Shane Remembers... (10/31/2014)

Halloweeny!

 

 

 

Picture courtesy of wikipedia

    

RESIDENT EVIL: SURVIVOR (PLAYSTATION)

    Another game my dad and I rented back in the day (in those days, we were both fairly obsessed with anything Resident Evil). This “my dad and I rented a game together” story ends much better (and more heart-warming!) than the Riven one from last week. This was a Saturday or Sunday, and maybe it was even rainy out, and my sister and mom were out. So, being the video game guys we were, we sat down and took turns playing through Survivor. We beat it in a few hours, in one sitting. Still probably the only time I sat down and beat a game in one sitting (minus super-short SNES games that take 30-40 minutes). I don’t remember much from the gameplay (ha, what else is new. Hopefully you guys don’t get sick of that phrase!), but it’s a great memory I have of playing a cool game with my dad.

Picture courtesy of wikipedia

    

MONSTER PARTY (NES)

    Maybe I lied a little bit when I talked about The Three Stooges being one of three games I remember playing for NES. Besides Duck Hunt (but not really Super Mario Bros., oddly), I absolutely remember playing this game. I’m almost certain we owned it, or at the very least I rented it. I only remember playing the first level, and when it turns to that “evil, blood-soaked” kind-of area, I remember that it freaked me out (I’m cautious to actually say it scared me. Can an 8-bit NES game really scare someone?). Those damn upside-down yellow legs and those weird dogs with the humanoid faces. Heeby-jeeby city! The whole game is right up my alley too (a game full of monsters!). I recently played it briefly on an emulator, and it was hard as hell. Gotta get my hands on a cart to play it authentically. 

Picture courtesy of game oldies

   

THE ADVENTURES OF DOCTOR FRANKEN (SNES)

    I totally forgot this game existed until a few years ago when I saw it featured on a Frankenstein-themed episode of Angry Video Game Nerd a few years ago. I was taken aback when I heard the Nerd say how much this game sucked. I always remember enjoying it as a wee lad (again, a game I rented a few times at least). The graphics were pretty cool, and Frankie there looked great (or so I thought. I mean, look how cool he is up there!). I remember liking the backgrounds and enemies, I think? Unfortunately, I remember very little of the actual game or gameplay. Maybe one day I gotta play this again.

Picture courtesy of amazon

    

ZOMBIES ATE MY NEIGHBORS (SNES)

    Okay, this one is cheating a little bit, because I still own this game and play it often (at least relative to all these other games). But how can I talk about Halloween/monster games and mention this one? I LOVE this game. I have ever since I played it as a young child. It appealed to me perfectly: all the cool, classic monsters (which was, and still is, a huge draw for me), the easy-to-learn gameplay, all the goddamn levels (so many!). I'm ashamed to say I have yet to actually beat this game, try as though I might in the last seventeen-or-so years. I remeber always getting to the levels in the 30's, and it would be a mad dash to try and find the one neighbor (because at this point, I only have one left alive). So I'm pretty unfamilair with the later levels, simply because I had to race through them like a maniac to find the neighbor. One day, I will sit down, and I will beat this game. While I don't have this included in my official backlog, if I can successfully beat it, I'll probably write a post about the ordeal. Final note: amazing two player game!

Picture courtesy of giantbomb

 

VIRTUAL BART (SNES)

    Okay, I'm also cheating on this one a little bit too. This isn't a Halloween themed kind of game. But gosh, it is so very difficult for me to think back and remember any others, besides what I've already listed here. Maybe I just didn't play many in my formative years? At any rate, I've included Virtual Bart here because while it may not be a Halloween game, it still gave me nightmares. Why? Well, mainly because I would always rent it, but never be able to beat it. In fact, I don't think I could really beat any of the individual sections. It was (and still is) the same with Bart's Nightmare. I'm woefully bad at both those games. This one though, I distinctly remember the tomato throwing sections, the Mad Max bike-riding section, and I wanna say a section where you have to navigate through a water tube without running into a stuck Homer. Overall, I think I like this game more than Bart's Nightmare, but neither are amazing. 

    Thanks for checking out this (mostly) Halloween-themed installment of "Shane Remembers...". Tune in next week for another amazingly awesome post (I actually already have it written, and it's scheduled to post! Easy week for me)

 

Burnt Ivory King

Closing the DLC out with another human with a sword!

    Once you make your way through the DLC, beat Aava, find  some Loyce Knights, and jump down into the Old Chaos, you're ready to fight the final boss of this Ivory King chapter. And let me say, it's a doozy. First, I'd like to discuss the interesting new mechanic that is introduced with this DLC (I think all the DLCs bring something cool to the table, whether it was the environmental puzzles of the "Sunken Crown" DLC, or the ashen idols of the "Iron King" DLC, or the Loyce Knights of this one. I'm glad From tried to do different things with each chapter). To make the final battle quite a bit easier (but don't worry, it's still aggravating and tedious), you can recruit three Loyce Knights hidden around Frozen Eleum Loyce. These three are all tough to find and the areas where they are locked away can be difficult to get through, but they really make the final battle much more manageable. 

    So, let's say you have your four Loyce Knights (you get one by default, and the other three need to be found) and you're ready to go. Well, where DO you go, exactly? Only probably one of the coolest looking places in the entire game! Once your find the Grand Cathedral and talk to the mysterious queen there (I don't recall her name, but she's the one controlling all the ice and snow (I assume), and the one that tells you to turn back right at the beginning), she'll melt some ice all throughout the DLC, and this will grant you access to new areas. One such area is directly behind the "throne room" of the Grand Cathedral. It's a round room, and the four Loyce Knights stand there, waiting for you. There's a fog gate too. Could you guess that the fog gate leads to the final boss? I mean, it looks ominous enough, right? Let's "jump on in" and find out! 

    I gave you a little hint right there! When you walk through the fog gate at the back of the Grand Cathedral, you jump down a long hole. Except "jump" is the wrong word. Immediately after you step through, you fall. And you fall for quite some time too, I might add. Sort of like the fall into the Abyss to fight the Four Kings in the first Dark Souls. Obviously when you land you don't take damage. After you and your loyal Knights fall down this long hole, you'll end up in Old Chaos. And talk about stunning! It's a large circular arena. You'll notice that there are three large doors (or portals) on the outside of the arena. You'll also notice the whole arena is surrounded by flowing lava and fire. It's quite a contrast to the blue and white snowy bullshit you've dealt with thus far. Finally, you'll notice huge, branch-like things hanging above you. They sort of look like parts of the Bed Of Chaos. Hmm. Bed Of Chaos? Old Chaos? I'm fairly sure there are some connections between the two, but I'm honestly not sure exactly what they are. It's pretty great anyway. And this whole area really looks spectacular, and it's one of my favorite areas of all the DLCs (maybe even the whole game). 

    Once you land, and after you're done marvelling at the scenery, it's time to begin this long, arduous battle. At first, three Charred Loyce Knights (they are charred black, compared to the normal silver ones that are your allies) come out of each of the large portals. You need to fight these Knights. Well, that's pretty obvious right? What DON'T you need to fight in this damn game? Vendors and NPC's I suppose. But that's beside the point. You fight these Knights, and now they keep spawning from the portals. You'll only fight six at time. I don't know if it's possible to fight more, but I only saw six. Each Knight isn't too difficult, but they are great at ganging up on you. And they will, too. They almost seem to ignore your knight allies. Which can get very frustrating, especially if you need to heal. I found healing to be difficult as well, because if you try to stop for a second, one or two of the enemy knights will smash you good. I died SEVERAL times just trying to heal.

You can see a few knights coming out of their portals.

    My basic strategy was to just run around the arena like a maniac, and try to draw one or two away from the huge gang-style fight that takes place in the middle of the arena. If you can fight one-on-one, they only take 5-6 hits to kill. Again, it can be tough to separate just one from the pack. However, as this large battle goes on, your Loyce Knight compatriots will sacrifice themselves to freeze those portals closed, so these charred knights don't infinitely spawn. As you fight, up to three of your knights will end up freezing the portals closed. Once you either freeze all three portals, or kill enough of the charred knights (in case you don't have three Loyce Knights with you to freeze the portals), a gigantic portal rises from the ground, at the end of the arena. After close to a full minute (well, maybe 30 seconds at least) of the gigantic portal rising up, the boss steps through it. 

    And guess what?? He's a human boss who wields a sword! Besides his boring appearance and similar design to several of the other DLC bosses, he's not bad. Just... uninspired. He's like a slower version of Sir Alonne. And as you guys know, I need to fight Sir Alonne again like I need a fucking flea infestation. This battle, however, ends in the strangest way I've ever seen a battle end in 4+ years playing Souls games. But probably not in a way you might expect.

Through the fire and flames

 
    Okay, so beside the fact that the Burnt King is boring to look out, he's a decent boss. The fact that you have to fight through the charred Knights first adds a new depth to the battle. I will say, it gets awfully tedious after a few times though, having to kill all those damn knights over and over again before even getting to the boss. I only died fourteen times to the boss, but I died at least ten (hell, probably more than that) more times than that just fighting all the Charred Knights. I've seen people online say that this fight is really like a giant battle, what with you, and your knights (and any summons) fighting a large group of other knights. I can agree with this partially. While it's great to see all the knights clashing and battling each other, again, it gets old after awhile. I appreciate From doing something different, and dare I say "epic" (not the frat guy, super-overused, devoid-of-all-meaning "epic". More like, "two warring bands of knights are fighting each other to the death" kind of "epic"), it just gets to be too much. 

    Boy, that paragraph didn't exactly go where I wanted to. Let's ACTUALLY talk about the fight with the Burnt Ivory King now. When he comes through the portal, he is invincible for a few seconds. After that, he's ready to attack. He has a few attacks, and they mainly consist of sword slices and thrusts. He'll come at you with various sword slashes, and he likes to jump up to slash too. He's slow anyway, but his jumping attacks seem to be especially sluggish. They are the easiest of his attacks to dodge. The name of this game is just getting the dodging timing down. At some point, he'll buff his sword (how original!!), and it'll become engulfed in a light blue light. I assume it's probably magic, but I'm not 100% sure. But his sword becomes much larger and longer. And just like with Fume Knight, Smelter Demon, and Alonne, this buffed, big sword breaks my brain. I had a much tougher time dodging this buffed sword, as opposed to his regular one. With his buffed sword, he can impale and throw you, which causes huge damage, as you can well imagine. He will also plunge his sword into the ground and cause huge icy spikes to come up in the area immediately around him. Similar to Aava's AoE attack. Now, I  believe he only does those two attacks when his sword is buffed. Good news though, at least the buff doesn't last through the whole fight. It'll run out eventually. 

    I tried this battle with three Loyce Knights, four Loyce Knights, an NPC summon, and both one and two human summons (again, along with the Knights). How did I finally best the Burnt Ivory King? Well, on my successful run, I summoned two human players. So there was a total of seven of us, and by the time we got to the Ivory King, it would be a four-on-one. We all made very quick work of the charred knights, then waited patiently for the king to come. He came, and the battle went on as normal for probably ten to fifteen seconds. I'm not sure what happened next, but the king froze (how ironic really!). As in, he just stood still and didn't move. At first I was dumbfounded. I hadn't experienced any kind of glitch like this before in a Souls game. He was being attacked by four guys, and he just stood and took it all. Didn't budge once, until his health got down to about a quarter, and he fell back slightly. But after that, he continued to remain motionless, like he was one of those guards in front of Buckingham Palace in the UK. All I could do was laugh as the four of us whaled on this still asshole. Sure, it felt cheap. Was I supposed to just quit and restart because it "wasn't a fair fight"? No, fuck that. This was probably the most fitting end I could have hoped for, in regards to this DLC. It's like the game knew how sick and tired I was of playing it, so it offered a punching bag as a branch of peace. So," Crown Of The Ivory King", thank you very much for glitching the final boss.

Blurry disco-dancing Burnt Ivory King

    I would have beaten him eventually anyway. But there is such a thing as burnout, and I've mentioned it a few times already. It's a really shitty feeling to attach to your favorite series of all time, let me tell you what. But sometimes, we just gotta stop, stand back, and just play something else for awhile. I'm gonna come back to DSII at some point. I'd really like to go through these DLCs again with a character on NG, instead of NG++, and see how much easier the bosses are. We'll see when that ever happens. 

    So, children, that's the tale I have to spin about the Burnt Ivory King. Sorry if it's not up to snuff completely, but I beat him probably two weeks ago. I haven't had a chance to write about it until right now. I've been very behind on this blog, and have spent the better part of two weeks trying to catch up. Also, sorry for the lack of pictures, and of their general qaulity. This was one of those situations where I really didn't want to waste valuable times/attempts just trying to get good pictures. So deal with it, ya clowns! At any rate, I am just about caught up with this blog. Once I do the write up for the overview of this DLC, I'll be all set. Look for that hopefully very soon (this week), and keep your eyes peeled for some retro B-LOG SLAYINGS!


Times I died: 14
Difficulty: 8/10
Rating: 6/10

BOSSES: Resident Evil Revelations

AKA Bullet sponges

 

    Since my B-LOG SLAYING post about Resident Evil: Revelations got so unwieldy and large, I decided again to dedicate a post to just bosses. However, unlike Arkham Origins, which had LOTS of boss battles, this game has only five, so this post will be significantly shorter than the Batman one. Without further rambling, let's get going!

Comms Officer (Scragdead):

He's a real stinker!

    This is the first boss you encounter, and except for the final boss, he's the most aggravating. At some point early on, you must make your way to the promenade deck. When you get there, you can hear some (or something) talking, trying to send out a distress signal. His mutated voice indicates something just ain't right, and you get a pretty good feeling you will have to fight whatever is on the other end of that mutated voice. And wouldn't you know it, you find the small locked communication room. Shoot the lock off, and you're treated to this lovely thing:

How nice

    This is the mutated comms officer. He's mostly a large, corpulent thing, with a big tubular mouth filled with teeth, and a large saw on his right hand. He still has part of his human form attached to the shoulder-area of the monster, so this is where the (semi) normal talking came from. You fight commsy in a small, cramped area that thankfully has two floors. It's a series of interconnected hallways, ledges, and stairs. Also, a never ending stream of the normal enemies pour in as well. The whole strategy is to just stay on the move. Luckily, there are large red combustible containers around, and shooting these will drop the monster to his knees for a few seconds, giving you a chance to breath and/or pump him full of lead. I achieved success here by shooting him (mainly with my shotgun) until he got close, then running off a ways, then turning and shooting some more until he got close, then I ran away again. Basically just repeat that until he is dead. Don't expend ammo on the regular enemies though. They can be run past easily enough anyway.
    As far as attacks for the comms officer go, they are pretty limited. He can hit you normally, he can lay traps that get you stuck, and if you get very close to him, he'll saw the hell out of you, killing you instantly. I died probably three or four times to this. So the name of the game really is just STAY AWAY from him. And shoot those red canisters if you get a chance. They are pretty helpful. And this will be kind of a long fight, because it takes a LOT to bring him down. I used ALL my shotgun ammo (around 20 shots) and still needed around a dozen from my handgun (and I think a few from the rifle as well). One final note: there are a few more areas where this monster pops up, but I'm not considering them boss battles. This is the only big-boy boss battle for this enemy.

Boy my screen looks awful!

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Rachael:

 

 

"Hi, I'm Rachael. I like tormenting you endlessly."

    This is the second boss, but it's not a "typical" battle, compared to the other four. I briefly browsed IGN's walkthrough (not using it as an actual walkthrough, mind you), and went to their boss section. They only list four bosses under their "boss" section. Maybe this battle isn't an official boss fight, but she's a unique enemy encounter, so I'm going to include it here anyway. And you know what? It's my blog, so I'll do whatever the hell I please!
    You find her in the beginning area of the ship, the crew's quarters. You hear her murmur some creepy stuff, and see her run up stairs on the opposite side of a large window where you are. She is the (former) partner of a character named Raymond. Once you follow her up the stairs, the music gets dramatic, and she attack from around a corner. I found this part (when she jumps around the corner to attack you) genuinely scary. I knew something was coming, because, I mean, you're following her up the stairs. Even so, it caught me off guard the first time. Bravo!

Hot stuff

    As far as fighting her, it's pretty similar to the other boss encounters: just unload ammo into her. She'll eventually scurry away into the vents. Now you have to run back through all the narrow corridors of the crew's quarters while she periodically pops out of vents to attack you. There are plenty of the regular enemies as well, so it really becomes a gauntlet. There isn't a real strategy, per say, I just ran, tried to ignore the regular enemies if I could, and just shot her with my most powerful weapon (again, probably the shotgun at this point). Once you've pumped her full of enough lead, she'll "die", and you can get a lift key from her that you need. She doesn't actually die, you see. No, she is almost like this game's version of Nemesis, except way less intimidating (but she can still be scary when she suddenly pops out of nowhere), and she doesn't say "S.T.A.R.S." in that chilling way. You encounter her probably five or six more times throughout the story. Each time she can be put down or run away from. She doesn't ever have a "final fight" (not that I know of). Eventually, she just gets annoying.

 

In the throes of death

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DRAGHIGNAZZO:

Example of good dialogue

    This boss is encountered on the observation deck. You first find him riding on the glass elevator to the observation deck. He uses his big, weird hand-thing to smash the elevator and try to hurt you. All you need to do is shoot the exposed hand part (the flesh-colored thing pictured above) enough, and eventually it'll relent. Once you get to the deck, you get to fight him legitimately. Hoo boy, how fun. Also, I'd like to apologize for the pictures, they mostly suck for this guy. I took them, but never bothered to check them to see if they were good. I didn't even look at them until after I beat the game. Oh well!

Even giant mutated monsters can't get enough of steamed hot dogs from a hot dog stand

    You find this bizarrely named creature, and your first thought is probably, "this is gonna be a pain in the ass". Well, he's actually not that bad. First off, the room is quite large. It's got a bunch of stands and boxes all around, and it's absolutely CRAWLING with ammo. All the stands and stuff can be broken as well, to give you more freedom to move around. This monster is mostly shelled, and as such only has a few vulnerable parts to him. His shell is impervious to any attacks. This big bastard will constantly charge at you (with his mutated hand that he attacked the elevator with), but it's pretty easy to avoid. After he does, he'll stand still and you can shoot his exposed spots with relative ease. 

Huh?

     There really isn't a whole lot more to this battle. Dodge his charge attack, and fill him full of lead. I believe I was switching between the shotgun and machine gun at this point. For his easy difficulty, at least he looks pretty cool. This guy is probably my favorite, from an aesthetic design point at least. Let's march on to a big giant huge boss (he's large).

Really, is a caption even needed?

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MALACODA:

 

Big McLargeHuge

  

    Never mind what I just said above, this guy is my favorite looking boss in the game. I'm a sucker for gigantic bosses and the battles that come with them (which was a reason I thought Bayonetta was so cool. And the Cronos fight in God of War III? Breathtaking), and Malacoda here (really rolls off the tongue) takes the cake in that department. You first encounter him during the segment where Chris and Jessica are on the boat, manning the mini-guns, shooting those tentacles that attack from the water (I complained about the dialogue in that part in my B-LOG SLAYING post). Turns out, those tentacles are part of this bastard here. Pretty cool. The whole boss is some sort of huge whale that's been mutated, and it's being controlled by parasites (those tentacles I assume). The first part of this battle involves you just shooting the tentacles as they come towards you. The whole point of you going out to the deck in the first place was to get off the ship via a helicopter. Obviously, the heli can't land with this monstrosity eating the ship, so he hovers overhead. He drops a rocket launcher and ammo, which is integral to taking this thing out. Also, you have a four minute time limit. It's short amount of time, but if you are accurate with the rockets, it should only take about two I think. 

He's on a boat!

    After you kill enough of the parasitic monsters (IE tentacles), you'll be able to get on the helicopter. But instead of peacing the joint, they decided that, maybe letting this thing live and swim in the ocean is probably a very bad idea. The final part of the battle is very similar to the Chris/Jessica portion from before. Both Jill and Chris man the mini-guns, and you just shoot the ever-loving shit out of those tentacles. It's a little tougher, because the helicopter flies around the thing, so aiming is a bit trickier. It's still not that difficult though. And, there's no time limit this time. Eventually, shooting this thing enough will really kill it. Oh happy days!

I just thought this was a great picture

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JACK NORMAN:

The final boss (hint: he doesn't stay human for long)

  

    Here it is, ladies and gents, the final boss of Resident Evil: Revelations. And what a revelation it is! A guy that injects himself with a massive amount of the T-Abyss virus! After he talks for a while, he injects himself, and he turns into a Tyrant-looking monster. Case in point: 

Typical!

Monster penis?

    This form of him, dubbed the Ultimate Abyss, apparently, is the toughest boss in the game. As he well should be, really. This one took me three or four tries to finally beat. He starts off just teleporting around, usually right behind you. He will teleport, and he'll pause for a second, arm raised, ready to strike. If you shoot him before he does strike, he'll be knocked back and you won't take damage. After shooting him, he'll teleport and try to attack again. This first part of the battle is very easy, and can be done (once you know what you're doing) without taking damage. After this, though, it gets tougher.

Quite literally wear his heart on his sleeve* (*front pocket)

    After a few times of this, he'll start teleporting and creating a double of himself when he appears. This can be aggravating at first, but it's still pretty easy. When he teleports and reappears, you'll still get a second or two to attack, and effectively cancel his attack. So, how do you tell the difference between the real and the fake? Easy! The real one always has this purple smoke billowing from him. So, just (quickly) figure out which is the real one, and shoot him!
    Eventually, after doing this a few times, the battle gets hard and annoying. He'll teleport and come at you, but at the last second he'll disappear again, only to reappear a few steps behind where he disappeared. It's difficult to explain, really, but it's kind of like an afterimage effect. Three or four "fake" monsters will start towards you, then disappear, then finally the real one (with that purple smoke) will come at you, and he'll hit you hard if you don't shoot him first. This part is tough to get down. And of course, even though I had five herbs (and there was at least one in the room), I had to use them all. I don't think you can survive more than two attacks from him.

Teleporting

     At times, after attacking him enough, he'll fall on his knees, and his back will be available to shoot. I don't know precisely how this works, but I guess this is the prime time to shoot him. I shot him at every chance I got, not just when he fell to his knees. So I'm not sure how exactly to damage him, but I did kill him eventually. And let me tell you good folks, it took FOREVER! Well over 100 shotgun ammo was consumed. I had the magnum, which historically is the most powerful RE weapon (aside from the rocket launcher), but I mainly stuck to my very high-powered, upgraded shotgun.

    After dodging hours phantom attacks and shooting every bullet ever made into him, he'll eventually die. And that's that. He doesn't have a second form or anything like that. He knows it's his time, and he accepts it. Very nice of him, really.

See? Polite

    And that's all folks. Five boss battles. They are all pretty unique looking, and generally keep up the tradition of good RE bosses. Besides the last boss though, there isn't a hugely different strategy to kill any of these guys. It's really just: cause absurd amounts of damage into their mutated bodies. And none (again, besides the last one) are particularly difficult either. At any rate, I enjoyed them. We can successfully close the book on Revelations for now. Next up, I'm FINALLY going retro! (after two more Dark Souls II posts, of course)

Shane Remembers... (10/24/2014)

Let's race!

Picture courtesy of emuparadise

 

NEED FOR SPEED II (PLAYSTATION)

    Around the time that Need for Speed III: Hot Pursuit came out, my old friend David and I were not really into racing games. But, for whatever reason, we loved Hot Pursuit (author's note: I can totally tell you the reason I loved it: it had cops that chased you. That was the reason I loved it). I remember one day I was over his house, and he had either rented or owned Need for Speed II, so we played it. There are two things I recall about the game: the first was that it was shitty. I couldn't even tell you why, really. It just sucked. The second, and much more about thing about it was the cheat codes. You could input codes to replace your current car with any number of crazy things. The two that pop into mind was a big logging truck and a T-Rex. Who wouldn't want to race down the street in a huge T-Rex? I know there were probably twenty or so more (we had some old video game magazine that had all the codes in it. Aah, the good ol' days, when cheat codes and magazines actually meant something. But, if you don't have an old video game mag, HERE is a list of those codes). That afternoon (I think it was a rainy afternoon, for those curious) was the only time we played that game, and that fucking T-Rex still sticks out to this day.

Picture courtesy of wikipedia

THE THREE STOOGES (NES)

    This is probably the only time in written video game history that this dumb game gets mentioned in the same sentence as The Legend of Zelda, and Zelda II: The Adventure of Link. Why would a Three Stooges game get mentioned with two classics? Well, as far as I remember, this game is one of only three (those two Zeldas are the other two. Duh!) games I remember actively playing on our NES when I was a kid. I know we must have had more games, but I don't remember them. Right as I was turning old enough to fully understand what video games were all about, my family got the Super Nintendo, and I don't even think we kept our NES, quite honestly. Many of my gaming memories start with the SNES, but I have a few from its predecessor. Unfortunately, The Three Stooges is part of that memory pool. Hell, my parents still have this game, and my mom wouldn't even let me have it when I recently started (then stopped) trying to collect NES. At any rate, I only really remember the pie-throwing part and that annoying oyster-cracker part. I could never get those bastards. Hey, this game's got real staying power apparently!

Picture courtesy of Wikipedia

RIVEN: THE SEQUEL TO MYST (PLAYSTATION)

    My dad and I rented this game some time again, knowing absolutely nothing at all about it. Or even Myst in general. Maybe I had heard of it? Who knows (again, those pre-internet days!). I remember it had AMAZING graphics (still does, really). Otherwise, I'm pretty sure my dad and I played it for about ten minutes, said, "this game sucks", returned it, and never bothered playing any Myst game again. As it turns out, I'm interested in playing them now, so hopefully one day I'll get to. Certainly didn't make a good impression with teen-me. 

Picture courtesy of GAMEFAQS

TOM AND JERRY (SNES)

    I don't necessarily remember being a huge fan of this cartoon as a kid. But, back then, that's just how you played video games: you went to the video store (my local one was Video Update), and you rented whatever looked cool/interesting to you. If it sucked, well that was too bad. Live and learn, better luck next time, all that jazz. I remember the factory-like level, the junkyard level, and some level where Tom is gigantic and he tries to crush you (he's behind some boxes I believe). This was one that I know I rented several times, yet I don't think I ever got very far. I think that happened a lot as a kid. I sucked at games (now I'm a n00b-slaying pro*).

Picture courtesy of Coolrom

SUPER COLUMNS (SEGA GAMEGEAR)

    We had a Sega Gamegear. I have no idea why. We never owned any other Sega console. We were always Nintendo (until Sony came along and released the immaculate Playstation). I also remember we only ever had three games for the Gamegear. We had some Spiderman game, some Sonic game, and this gem (no pun intended). I fondly remember laying on the couch, holding that gargantuan beast (while it was plugged in, no less!), and playing this game. This was the only game that ever got played at the house. Even though I played it a lot, I still really sucked at it. But, it was very fun, and that's all that matters. I've recently inquired about the whereabouts to that Gamegear, but unfortunately I don't think it's survived the sands of time.

    There it is everyone. The (very) late first installment of Shane Remembers! Look for them weekly, every Friday. 

*absolutely false. I still suck

B-LOG SLAYING: Resident Evil: Revelations (3DS)

The master of unlocking returns in a throwback RE game!

 

  ***Author's note: Halfway through writing this post, my phone broke, and I'm pretty sure I lost all the notes I made on this game. If I can't get as specific as I usually do, I'm sorry. In the future, I really need to back up my notes, or just write them with pen and paper (and this makes my sarcastic "tech-savy" line now hilariously ironic)  

  ***SECOND AUTHOR'S NOTE: DISREGARD FIRST AUTHOR'S NOTE. I FORGOT THAT THE NOTES APP I USE (COLORNOTES, I LOVE IT) HAS ONLINE SYNCH. SO I DIDN'T LOSE ANYTHING!

TITLE SCREEN!

    Resident Evil is a series that I hold great fondness for. I distinctly remember playing the first one on PS1 back sometime in '96/'97, and it had a huge impact on me. I remember the ridiculous live action cutscene to start the game off (as an aside, how BIZARRE was that?), and I remember thinking (and still kind of think, actually) that they still should have used more of it. Sure, it was cheesy as hell (what part of RE1 isn't just dripping with the finest artisan cheeses known only to the richest kings in Switzerland?), but it was different, and it had an opportunity for some great gore. But alas, such was not the case. My best memory from the first game is the very first encounter with the first zombie. You find him, hunched over in his huge, boxy, green shirt, chomping on someone (I honestly don't remember who), and then he turns, with bloodstained mouth, and gets up to attack. God, that was amazing, and I still think it's a fabulous introduction to the zombie-infested world of Resident Evil. Of course, most modern iterations of RE look nothing like the first (or the original trilogy. All classics in my opinion, with Nemesis being my favorite.). I haven't abandoned the RE ship like so many. In fact, I can embrace change. My wife and I played through RE5 a few summers ago, and overall we both thought it was a blast. Sure, it didn't remind me of "classic" RE, but it was still a great, damn fun game. It had enough RE elements in it to still be considered a Resident Evil game. I haven't played 6 yet (don't worry, one day you'll be able to read a "B-LOG SLAYING" about it), but I hear there are sections that hearken back to "classic" RE. So what's the point of all of this inane rambling? Besides the fact that I like the way the clack-ing of my keyboard keys sound, what in the hell does all this have to do with Revelations? Easy! This one had me constantly thinking back, specifically, to the original Resident Evil, more than any other RE game since 2 or 3. And that's a damn good thing. Let's explore this interesting game some more in my infamous cons/pros lists:

CONS:

• The controls are not that great. Sure, they are reminiscent of the tank controls of the original games, but this gets old after a few hours
• Maybe just a few too many crazy action-heavy sections
• Water/swimming sections (and the monsters therein) are annoying
• Finally, the dialogue is TREMENDOUSLY bad. It's close to "Jill Sandwich" levels

 
    As you can see, none of the cons are really huge deals. Nothing catastrophically bad, that's for sure. Now, for the pros!

 PROS:

• GREAT sound. Between music and sound effects, this game sounds wonderful
• Graphics are quite good for a 3DS game
• As I swooned about above, this a very good "return to form" for Resident Evil. Much more emphasis on "survival horror" instead of action
• I really enjoyed the weapon upgrade system. It was simple, but it made exploring actually FUN
• Boss design is generally great, and they look cool

    Let's start with the controls. When I was making my original notes for this game, I actually LIKED the controls. Here's what I wrote on my phone (I take notes on my phone. You could say I'm awfully tech-savy), regarding the controls: "Controls take a bit to get used to, but I mostly like them. Again, they hearken back to crappy RE1-3 tank controls. Refreshing in a nostalgic sense." Sounds hunky-dory, right? WRONG! That was after an hour or so with the game. Here's what I wrote after the first boss battle, a few hours into the game: "...I'm slightly changing my opinion on them [the controls]. I didn't mind them before, but the battle with the Comms Officer really highlights how annoyingly antiquated they are." In the end, the controls are serviceable enough, but in today's day and age, they really should be better. When you bring up your gun, it basically goes to a first person view to fire. This I actually like, because it makes targeting easier. You know exactly where you are shooting. You can also do a quick-turn around, if you press a button (I don't remember which, maybe "b") and hit "down". This is a great way to get yourself turned around if you need to kill something behind you. Note, this can't be done in the first person view. Only normal view. Otherwise, the controls are crappy. You can't run, and turning is a hassle. Turning while you have your gun up, ready to shoot, is also annoying, because it takes FOREVER. God forbid you have an enemy in front of you and behind you. You'll never be able to swing yourself around in the first person view fast enough to start shooting whatever is behind you without taking some damage. As I complained about in that quote above, the first boss battle is where I really started getting fed up with the controls. It has you pitted against a large deformed man (infected with the T-Abyss virus) and infinite (I think) amounts of spawning enemies. In that battle, you always have to be sure nothing is behind you. It highlights how dumb the controls are.
    My next gripe isn't a huge deal. Really, after the controls, none of the final three big cons are huge deals. The game is broken up into twelve episodes, each with their own chapters. The very beginning of episode three (and dotted throughout the rest of the game as well) has you fighting off a huge amount of Hunter enemies (remember those green, bipedal bastards? Theeeeeey're baaaaack!). It LOADS you up with ammo, and it's really nothing but firing hundreds of bullets into the things until they are all dead.There are a few more sections like this, and it gets old after awhile. Most of the game puts you into a very "survival horror" frame of mind (more on that later), but these sections are pure Gears Of War-type guns blazing action. One or two of these would have been fine, because it would have been a nice change of pace. But there are at least half-dozen of these (if not maybe more) strewn throughout.
    There are some sections in the game where you have to swim underwater. As anyone who's ever played ANY UNDERWATER SECTION IN ANY VIDEO GAME EVER, these are always the worst parts of games. Unless, I suppose, they are strictly underwater games (like the PS1 game Treasures of the Deep, which will appear on this blog one day). At any rate, most of the game takes place on a giant cruise ship, and as such, water is fairly prevalent. There are sections where the ship floods, and you have to swim through the various areas. The swimming controls are not horrible, and this is mainly because there are no complex movements to do while you are swimming. Just swim straight, up, or down. But it's not fun trying to navigate around underwater. Sometimes you even have to dodge enemies, and this is nigh impossible. You acquire some shock grenades which can be used underwater (to stun the enemies), but they are few and far between. Besides the swimming underwater sections, there are sections where you have to tread waist-high water. These parts have the most irritating enemies in the game: these sorta-cockroach-looking guys (sort of), and they swim right under the surface of the water. You can't see them until a split second before they hop out of the water and attack you. This makes them very, very difficult to kill, let alone even attack. This section was especially aggravating. So basically, in conclusion, water sucks in this game, and in every video game ever (basically).
    Now, for the con that is almost a pro. In fact, at first, I wanted to include it as a pro. But as the game wore on, I just couldn't, in good conscience, say it was a good thing. That, of course, is the dialogue. You soon realize we aren't dealing with Tarantino-esque dialogue (shut up about your hatred for Tarantino) here. At some point, towards the beginning, I was thinking that it was great that the dialogue was so cheesy and bad. Again, it reminded me of the first Resident Evil. Except, where that game was a brand new franchise, with no traction yet, and probably a fairly small budget (at least compared to the games now), the bad dialogue could be looked past and laughed about in a heartwarming manner. This game is not the very first in a new series (maybe a new sub-series? But that doesn't count), the RE franchise is HUGE, and I'm willing to bet the budget on this one was bigger than on RE1. I wrote down a great example of the awful dialogue: chapter two of episode eight has you control Chris (along with Jessica), while he is on a boat, racing to board the ship and find Jill and Parker (I'll get into characters soon). There are giant tentacles that come out of the water, and both you and Jessica man huge mini-guns, and you have to shoot at these tentacles as you're whipping through the water. Pretty tense, stressful, deadly, situation, wouldn't you say? Well, not to Jessica, who makes this environmentally-aware quote: "God, the tentacles are so annoying!" Seriously? Seriously Jessica? Yeah know what else is annoying? Your shoes becoming untied. Maybe burning your toast? Running low on gas can be annoying. It's stuff like this, sprinkled all throughout the game, that just get so beyond ridiculous you want to scream at your 3DS. It's as if the characters aren't even aware of their surroundings. Two characters specifically, a duo named Quint and Grinder, are the worst offenders. It's a special brand of bad dialogue. Whereas RE1's dialogue was like B-movie bad (I suggest watching this Youtube clip of the infamous "Jill Sandwich" segment. Also, look for the "master of unlocking" quote that I referenced in the header), and you could just laugh at it for days, Revelations' bad dialogue is just that: bad. It's hackneyed, trite, boring, and at times, nonsensical. There's not much fun in it. Also, I had thought that Revelations might be on the same level as the first game, dialogue wise, but NO SIREE! The original Resident Evil might take the cake for worst video game dialogue of all time. The Revelations series has a long way to go.

That first sentence makes me laugh. Not spoken dialogue, but crappy nonetheless

    The cons are not too bad, and none should detract from the fun this game brings. What kind of fun? Well, perhaps you should read on!

    The sound in this game rocks! I played the entire game with headphones in, just so I could immerse myself in the great environments. It's not scary (but really, what Resident Evil game is, besides the obligatory jump scares?), but all the sound effects really add a level of creepiness. You can hear the monsters slithering, even if you can't see them. Rain and lightning add a nice touch. The gun noises are all good as well. And even though I just bitched about the dialogue, I will say at least the voice acting is okay. Not bad, not amazing. The music also is just fantastic. I couldn't possibly tell you how the music of Resident Evil 5 was (the last RE I played), but it obviously wasn't memorable enough. In a game like this, the sound goes a long way. I would like to give special mention to the (SLIGHT SPOILER AHEAD!) music in the secret laboratory section towards the end. Both the visuals and the music give me a great nostalgic feeling for the secret lab under the mansion in the first game. Jesus, maybe I should stop referencing the first game?
    You know what? No! A big part of the reason I wanted to play this game, and why I enjoyed it so much, was because it gave me a feeling for the first game. The first game is a very important one to me (as I expunged about in the introductory paragraph), and anything that reminds me of it is a great thing. Besides some of those action heavy sequences I talked about above, this game is a real return to survival horror for the beleaguered franchise. After Code Veronica, they kind of lost their way. Sure, everyone always tells me how amazing 4 is (haven't played it yet. Both that and Code Veronica: X will feature on these pages one day), but that was the start of the action-oriented focus. The fact that they wanted to bring the series back, at least somewhat, to what made it so compelling in the first place, is very exciting. I wouldn't even mind if they continued the numbered RE's in the more action-oriented fashion of the last few (again, I don't hate them. I don't mind growth), and kept Revelations as its own sub-series that focused more on survival horror. That'll please everyone, right? Eh, probably not. The fact is, Resident Evil: Revelations, brings back the cramped corridors, ammo conservation (although it's still plentiful, there were times when I ran dangerously low), and dark areas of the first few games. Hell, even the main cruise ship that you play 75% of the game on resembles the Arklay mansion. So, anyone, if you are looking for a more "old school" Resident Evil game, stop fucking around and buy this! I got it used (for 3DS) for $20!

Very first scene of the game. Basic layout

    I went a little out of the order I presented the bullet points in there, but I'll talk quickly about the graphics now. They are pretty darn good for a 3DS game. They could easily pass for PS2, which I guess is good for a handheld. Again, the atmosphere is great, and the locales (cruise ship, icy mountain, overun-with-monsters office building) look good. The monster design is good, with the main "zombie" enemies (they aren't zombies. Will Resident Evil ever have zombies again, I wonder?) are fairly gross, and reminiscent of The Thing a tiny bit. Admittedly, the Hunters are boring, looking as they did all the way back in 1996, but at least the mutated dogs look cool. I'm going to roll up the boss design pro in here as well. I've decided to give them their own separate post (like I did with the bosses of Arkham Origins), but I will say here, the five bosses in the game look as monster-ish as I would hope from an RE game. No regular enemies re-skinned and made bosses. The giant armored boss, and the giant parasite-ridden whale boss, especially, were my favorites. They are all mutated, gross, inhuman crimes against nature. Even the last boss bares resemblance to the ol' steadfast Tyrant bosses from series' past.

Just kinda doing his thing. Minding his own business

Lapping up yummy blood

    You get an item at the beginning of the game called the Genesis scanner. It's an odd little thing at first, but once you learn how to use it, it really makes exploration exciting. When you switch to it, it replaces a weapon. You can use it in first person, and it'll show a scanning-type screen. Any enemy (alive or dead) can be analyzed for data about them. Each enemy marks a certain percentage towards your goal of acquiring 100% scan. Unfortunately, you don't get to really scan each individual enemy. I mean, you DO, but they all get lumped into the same percentage pool. So basically, once you scan enough enemies to get 100%, you start over at 0. Your reward? An herb. At first, I thought this was lame, as herbs are fairly plentiful. But, you can only hold five, and there were several times where five just wasn't enough. So being able to scan enemies and get herbs is very helpful. The best part about the Genesis scanner is that you can scan your environments. Besides hidden hand prints you can find (there are many hidden throughout the game), you can also discover hidden ammo, herbs, and custom parts for your guns. I really enjoy how the upgrade system works: essentially, each gun has a certain amount of spots for upgrades. You can find dozens of upgrades throughout the game (like, added accuracy, damage output, being able to hold more bullets in the magazine, things like that), and each one can be attached to the various weapons. By the end of the game, the shotgun I used (which I defeated the final boss with) had a +60% extra damage upgrade, which made it stupidly powerful. You mainly find all these upgrade parts by scanning environments with the Genesis scanner. I usually find complete exploration in games exhausting and tiresome, but in this game, it really was a great highlight.

Scanning...

    And while this isn't necessarily a pro or a con, I'll quickly address the characters you play as and the way the game is set up. As I said, there are twelve episodes, and each are broken up into chapters. Mostly, you play as series mainstay Jill Valentine and her partner, Parker. The narrative jumps around to different characters and sometimes even flashbacks. You can also play as Chris Redfield and the aforementioned Jessica. Occasionally you'll play as Quint and Grinder, plus a few sections where you play as Parker. Jessica, as I mentioned, spews inane nonsense like the "tentacle" line above, plus she's the overtly-sexual girl. Being as such, she wears the most impractical outfits you could think of (my favorite is her ridiculous wet suit. Beware that that is a link to her page on a Resident Evil wiki, and there are spoilers!) I thought she was a government agent? Anyway, none of the characters are really different from one other, besides aesthetically.

Very eerie dining hall. I wish I had taken more location pics

The clowns Grinder and Quint

    As I mentioned, you play through a variety of fairly interesting locales, with the cruise ship being the most prominently showcased. You can jump from one to another between chapters and episodes. It breaks up any monotony of being in one place for too long, so it's a welcomed addition. After every chapter and every episode you can save your game (no saving in the middle of chapters, which kind of sucks).
    Okay, really quickly, and this has nothing really to do with anything in the last two paragraphs, but this game basically has no puzzles. However, the ones it does have all integrate the touch screen, which is kind of neat. There, that was really quick.

Don't mind that ass in the background

    I think I've blabbed on quite enough now (we're over three thousand words now. Yikes), so I'll finish with this: I really enjoyed this game. Even though it seems I spent more time talking about the cons instead of the pros, know that none of them prevent a fun game from being played (unless you just absolutely cannot get past the controls), and I think this is one that all survival horror fans should play. I also think jaded RE fans should give this a spin. Finally, since this post turned out to be so damn long, I'm going to do a separate post for the bosses in the game (there are only five, but seriously, this post is bloated and meandering enough), like I did for Arkham Origins. I've decided there are to be three tiers of how I handle bosses: tier three is for games with few or no boss battles, and I'll roll those into the B-LOG SLAYING post (like I did with Silent Hill Downpour and that stupid Billy and Mandy GBA game); tier two will be like this and Batman, where there is too much info on bosses and they need their own dedicated post; finally tier one will be mainly for Dark Souls II for now, in which every single boss gets his/her own post. If any other games come out (*cough* Bloodborne *cough*) that have really great boss battles, I'll do separate posts for them all.

    All right, seriously, I'm done. 

Fuzzy credits