventually, she just gets annoying.

 

In the throes of death

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DRAGHIGNAZZO:

Example of good dialogue

    This boss is encountered on the observation deck. You first find him riding on the glass elevator to the observation deck. He uses his big, weird hand-thing to smash the elevator and try to hurt you. All you need to do is shoot the exposed hand part (the flesh-colored thing pictured above) enough, and eventually it'll relent. Once you get to the deck, you get to fight him legitimately. Hoo boy, how fun. Also, I'd like to apologize for the pictures, they mostly suck for this guy. I took them, but never bothered to check them to see if they were good. I didn't even look at them until after I beat the game. Oh well!

Even giant mutated monsters can't get enough of steamed hot dogs from a hot dog stand

    You find this bizarrely named creature, and your first thought is probably, "this is gonna be a pain in the ass". Well, he's actually not that bad. First off, the room is quite large. It's got a bunch of stands and boxes all around, and it's absolutely CRAWLING with ammo. All the stands and stuff can be broken as well, to give you more freedom to move around. This monster is mostly shelled, and as such only has a few vulnerable parts to him. His shell is impervious to any attacks. This big bastard will constantly charge at you (with his mutated hand that he attacked the elevator with), but it's pretty easy to avoid. After he does, he'll stand still and you can shoot his exposed spots with relative ease. 

Huh?

     There really isn't a whole lot more to this battle. Dodge his charge attack, and fill him full of lead. I believe I was switching between the shotgun and machine gun at this point. For his easy difficulty, at least he looks pretty cool. This guy is probably my favorite, from an aesthetic design point at least. Let's march on to a big giant huge boss (he's large).

Really, is a caption even needed?

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MALACODA:

 

Big McLargeHuge

  

    Never mind what I just said above, this guy is my favorite looking boss in the game. I'm a sucker for gigantic bosses and the battles that come with them (which was a reason I thought Bayonetta was so cool. And the Cronos fight in God of War III? Breathtaking), and Malacoda here (really rolls off the tongue) takes the cake in that department. You first encounter him during the segment where Chris and Jessica are on the boat, manning the mini-guns, shooting those tentacles that attack from the water (I complained about the dialogue in that part in my B-LOG SLAYING post). Turns out, those tentacles are part of this bastard here. Pretty cool. The whole boss is some sort of huge whale that's been mutated, and it's being controlled by parasites (those tentacles I assume). The first part of this battle involves you just shooting the tentacles as they come towards you. The whole point of you going out to the deck in the first place was to get off the ship via a helicopter. Obviously, the heli can't land with this monstrosity eating the ship, so he hovers overhead. He drops a rocket launcher and ammo, which is integral to taking this thing out. Also, you have a four minute time limit. It's short amount of time, but if you are accurate with the rockets, it should only take about two I think. 

He's on a boat!

    After you kill enough of the parasitic monsters (IE tentacles), you'll be able to get on the helicopter. But instead of peacing the joint, they decided that, maybe letting this thing live and swim in the ocean is probably a very bad idea. The final part of the battle is very similar to the Chris/Jessica portion from before. Both Jill and Chris man the mini-guns, and you just shoot the ever-loving shit out of those tentacles. It's a little tougher, because the helicopter flies around the thing, so aiming is a bit trickier. It's still not that difficult though. And, there's no time limit this time. Eventually, shooting this thing enough will really kill it. Oh happy days!

I just thought this was a great picture

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JACK NORMAN:

The final boss (hint: he doesn't stay human for long)

  

    Here it is, ladies and gents, the final boss of Resident Evil: Revelations. And what a revelation it is! A guy that injects himself with a massive amount of the T-Abyss virus! After he talks for a while, he injects himself, and he turns into a Tyrant-looking monster. Case in point: 

Typical!

Monster penis?

    This form of him, dubbed the Ultimate Abyss, apparently, is the toughest boss in the game. As he well should be, really. This one took me three or four tries to finally beat. He starts off just teleporting around, usually right behind you. He will teleport, and he'll pause for a second, arm raised, ready to strike. If you shoot him before he does strike, he'll be knocked back and you won't take damage. After shooting him, he'll teleport and try to attack again. This first part of the battle is very easy, and can be done (once you know what you're doing) without taking damage. After this, though, it gets tougher.

Quite literally wear his heart on his sleeve* (*front pocket)

    After a few times of this, he'll start teleporting and creating a double of himself when he appears. This can be aggravating at first, but it's still pretty easy. When he teleports and reappears, you'll still get a second or two to attack, and effectively cancel his attack. So, how do you tell the difference between the real and the fake? Easy! The real one always has this purple smoke billowing from him. So, just (quickly) figure out which is the real one, and shoot him!
    Eventually, after doing this a few times, the battle gets hard and annoying. He'll teleport and come at you, but at the last second he'll disappear again, only to reappear a few steps behind where he disappeared. It's difficult to explain, really, but it's kind of like an afterimage effect. Three or four "fake" monsters will start towards you, then disappear, then finally the real one (with that purple smoke) will come at you, and he'll hit you hard if you don't shoot him first. This part is tough to get down. And of course, even though I had five herbs (and there was at least one in the room), I had to use them all. I don't think you can survive more than two attacks from him.

Teleporting

     At times, after attacking him enough, he'll fall on his knees, and his back will be available to shoot. I don't know precisely how this works, but I guess this is the prime time to shoot him. I shot him at every chance I got, not just when he fell to his knees. So I'm not sure how exactly to damage him, but I did kill him eventually. And let me tell you good folks, it took FOREVER! Well over 100 shotgun ammo was consumed. I had the magnum, which historically is the most powerful RE weapon (aside from the rocket launcher), but I mainly stuck to my very high-powered, upgraded shotgun.

    After dodging hours phantom attacks and shooting every bullet ever made into him, he'll eventually die. And that's that. He doesn't have a second form or anything like that. He knows it's his time, and he accepts it. Very nice of him, really.

See? Polite

    And that's all folks. Five boss battles. They are all pretty unique looking, and generally keep up the tradition of good RE bosses. Besides the last boss though, there isn't a hugely different strategy to kill any of these guys. It's really just: cause absurd amounts of damage into their mutated bodies. And none (again, besides the last one) are particularly difficult either. At any rate, I enjoyed them. We can successfully close the book on Revelations for now. Next up, I'm FINALLY going retro! (after two more Dark Souls II posts, of course)

Shane Remembers... (10/24/2014)

Let's race!

Picture courtesy of emuparadise

 

NEED FOR SPEED II (PLAYSTATION)

    Around the time that Need for Speed III: Hot Pursuit came out, my old friend David and I were not really into racing games. But, for whatever reason, we loved Hot Pursuit (author's note: I can totally tell you the reason I loved it: it had cops that chased you. That was the reason I loved it). I remember one day I was over his house, and he had either rented or owned Need for Speed II, so we played it. There are two things I recall about the game: the first was that it was shitty. I couldn't even tell you why, really. It just sucked. The second, and much more about thing about it was the cheat codes. You could input codes to replace your current car with any number of crazy things. The two that pop into mind was a big logging truck and a T-Rex. Who wouldn't want to race down the street in a huge T-Rex? I know there were probably twenty or so more (we had some old video game magazine that had all the codes in it. Aah, the good ol' days, when cheat codes and magazines actually meant something. But, if you don't have an old video game mag, HERE is a list of those codes). That afternoon (I think it was a rainy afternoon, for those curious) was the only time we played that game, and that fucking T-Rex still sticks out to this day.

Picture courtesy of wikipedia

THE THREE STOOGES (NES)

    This is probably the only time in written video game history that this dumb game gets mentioned in the same sentence as The Legend of Zelda, and Zelda II: The Adventure of Link. Why would a Three Stooges game get mentioned with two classics? Well, as far as I remember, this game is one of only three (those two Zeldas are the other two. Duh!) games I remember actively playing on our NES when I was a kid. I know we must have had more games, but I don't remember them. Right as I was turning old enough to fully understand what video games were all about, my family got the Super Nintendo, and I don't even think we kept our NES, quite honestly. Many of my gaming memories start with the SNES, but I have a few from its predecessor. Unfortunately, The Three Stooges is part of that memory pool. Hell, my parents still have this game, and my mom wouldn't even let me have it when I recently started (then stopped) trying to collect NES. At any rate, I only really remember the pie-throwing part and that annoying oyster-cracker part. I could never get those bastards. Hey, this game's got real staying power apparently!

Picture courtesy of Wikipedia

RIVEN: THE SEQUEL TO MYST (PLAYSTATION)

    My dad and I rented this game some time again, knowing absolutely nothing at all about it. Or even Myst in general. Maybe I had heard of it? Who knows (again, those pre-internet days!). I remember it had AMAZING graphics (still does, really). Otherwise, I'm pretty sure my dad and I played it for about ten minutes, said, "this game sucks", returned it, and never bothered playing any Myst game again. As it turns out, I'm interested in playing them now, so hopefully one day I'll get to. Certainly didn't make a good impression with teen-me. 

Picture courtesy of GAMEFAQS

TOM AND JERRY (SNES)

    I don't necessarily remember being a huge fan of this cartoon as a kid. But, back then, that's just how you played video games: you went to the video store (my local one was Video Update), and you rented whatever looked cool/interesting to you. If it sucked, well that was too bad. Live and learn, better luck next time, all that jazz. I remember the factory-like level, the junkyard level, and some level where Tom is gigantic and he tries to crush you (he's behind some boxes I believe). This was one that I know I rented several times, yet I don't think I ever got very far. I think that happened a lot as a kid. I sucked at games (now I'm a n00b-slaying pro*).

Picture courtesy of Coolrom

SUPER COLUMNS (SEGA GAMEGEAR)

    We had a Sega Gamegear. I have no idea why. We never owned any other Sega console. We were always Nintendo (until Sony came along and released the immaculate Playstation). I also remember we only ever had three games for the Gamegear. We had some Spiderman game, some Sonic game, and this gem (no pun intended). I fondly remember laying on the couch, holding that gargantuan beast (while it was plugged in, no less!), and playing this game. This was the only game that ever got played at the house. Even though I played it a lot, I still really sucked at it. But, it was very fun, and that's all that matters. I've recently inquired about the whereabouts to that Gamegear, but unfortunately I don't think it's survived the sands of time.

    There it is everyone. The (very) late first installment of Shane Remembers! Look for them weekly, every Friday. 

*absolutely false. I still suck

B-LOG SLAYING: Resident Evil: Revelations (3DS)

The master of unlocking returns in a throwback RE game!

 

  ***Author's note: Halfway through writing this post, my phone broke, and I'm pretty sure I lost all the notes I made on this game. If I can't get as specific as I usually do, I'm sorry. In the future, I really need to back up my notes, or just write them with pen and paper (and this makes my sarcastic "tech-savy" line now hilariously ironic)  

  ***SECOND AUTHOR'S NOTE: DISREGARD FIRST AUTHOR'S NOTE. I FORGOT THAT THE NOTES APP I USE (COLORNOTES, I LOVE IT) HAS ONLINE SYNCH. SO I DIDN'T LOSE ANYTHING!

TITLE SCREEN!

    Resident Evil is a series that I hold great fondness for. I distinctly remember playing the first one on PS1 back sometime in '96/'97, and it had a huge impact on me. I remember the ridiculous live action cutscene to start the game off (as an aside, how BIZARRE was that?), and I remember thinking (and still kind of think, actually) that they still should have used more of it. Sure, it was cheesy as hell (what part of RE1 isn't just dripping with the finest artisan cheeses known only to the richest kings in Switzerland?), but it was different, and it had an opportunity for some great gore. But alas, such was not the case. My best memory from the first game is the very first encounter with the first zombie. You find him, hunched over in his huge, boxy, green shirt, chomping on someone (I honestly don't remember who), and then he turns, with bloodstained mouth, and gets up to attack. God, that was amazing, and I still think it's a fabulous introduction to the zombie-infested world of Resident Evil. Of course, most modern iterations of RE look nothing like the first (or the original trilogy. All classics in my opinion, with Nemesis being my favorite.). I haven't abandoned the RE ship like so many. In fact, I can embrace change. My wife and I played through RE5 a few summers ago, and overall we both thought it was a blast. Sure, it didn't remind me of "classic" RE, but it was still a great, damn fun game. It had enough RE elements in it to still be considered a Resident Evil game. I haven't played 6 yet (don't worry, one day you'll be able to read a "B-LOG SLAYING" about it), but I hear there are sections that hearken back to "classic" RE. So what's the point of all of this inane rambling? Besides the fact that I like the way the clack-ing of my keyboard keys sound, what in the hell does all this have to do with Revelations? Easy! This one had me constantly thinking back, specifically, to the original Resident Evil, more than any other RE game since 2 or 3. And that's a damn good thing. Let's explore this interesting game some more in my infamous cons/pros lists:

CONS:

• The controls are not that great. Sure, they are reminiscent of the tank controls of the original games, but this gets old after a few hours
• Maybe just a few too many crazy action-heavy sections
• Water/swimming sections (and the monsters therein) are annoying
• Finally, the dialogue is TREMENDOUSLY bad. It's close to "Jill Sandwich" levels

 
    As you can see, none of the cons are really huge deals. Nothing catastrophically bad, that's for sure. Now, for the pros!

 PROS:

• GREAT sound. Between music and sound effects, this game sounds wonderful
• Graphics are quite good for a 3DS game
• As I swooned about above, this a very good "return to form" for Resident Evil. Much more emphasis on "survival horror" instead of action
• I really enjoyed the weapon upgrade system. It was simple, but it made exploring actually FUN
• Boss design is generally great, and they look cool

    Let's start with the controls. When I was making my original notes for this game, I actually LIKED the controls. Here's what I wrote on my phone (I take notes on my phone. You could say I'm awfully tech-savy), regarding the controls: "Controls take a bit to get used to, but I mostly like them. Again, they hearken back to crappy RE1-3 tank controls. Refreshing in a nostalgic sense." Sounds hunky-dory, right? WRONG! That was after an hour or so with the game. Here's what I wrote after the first boss battle, a few hours into the game: "...I'm slightly changing my opinion on them [the controls]. I didn't mind them before, but the battle with the Comms Officer really highlights how annoyingly antiquated they are." In the end, the controls are serviceable enough, but in today's day and age, they really should be better. When you bring up your gun, it basically goes to a first person view to fire. This I actually like, because it makes targeting easier. You know exactly where you are shooting. You can also do a quick-turn around, if you press a button (I don't remember which, maybe "b") and hit "down". This is a great way to get yourself turned around if you need to kill something behind you. Note, this can't be done in the first person view. Only normal view. Otherwise, the controls are crappy. You can't run, and turning is a hassle. Turning while you have your gun up, ready to shoot, is also annoying, because it takes FOREVER. God forbid you have an enemy in front of you and behind you. You'll never be able to swing yourself around in the first person view fast enough to start shooting whatever is behind you without taking some damage. As I complained about in that quote above, the first boss battle is where I really started getting fed up with the controls. It has you pitted against a large deformed man (infected with the T-Abyss virus) and infinite (I think) amounts of spawning enemies. In that battle, you always have to be sure nothing is behind you. It highlights how dumb the controls are.
    My next gripe isn't a huge deal. Really, after the controls, none of the final three big cons are huge deals. The game is broken up into twelve episodes, each with their own chapters. The very beginning of episode three (and dotted throughout the rest of the game as well) has you fighting off a huge amount of Hunter enemies (remember those green, bipedal bastards? Theeeeeey're baaaaack!). It LOADS you up with ammo, and it's really nothing but firing hundreds of bullets into the things until they are all dead.There are a few more sections like this, and it gets old after awhile. Most of the game puts you into a very "survival horror" frame of mind (more on that later), but these sections are pure Gears Of War-type guns blazing action. One or two of these would have been fine, because it would have been a nice change of pace. But there are at least half-dozen of these (if not maybe more) strewn throughout.
    There are some sections in the game where you have to swim underwater. As anyone who's ever played ANY UNDERWATER SECTION IN ANY VIDEO GAME EVER, these are always the worst parts of games. Unless, I suppose, they are strictly underwater games (like the PS1 game Treasures of the Deep, which will appear on this blog one day). At any rate, most of the game takes place on a giant cruise ship, and as such, water is fairly prevalent. There are sections where the ship floods, and you have to swim through the various areas. The swimming controls are not horrible, and this is mainly because there are no complex movements to do while you are swimming. Just swim straight, up, or down. But it's not fun trying to navigate around underwater. Sometimes you even have to dodge enemies, and this is nigh impossible. You acquire some shock grenades which can be used underwater (to stun the enemies), but they are few and far between. Besides the swimming underwater sections, there are sections where you have to tread waist-high water. These parts have the most irritating enemies in the game: these sorta-cockroach-looking guys (sort of), and they swim right under the surface of the water. You can't see them until a split second before they hop out of the water and attack you. This makes them very, very difficult to kill, let alone even attack. This section was especially aggravating. So basically, in conclusion, water sucks in this game, and in every video game ever (basically).
    Now, for the con that is almost a pro. In fact, at first, I wanted to include it as a pro. But as the game wore on, I just couldn't, in good conscience, say it was a good thing. That, of course, is the dialogue. You soon realize we aren't dealing with Tarantino-esque dialogue (shut up about your hatred for Tarantino) here. At some point, towards the beginning, I was thinking that it was great that the dialogue was so cheesy and bad. Again, it reminded me of the first Resident Evil. Except, where that game was a brand new franchise, with no traction yet, and probably a fairly small budget (at least compared to the games now), the bad dialogue could be looked past and laughed about in a heartwarming manner. This game is not the very first in a new series (maybe a new sub-series? But that doesn't count), the RE franchise is HUGE, and I'm willing to bet the budget on this one was bigger than on RE1. I wrote down a great example of the awful dialogue: chapter two of episode eight has you control Chris (along with Jessica), while he is on a boat, racing to board the ship and find Jill and Parker (I'll get into characters soon). There are giant tentacles that come out of the water, and both you and Jessica man huge mini-guns, and you have to shoot at these tentacles as you're whipping through the water. Pretty tense, stressful, deadly, situation, wouldn't you say? Well, not to Jessica, who makes this environmentally-aware quote: "God, the tentacles are so annoying!" Seriously? Seriously Jessica? Yeah know what else is annoying? Your shoes becoming untied. Maybe burning your toast? Running low on gas can be annoying. It's stuff like this, sprinkled all throughout the game, that just get so beyond ridiculous you want to scream at your 3DS. It's as if the characters aren't even aware of their surroundings. Two characters specifically, a duo named Quint and Grinder, are the worst offenders. It's a special brand of bad dialogue. Whereas RE1's dialogue was like B-movie bad (I suggest watching this Youtube clip of the infamous "Jill Sandwich" segment. Also, look for the "master of unlocking" quote that I referenced in the header), and you could just laugh at it for days, Revelations' bad dialogue is just that: bad. It's hackneyed, trite, boring, and at times, nonsensical. There's not much fun in it. Also, I had thought that Revelations might be on the same level as the first game, dialogue wise, but NO SIREE! The original Resident Evil might take the cake for worst video game dialogue of all time. The Revelations series has a long way to go.

That first sentence makes me laugh. Not spoken dialogue, but crappy nonetheless

    The cons are not too bad, and none should detract from the fun this game brings. What kind of fun? Well, perhaps you should read on!

    The sound in this game rocks! I played the entire game with headphones in, just so I could immerse myself in the great environments. It's not scary (but really, what Resident Evil game is, besides the obligatory jump scares?), but all the sound effects really add a level of creepiness. You can hear the monsters slithering, even if you can't see them. Rain and lightning add a nice touch. The gun noises are all good as well. And even though I just bitched about the dialogue, I will say at least the voice acting is okay. Not bad, not amazing. The music also is just fantastic. I couldn't possibly tell you how the music of Resident Evil 5 was (the last RE I played), but it obviously wasn't memorable enough. In a game like this, the sound goes a long way. I would like to give special mention to the (SLIGHT SPOILER AHEAD!) music in the secret laboratory section towards the end. Both the visuals and the music give me a great nostalgic feeling for the secret lab under the mansion in the first game. Jesus, maybe I should stop referencing the first game?
    You know what? No! A big part of the reason I wanted to play this game, and why I enjoyed it so much, was because it gave me a feeling for the first game. The first game is a very important one to me (as I expunged about in the introductory paragraph), and anything that reminds me of it is a great thing. Besides some of those action heavy sequences I talked about above, this game is a real return to survival horror for the beleaguered franchise. After Code Veronica, they kind of lost their way. Sure, everyone always tells me how amazing 4 is (haven't played it yet. Both that and Code Veronica: X will feature on these pages one day), but that was the start of the action-oriented focus. The fact that they wanted to bring the series back, at least somewhat, to what made it so compelling in the first place, is very exciting. I wouldn't even mind if they continued the numbered RE's in the more action-oriented fashion of the last few (again, I don't hate them. I don't mind growth), and kept Revelations as its own sub-series that focused more on survival horror. That'll please everyone, right? Eh, probably not. The fact is, Resident Evil: Revelations, brings back the cramped corridors, ammo conservation (although it's still plentiful, there were times when I ran dangerously low), and dark areas of the first few games. Hell, even the main cruise ship that you play 75% of the game on resembles the Arklay mansion. So, anyone, if you are looking for a more "old school" Resident Evil game, stop fucking around and buy this! I got it used (for 3DS) for $20!

Very first scene of the game. Basic layout

    I went a little out of the order I presented the bullet points in there, but I'll talk quickly about the graphics now. They are pretty darn good for a 3DS game. They could easily pass for PS2, which I guess is good for a handheld. Again, the atmosphere is great, and the locales (cruise ship, icy mountain, overun-with-monsters office building) look good. The monster design is good, with the main "zombie" enemies (they aren't zombies. Will Resident Evil ever have zombies again, I wonder?) are fairly gross, and reminiscent of The Thing a tiny bit. Admittedly, the Hunters are boring, looking as they did all the way back in 1996, but at least the mutated dogs look cool. I'm going to roll up the boss design pro in here as well. I've decided to give them their own separate post (like I did with the bosses of Arkham Origins), but I will say here, the five bosses in the game look as monster-ish as I would hope from an RE game. No regular enemies re-skinned and made bosses. The giant armored boss, and the giant parasite-ridden whale boss, especially, were my favorites. They are all mutated, gross, inhuman crimes against nature. Even the last boss bares resemblance to the ol' steadfast Tyrant bosses from series' past.

Just kinda doing his thing. Minding his own business

Lapping up yummy blood

    You get an item at the beginning of the game called the Genesis scanner. It's an odd little thing at first, but once you learn how to use it, it really makes exploration exciting. When you switch to it, it replaces a weapon. You can use it in first person, and it'll show a scanning-type screen. Any enemy (alive or dead) can be analyzed for data about them. Each enemy marks a certain percentage towards your goal of acquiring 100% scan. Unfortunately, you don't get to really scan each individual enemy. I mean, you DO, but they all get lumped into the same percentage pool. So basically, once you scan enough enemies to get 100%, you start over at 0. Your reward? An herb. At first, I thought this was lame, as herbs are fairly plentiful. But, you can only hold five, and there were several times where five just wasn't enough. So being able to scan enemies and get herbs is very helpful. The best part about the Genesis scanner is that you can scan your environments. Besides hidden hand prints you can find (there are many hidden throughout the game), you can also discover hidden ammo, herbs, and custom parts for your guns. I really enjoy how the upgrade system works: essentially, each gun has a certain amount of spots for upgrades. You can find dozens of upgrades throughout the game (like, added accuracy, damage output, being able to hold more bullets in the magazine, things like that), and each one can be attached to the various weapons. By the end of the game, the shotgun I used (which I defeated the final boss with) had a +60% extra damage upgrade, which made it stupidly powerful. You mainly find all these upgrade parts by scanning environments with the Genesis scanner. I usually find complete exploration in games exhausting and tiresome, but in this game, it really was a great highlight.

Scanning...

    And while this isn't necessarily a pro or a con, I'll quickly address the characters you play as and the way the game is set up. As I said, there are twelve episodes, and each are broken up into chapters. Mostly, you play as series mainstay Jill Valentine and her partner, Parker. The narrative jumps around to different characters and sometimes even flashbacks. You can also play as Chris Redfield and the aforementioned Jessica. Occasionally you'll play as Quint and Grinder, plus a few sections where you play as Parker. Jessica, as I mentioned, spews inane nonsense like the "tentacle" line above, plus she's the overtly-sexual girl. Being as such, she wears the most impractical outfits you could think of (my favorite is her ridiculous wet suit. Beware that that is a link to her page on a Resident Evil wiki, and there are spoilers!) I thought she was a government agent? Anyway, none of the characters are really different from one other, besides aesthetically.

Very eerie dining hall. I wish I had taken more location pics

The clowns Grinder and Quint

    As I mentioned, you play through a variety of fairly interesting locales, with the cruise ship being the most prominently showcased. You can jump from one to another between chapters and episodes. It breaks up any monotony of being in one place for too long, so it's a welcomed addition. After every chapter and every episode you can save your game (no saving in the middle of chapters, which kind of sucks).
    Okay, really quickly, and this has nothing really to do with anything in the last two paragraphs, but this game basically has no puzzles. However, the ones it does have all integrate the touch screen, which is kind of neat. There, that was really quick.

Don't mind that ass in the background

    I think I've blabbed on quite enough now (we're over three thousand words now. Yikes), so I'll finish with this: I really enjoyed this game. Even though it seems I spent more time talking about the cons instead of the pros, know that none of them prevent a fun game from being played (unless you just absolutely cannot get past the controls), and I think this is one that all survival horror fans should play. I also think jaded RE fans should give this a spin. Finally, since this post turned out to be so damn long, I'm going to do a separate post for the bosses in the game (there are only five, but seriously, this post is bloated and meandering enough), like I did for Arkham Origins. I've decided there are to be three tiers of how I handle bosses: tier three is for games with few or no boss battles, and I'll roll those into the B-LOG SLAYING post (like I did with Silent Hill Downpour and that stupid Billy and Mandy GBA game); tier two will be like this and Batman, where there is too much info on bosses and they need their own dedicated post; finally tier one will be mainly for Dark Souls II for now, in which every single boss gets his/her own post. If any other games come out (*cough* Bloodborne *cough*) that have really great boss battles, I'll do separate posts for them all.

    All right, seriously, I'm done. 

Fuzzy credits

BOOKS: Planet Of The Damned

That damned planet!

Planet Of The Damned, Harry Harrison

Thrashed cover

    A few weekends ago, my wife, daughter, and my mother all went to a fabulous little festival in the town we live in. It's called Derryfest. It's as amazing as it sounds. It's just a big park with vendors set up under tents, basically. There are other things (a talent competition, an exotic animal exhibit, some bounce-houses for the kids, lots of food, etc), but mainly it's just walking around and visiting the tents of various local businesses. The Derry Public Library (which is directly next to this park where Derryfest was taking place) also had a tent. Well, it wasn't a tent, but they were there. You could pay two dollars and get a decent-sized bag, and you were then allowed to fill it with as many books as you could from all the available books they had outside. At first, I was like, "oh man, this is gonna be great! I'll pay two bucks and walk away with like twenty awesome books!" Well, my exuberance was a little premature. There were probably a dozen-or-so boxes of books (humorously, all the boxes were old liquor boxes), and I left there with six books (one was a book I already owned). To say the selection was awful would be an understatement. But, I was determined to somehow try to get my money's worth. I grabbed five books that looked like they might be at least partially interesting, and also looked like they might be partially sci-fi. One such book was this one here, Planet of the Damned, by the creatively-named Harry Harrison. 

    You can tell from the cover that it's thrashed. It's the worst-conditioned book I own, and I was a little concerned I wouldn't be able to finish it before pages started falling out like autumn leaves (the very first two pages fell out, plus most of the spine was ready to give out by the time I finished it. If I ever want to read this book again (improbable, but not impossible), I'll have to purchase a new copy. But hey, for essentially 33 cents, I'll take it!). But, finish it I did. This was a book that I knew absolutely zero about going in. That can oftentimes be an exciting prospect. Although, just from reading the cheesy text on the front and back of the book, my expectations were very low. But it was very short (I believe 135 pages?), so I just decided, what the hell, I'll give it a shot. 

Thrashed back cover!

    Overall, I thought this was an enjoyable book. The plot is pretty easy to follow, and there aren't a whole lot of those alien concepts thrown about that man's imagination (this man's imagination, anyway. I'm looking at you, Solaris!) can barely grasp (this is by no means "hard sci fi". Essentially, a man from a little, fairly isolated planet is recruited to help save another planet from being bombed by yet another planet. See, the planet in question that is in danger of being bombed, Dis, is full of unsociable assholes, basically. Their leaders want to drop cobalt bombs on their neighboring planet (that would be Nyjord, the aforementioned, "yet another planet"). The neighboring planet does not want bombs dropped on it, so in retaliation, they are threatening to drop hydrogen bombs on Dis. The book follows the exploits of Brion, who has been tasked with trying to save the planet Dis from total destruction. The story moves pretty fast, and there is very little down-time. From the opening chapter of Brion fencing on his home planet to win a very prestigious (at least on his planet) tournament, the action never really lets up. There are some chapters with nice violent (but not bloody or gory or anything) action, and some with speculative dialogue. 

    The descriptions of the alien planet, and the strange creatures and humanoids that live on it are good. The narration and dialogue I generally thought was decent too. The story keeps you guessing at what exactly is causing the leaders of the Disan people to want to drop bombs on their neighbors, and it isn't divulged until the last few chapters. Even the penultimate chapter has you wondering exactly what might happen to the protagonists. It's a great chapter, and a good one to (almost) end the book off with. The final chapter is the worst in the book. Without spoiling much, it's just two characters talking (in maybe some of the worst dialogue in the book), then another character joins in, and one of the characters says he wont' do something, then immediately changes his mind and says he will do it. If any of that makes sense. Even this didn't bother me much, because most of the rest of the book was good. I mean, this didn't blow me away, and it's not something that will stay with me for years, but it's a good, light, fast read. Again, for you quick readers out there, I'm sure you could blow through it in probably two days. This seems to be my shortest book post yet, but I honestly don't know if there is a whole lot more to say. Maybe that's an indictment on the book itself? Or, more likely, one on me because I can't think of anything else to write. Hell, the first paragraph was about how I bought books at our town's local festival.

    In summary, this was a good book, but not an amazing book. As far as the other sci-fi I've covered in my blog, this book ranks near the bottom. It may be on par with Orphans of the Sky, but perhaps a small notch below it. Besides that book's dumb sexism, it was enjoyable, had an interesting idea, and memorable characters. Not that Planet of the Damned doesn't have an interesting idea (it does), but the characters aren't as memorable. While I suppose you could say there's sexism to be found here, it's probably not as bad as Heinlein's book. I didn't want to mention anything about sexism, because I really don't want each sci-fi blog post about a book from the 1960's to devolve into a discussion on that, but just know there is a female character in this book, and she's instrumental in solving the book's main problem. She's handled well, but not perfectly. At any rate, it's right around Orphans of the Sky. It's not as good as Solaris, Dolphin Island, or Fantastic Voyage, but it's in no way bad. Okay, since I feel like I'm talking in circles, I'll wrap it up. 

    As far as books go, I started one a few days ago, but won't really start to get into it until next week (around October 20). Look for that post to be up around Halloween probably. Nextly, I have a few more blog posts I need to write, namely a few more Dark Souls II ones, and a brand-spanking new "B-LOG SLAYING" post. Plus other stuff. So much writing, so little time. 

I would suggest this book to fans of sci-fi that focuses on strange alien planets and creatures. It won't blow you away, but it's fast and fun. 

Broken spine

 

Aava, the King's Pet

Heavy petting?

    Here we are, ladies and gents: the final DLC for Dark Souls II, and the final few posts about the game I'll make. I think 40+ separate posts about one game is probably enough. Also, I just need to really get past this game. Not in an I'm-obsessing-over-an-old-girlfriend-and-I-need-to-get-past-her way, but more as an actual physical blockade that needs to be pushed through. What is Dark Souls II and its wonderful DLCs blocking, you might (but probably not) ask? Well, my goddamn backlog, of course! It's STILL AT 95 games! While that looms large over me like some sort of space-age, evolution-quickening monolith, I continue to just sit here and play this game which I have over 150 hours on on one character. This is all rambling at this point, but what I'm trying to say is this: I feebly tried to fight and kill a giant tiger. Here are my exploits!

    The final chapter of DLC, "Crown of the Ivory King", will, of course, have its own post, once I successfully finish it. Hopefully it will take less time than the Iron King chapter did. At any rate, this is the first boss I encountered in this DLC. Her name is Aava, and she's the King's pet (obviously). I don't know for certain that Aava is a female, but I've seen her referenced as such online, so what the hell, I'll go with it. This battle can be fought about two minutes into the DLC, but that would be a hilariously fatal thing to do. As always, I tried to keep myself from reading about the DLC before I jumped into it. And, as always, I DID read a little about it before I jumped in. I did know that, after the first bonfire, you can go left or right, and I remember reading (in more than one spot), do not go left! Aava is found there, but if you try to fight her without a specific item, you can't kill her. I didn't know why I couldn't fight her, or even what I needed to fight her with, so when I started the DLC, I didn't go left, and instead went right. Going right brings you through the first main area of the DLC. Eventually, I came upon a very ornate-looking corpse that was shining (even from a great distance I could see it). This corpse had an item called Eye of the Priestess. The description of it said something along the lines of being able to see things that which are normally unseen. I put two and two together, and wouldn't you know, it equaled four! Apparently, you need this item to fight Aava. Now, if you've put two and two together, you'll probably come to the conclusion that you can't fight Aava without this item because she is invisible! Ha, what a fun fight that would be. I'm sure someone will (or already has) beat Aava without the Eye of the Priestess. At any rate, you grab the eye, warp back to the first bonfire, and you're ready to fight another super annoying fucking DLC boss.

The calm during the storm

    Once you go down that left path, you'll soon meet a fog gate. On the way from the bonfire to the boss, there are two NPC summons (Masterless Glencour and old, venerable Steelheart Ellie). Don't worry, I'll get to them a little later (...sigh...). When you walk through the fog gate, you are in a long, slightly doglegged (I'd like to thank various Tiger Woods golf games for that versatile phrase) area. It's completely opened, and lined on either side with humongous statues. Once you walk about three-fourths of the way down, you'll see a large structure with a door, and a ledge above it.
    Walk a little closer and you'll see the boss, perched up on that ledge. This is Aava, a large white icy tiger. I really appreciate the fact that Aava is a monster boss, instead of a humanoid knight. There were not enough monster bosses in these DLCs, which was one of the most disappointing aspects of them. Besides Sinh, Aava, and the optional boss(es) of this DLC, all the other boss fights are either straight up humans/knights (Fume Knight, Sir Alonne, Burnt Ivory King, the Cave bosses) or demonic humanoids (blue Smelter and Elana). Just a bit of an aside rant, but it's kind of boring after awhile fighting the same sorts of enemies. At any rate, Aava is a pretty unique boss in the annals of Souls history. It's just a big tiger, but it looks awesome. Case in point:

She's a roaring good time!

    Aava doesn't have a huge array of attacks, and most are decently telegraphed. Despite this, I had a very difficult time fighting her. First of all, if you're close to her front or back, she can swipe her claws (VERY quickly, without warning) and hit you for big damage. I often found myself at her hind legs, hacking away, only for her to whip around with her claws and deal major damage to me. This was the attack that really had me reeling. Otherwise, she likes to jump around a lot. She will occasionally jump away from you, only to hop back and try to bite you. This attack is devastating, and unless you have full health, can kill you quickly. She'll also jump at you with claws. All the jumping attacks are pretty easy to dodge, in that you can just roll back, or even better, roll forward. This will set up for an attack or two as well. Aava has some magic attacks also. If you stay too close to her for too long, she'll pause and cause an outward explosion from her body. This one hurts quite a bit, and at first it always caught me off guard. Eventually though, you can see her rear up for it, and this gives you just enough time to roll back a few times to escape its radius (it's a pretty big radius). If you stay far away from her, she'll use a homing crystal mass-like spell, that shoots out five (I believe) soul masses, and they can track you. This isn't very difficult to dodge though. Usually, if I ran towards her as the masses form around her, I would arrive at her side, and the masses would miss me. Even if they don't, if the first does hit you, the other four will miss. And just one doesn't do huge damage. Finally, she will do an attack that makes icy spikes jut up from the ground all around her. I heard it described like the flame pillars, but except ice (obvi!). This one hurts like hell as well, but it's easy enough to run away from. Good time to heal as well.
    This was a very aggravating battle for me (what else is new?). At first, after a half-dozen-or-so attempts, I was thinking that it actually might not be a difficult battle. Of course, after another fifteen failed attempts or so, I was changing my song about that. I found it so tough because of all her close melee attacks. They are quick and tough to see coming (well, they were for me at least. Maybe I need glasses?). My general strategy was to go in, buff with flame weapon (you have plenty of space at the beginning area to buff/heal or anything like that, since the boss doesn't appear until you walk further down), and try to stay close and hack away. Of course, with her jumping all around, it was tough to stay close. But even if I did, I still paid the price anyway. I've bemoaned the fact before, but by this time, real Dark Souls II fatigue/burnout was setting in. That's not the full excuse for why I had such a tough time with this fight (an impatience at learning Aava's pattern being the main reason), but it's part of it.

When you get knocked down, you gotta get up again!

    So, in a similar fashion to almost every other boss across all three chapters of this DLC, I had to summon help. I just used the two NPC summons. Sure, they do horrible damage (with the three of us, I could do close to 400 damage, while they were whittling away with 80 damage at a time. WHY are these NPC summons so goddamn weak and pathetic?), but they provide an invaluable help: they draw large amounts of aggro. Those two could beat up (and get beat up. Seriously, why can't they roll out of the way?) on Aava if I needed a breather to heal or re-buff my sword. She generally would focus on them, and allow me free swings. It still took a few tries with my two idiotic companions, but we managed to pull through.
    I don't think there is a lot more I can add to this. The positives of the battle are that it's a monster, and not a knight. She looks great, and the little trick to actually being able to fight her is pretty cool. I found it exceptionally difficult, however, to consistently roll from her quick melee swipes. That's the most frustrating: the inconsistency of my own timing. I think a large problem is how slow my damn sword is. I really should downgrade to something fast. I will lose power (400 base power plus 226 dexterity bonus = pretty decent!), but in the end it'll probably be for the best. With Aava down, I have only TWO more Dark Souls II posts to write about: the overview of the Ivory King DLC, and the final boss of the DLC. There is an optional, "co-op" area to explore, and an optional boss to kill (much like Cave of the Dead and Iron Passage), but I am not doing those at this present time. Perhaps, someday in the future, after I've been away from the game for a few weeks, I'll try again. But it is just not worth the EXTREME aggravation to get through one of the toughest areas in all of Dark Souls II, only to fight a very lazy, annoying boss fight. I'll get into more detail in the Ivory King post. So, until then, he's one more picture of a big kitty-kat, and my final death stats:

Roar?

Times I died: 24
Difficulty: 9/10
Rating: 6/10

Happy Anniversary!

Two years and still going strong!

xoxo

    This post will be dramatically different than all my other ones. You see, today is mine and my wife's two year wedding anniversary! That's pretty big. I mean, you could say it's ONLY two years. Think of what a relatively small amount of time two years is in a common human life. However, I say two years being married is a HUGE thing. Think of how many marriages don't last two years. Think of the ones that last only one year. Think of all the relationships in general that don't last two years. My wife and I (Sandra, to the uninitiated) have been together for almost five years, and married two, and we've gone through quite a lot. But then again, who hasn't gone through a lot?
    Why am I writing this, you may ask? Am I writing this because my wife is beautiful? Well, she is. But that's not the reason. Is it because she has a smile that can turn my whole world from shitty to wonderful? Well, that's a great thing as well, but no, that isn't why I'm writing this. Is it because she's damn funny, and can always make me laugh? Nope, that's not the reason. Is it because she's the most amazing mother I've ever seen? Kara would agree, but that's not the impetuous if my writing this. Could it perhaps be because my wife Sandra is an intelligent, crafty individual? She is kicking some school ass right now, and she can whip up adorable and fun skirts for our daughter like no one's business, but even still, no, that is not why I'm writing this. Oh, is it because she has made me a better person, both in personality, worldview, and physical health. I mean, with her help, motivation, and dedication, has helped me lose 51 pounds since sometime last year (roughly a year ago, I think). That's AMAZING. And I credit her basically 100% (by the by, she's lost 150!). She's made me see the world through better eyes. I've (somewhat) seen the error of my judgemental, silly ways. But no, venerable reader, that is not why I'm writing this. Wait, wait! Is it because she makes me feel safe and comfortable? Is it because, no matter how bad things are, she ALWAYS makes me feel better? She's also great at that. But nay, that's not why!
    I'm writing this little blog post because I'm married to my best friend. Do you know how amazing, how absolutely special it feels, to be married to your best friend? To know, every day, that that friend will be there for you. That she'll wake up in the morning with you, and she'll  go to bed at night with you. I'm not a religious person in the least, but I think the word "blessed" can be used outside of a religious sense. I feel blessed to have Sandra by my side, every day, every hour, every minute, every damn second. Sure, I can annoy her, or even really piss her off (never on purpose, I promise), but she's always still there. Even if I hurt her feelings because I'm a dolt, she's there, more willing than ever to be my best friend. I feel blessed for that.
    Sandra, I love you with all my heart, and I can't wait to spend another five, ten, fifteen, hell, five hundred years with you! Happy anniversary mama!


Okay, enough of the mooshy stuff. Here is a list of things my wife has turned me on to (in no particular order, after #1):

• Lost
• Sons of Anarchy
• Alexisonfire
• City And Colour
• Thrice
• Borderlands
• The Arkham Batman games (hey, still snuck video games in here!)
• The wonderful taste of eggplant
• Also, the wonderful tastes of: broccoli, eggs (sort of), celery, stuffed peppers, tacos, meatloaf (not Meatloaf, though), and just generally healthier eating

Okay, I think that might be everything. I'm sure I've forgotten some things, but that is the large bulk of the important stuff. Until next time everyone, good night. Give your lovers an extra hug!

Introduction to My Weekly "Shane Remembers..." Posts

Sometimes I sort of remember things!

    In an ongoing effort to fill this blog with more than just Dark Souls II, random books, and my backlog adventures (which will take literal years to complete. If I even can), I decided I'd also like to try to finally get some retro goodness in here. I was thinking a few days ago, for no discernible reason at all, about Need For Speed II. This thought spawned a simple, yet potentially interesting idea for a weekly post. Every Friday, I'm going to just pick five games, completely at random, that I remember playing in my formative years. Games that I rented a few times, or ones I borrowed from friends, or ones I used to own outright. The whole goal is to just stimulate discussion of old (but not always that old) games. Most of these will be very short, and some will probably be boring, but that's why you're here, isn't it? For short, boring anecdotes about games like the aforementioned Need for Speed II. Also, it's a way to just talk about and introduce games/genres I would otherwise NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT HERE. So, buckle in, grab some hot cocoa, un-buckle out, pour out your hot cocoa, grab an alcoholic beverage, cozy yourself up in a big comfy chair, hop into a hammock, pour out your alcoholic beverage, and get ready to care very deeply about the words I will type every Friday.