Bloodborne Boss Rundown, Part 1

PREY SLAUGHTERED 

    To go along with my week 1 diary post, here's a boss breakdown of the first two bosses I fought. Enjoy!

CLERIC BEAST:

    As I've mentioned, I really stumbled onto the first boss (although there seems to be some dissensions in the Giant Bomb forums I love to so frequent. Some people found and killed Father Gascoigne ("Papa G" as he is lovingly called) and continued on without even knowing the Cleric Beast exists). I found him by wandering around, lost. I came upon an area that I SWEAR I had already visited, but as I was walking on this bridge, bam! A boss! It was an exciting, exhilarating moment. My first Bloodborne boss! And he looks great too. He's a very large beast (sort of like a werewolf-looking character) with his rib bones exposed. He's got some fur on his head and on his arm. He also has some gnarled antlers (they are larger and more exquisite than just horns). His left arm is gigantic and covered in long hair, and his right arm is small and skinny. He mainly gets around on his back legs and his big arm. Overall he is interesting to look at, and he moves great.

Boy, that left arm is MUCH bigger than the right (*wink wink*)

 One thing I did with my Dark Souls II boss posts, and one thing I'm NOT doing here, are recording my stats. I'm not counting the amount of deaths, or the rated difficulty, or even just a general rating. I didn't even think of it (partly because I didn't die to Cleric Beast). At the very outset (a year plus ago), I wanted to do the ratings and death counts on ALL bosses through ALL games I played. I then realized that this system wouldn't work with every game. Like for that dumb Billy and Mandy game I played on the GBA a while back. All three bosses would get difficulty ratings of probably 3 or lower, between 0-2 deaths each, and it would just be trivial and boring. So, I'm not going to do that for any of these bosses. I can certainly give a rough estimate of deaths if it's an astronomically small or large number.

    This guy is fairly easy, but man does he have a lot of health! But, I'm getting ahead of myself. His attacks really consist of just jumping around the narrow bridge and swiping/pounding with his hands. If you are too close to him, he can pick you up and deplete about half your health just like that. His arm attacks are slow and telegraphed, so they are pretty easy to dodge. He can leap high into the air, out of frame, and come crashing down. It's tough to keep track of him when he does this, and if he lands on you, you'd better have full health. He almost killed me, at full health, with this attack. He will also stop and gather energy (or so it looks). He glows red from his exposed chest, but I honestly don't know what this does. Maybe it buffs him? Strengthens his attacks? Not sure.

    My strategy was a pretty easy one: I locked on to him, dodged his arm strikes, and just got a few of my own strikes in after he had attacked. I was surprised (actually, shocked might be a better word) when my first attack on him did very little damage. I'm talking maybe 40 points. Thinking back to the original Dark Souls for a moment (because I was playing it before Bloodborne came out, to get that Platinum), the first boss, Taurus Demon, could be taken down with maybe a dozen swings? Something like that. Each hit would do significant damage. After a dozen hits on the Cleric Beast, he had...dozens more still. I don't know if this is me being weak, the boss having a large pool of HP, or some combo of the two. Another strategy I've seen online is to use Molotov Cocktails (and any Oil Urns if you have them). Fire seems to be good against him.

    This write up is a little bit short, but this boss isn't terribly nuanced or difficult. I think he looks awesome, and he's a pretty good first boss (if indeed he is the first boss). He's not as easy as the aforementioned Taurus Demon, or The Last Giant from DSII, so he doesn't quite ease players into the game as much. Cleric Beast is much more aggressive than those two bosses mentioned above. Still, for a Souls veteran, probably not too tough. I'm curious as to how people who are completely new to the Souls games (I have a friend who hasn't played a second of the first three Souls games, but bought Bloodborne) found this boss.

More of a close up of his exposed ribs

    It feels good to be writing about Souls games (sorry, *Souls-like* games. I know it isn't "officially" a Souls game. Just much easier to mention it along with them), and bosses, again.


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FATHER GASCOIGNE: 

What lies beyond?

    Boy, Bloodborne didn't waste time with rage-inducing bosses. Oh, what, the beginning of the game is too easy for you, tough guy? Well, what about a boss battle that has no business being as hard as it is for so early in the game?

    As I mentioned in my diary post, I stumbled onto this boss by accident. Although, isn't that really how you happen upon ALL the bosses? You explore, then you find an area that has a boss. Anyway, you walk into a graveyard, and you are greeted with a short cut scene of the good (read: bad) Father talking. I honestly don't remember a single damn word he said. I was too worried at the proposition I'd have to fight him. For a fleeting moment, I thought he might be a friendly, if not crass, fiendly NPC. NOPER!

    After the short scene, he rushes at you. Now, he isn't as dazzling as the Cleric Beast. He's essentially just another Hunter. He has a top hat and some normal Hunter Garb. He has a Hunter's Axe (hey, like me!) and a Hunter's Blunderbuss (hey, also like me!). And boy, does he enjoy using them. He has all the standard attacks you would associate with the Axe. I believe he has the same move set as you, although he has an uppercut attack which I don't think I have (unless I'm oblivious. If that's the case, where the hell is my uppercut dammit!). He can, and will, transform his Axe to the longer version. I thought he switched back and forth between the two forms, but he apparently does not. He starts with the normal Axe, and after he's taken enough damage, he elongates the Axe, and uses that for the "remainder of the battle" (more on that in a sec). Oh, and he LOVES using his Blunderbuss. It's quite aggravating, actually. He's very fast with it. He'll swing through a combo then immediately shoot the gun. He's overall very aggressive and does not give you much breathing room.

Not much to look at

    While he might not give you breathing room, the graveyard you fight him in does. You see, it's littered with tombstones and trees. Some of the tombstones are cluttered together, and they work great to put some distance between you and him (so you can heal and whatnot). I've read people online comparing him to Flamelurker or Smelter Demon in, I guess, both his aggressiveness and his difficulty. I'd say that's fairly accurate, although at the end of the day, Father G is probably the easiest of them.

    Before I delve into my strategy, there's one more thing I need to talk about. I teased it above, but this battle has three phases. First one is his normal Axe; second one is the long Axe; third is his beast form. Yup, once you get him down to about a quarter health left (give or take a little bit), he transforms into a large monster. I actually thought at first he was a werewolf, but I'm pretty sure he isn't. He's a tall, grotesque, beastly form of his human self. Maybe it has characteristics akin to werewolves, but he doesn't appear to be one himself. I'm starting to get a sense that werewolves are the base that the monsters are built off of. With either their looks or their mythology. Father G's beast form is absolutely brutal. You thought he was aggressive and frenzied before? Ha. He just does. Not. Give. Up. When he's the beast. He just advances and attacks. Advances and attacks. Advances. Attacks. Uck. I believe all he has for attacks at this point are claw swipes, and maybe a jumping attack as well? I don't know, because I was never alive for very long once he turned.

I've been debating making some sort of "beast mode" joke. Eh, seems to easy

    Before I get to my strategy, I'll tell you all how most of the battles before I finally beat him went. I think they get split up into three categories:

1.     I would run into the arena, make a small mistake, and get killed before ever hitting Father G
2.     I would run in, fight him well, but still die before his beast form
3.     I would run, fight, and get DEMOLISHED by his beast form.

    That's basically it. Every attempt (minus the final one, obviously) went one of those three ways. I found that, once locked on, I could dodge him relatively well. I also found, early on, that he is pretty easy to stun (or parry. Whatever it's really called). Once he's stunned (you know, down on one knee for a split second), you can do a visceral attack which does 300+ damage. I realized that this was probably the best way to go about it. However, I also tried another strategy would could probably work (some hardcore pricks might call it "cheesing", but you know what? Fuck them. That's another blog post for another day. though). I used my long Axe and stood on the other side of a cluster of tombstones. From here, the heavy attack goes through the tombstones and hits him. It doesn't do huge damage, maybe 80, but it's relatively safe. Even if you try the heavy charge attack, where he spins around twice (Father G does this one ALL THE TIME), you can hit him through the tombstones. The second hit of this will always knock him down too. This is hardly a foolproof strategy, but it works.

    Finally, before I get to how I beat him, I have read two other strategies online. One says just chuck Molotov Cocktails at him. The other is use the Music Box item (which I didn't get so I don't even know where it is). Apparently, it can only be used once per battle, but it stuns him for a few seconds.

    Okay, what did I do to beat him? A combo of everything. On my first attempt this morning, I walked through the Nightmare Fog and just parried/riposted him like it was my day job. You can parry (stun. Shit, which word should I use?) his beast form as well, and I did this on my first attempt. I had the bastard to one hit left, but I was also close to death, and eh, he just wanted it more. On my winning attempt, I parried in the beginning, but I also attacked from across the tombstones. Once he turned beast, I hit him with one Molotov Cocktail, and I parried him to death after that. It was a great feeling to kill this shithead.

  

I saw this a lot. Look at that! Not much health left

  
    I didn't play much after I killed him. You get a key that opens up the next area, plus a fairly small amount of Blood Echoes (almost wrote souls). This guy, like Cleric Beast, seems to have a RIDICULOUS amount of health. That is an annoying trend so far. Obviously it's far too early for any definitives, but Father G has been the toughest single fight in the game so far. Much harder than the Cleric Beast. What will the future of the game hold? We shall see, we shall see! Thanks for reading and check back soon for another installment.

Bloodborne Diary, Part 1

Feels good to be home 

 

DAY 1 (3/24/15) 

[NOTE: UNLIKE WITH MY FFIV DIARY POSTS, I'M NOT POSTING THE PLAYTIME. REASONING? IT DOESN'T DISPLAY YOUR PLAYTIME (UNLESS I'M MISSING IT)]

     After I put the game in, waited for it to download that large day one patch (will a game ever get released again WITHOUT a day one patch?), and sat through the brief introduction, I was ready to create my character. My lovely wife had expressed her desire to create my character, so I said, "sure! Why not?" She loves that kinda stuff. I also like it, but she is more precise with it. She ended up making me a pretty kick ass vampiric female Hunter named Silas. Here are some pics!

What a smile!

The finished product!

 
    I wanted to get a pic of my starting stats. I'm not sure what Skill, Bloodtinge, or Arcane do. But I noticed that the amount of upgradable skills is far less than the previous games. That's fine by me!
    After this character creation, the game starts proper. You are in a sick room. There's a werewolf creature (I don't know if this is actually a werewolf or one that just resembles one) that is munching on some poor bastard. Try as I might to defeat it with karate chops, I'm killed. This is the "supposed to get killed" portion of the game. After death, I awoke in the Hunter's Dream. This is the safe hub of the game.
    After admiring the great scenery and stumbling around, not sure what to do, I found a spot where I was able to pick out a starting right hand weapon and a starting left hand gun. I chose the Hunter's Axe and the Hunter's Blunderbuss. The damage output from the 'buss is far lower than the pistol, but I knew I wasn't going to be using it for straight offense anyway.
    After messing around a little more here, I found my way back to that sick room (via a transporting tombstone). Before I go on, I should say that there are a lot of things in Hunter's Dream right now that I can't do. The fabled Chalice Dungeons, a couple of baths that say something like, "they link to the nightmare, but something something something". There's also a closed gate and a house on a hill, with three closed doors. Seems like there's a lot of potential for cool stuff here.
    Back in the sick room, I retrieved my lost Blood Echoes and properly whooped that werewolf's ass with my Axe. It's a great weapon, and it has some nice combos. With the elongated version (the "trick" part), it has great range and a lot of variety. After I left here, it was time to really explore this wonderful new game.

Despite the grisliness, it's beautiful

    Overall, through my first several hours, I only died once. I went pretty cautiously throughout, and I didn't take any dumb risks or try to plow through stuff. I was very deliberate and careful. I'm sure I still missed a bunch of stuff, but I was as thorough as I personally can be. I did find lots of items in the ruined, desolate (save for crazed villagers) streets of Yharnam, but they were nothing spectacular. Almost everything was Blood Vials and Quicksilver Bullets. Certainly useful, but not exciting. I also opened up a few shortcuts, which was great.
    The combat felt familiar, yet fresh. I was just amazed at the way my Axe swung and transformed, mid-combo. Is breathtaking too strong a word for a video game weapon? Fuck it, I don't care. It's awe-inspiring. I would also say it's very satisfying to get off two attacks, transform mid-combo, and finish off a monster with the new version of the weapon.
    At any rate, I wandered around the labyrinthine streets, lost for long periods at a time. I had no idea where to go. The environments all looking similar didn't help. There were several closed doors I found that I could "knock" at. Unfortunately, no one behind these doors wanted to let me in. I don't blame them. In fact, I only found one NPC outside of the Hunter's Dream. I don't remember his name (if he even introduced himself, for that matter), but he gave me some items that allow me to keep my Blood Echoes if I die (I think that's what it does).
    So, I'm roaming around, killing everything and feeling pretty good. I accidentally found the first boss, the Cleric Beast. I'll describe it more in the boss post, but he's a large, semi-hairy beast. He has werewolf characteristics for sure. He also has one very large arm, and one very tiny arm.
    I took him out on my first try, easily enough. After I did beat him, there is a lamp that can be lit and used as a checkpoint. The area seems to be a dead end though. I did decided to finally go back to the Hunter's Dream and level up. I levelled from 10 to 14. I also got the Bell item that allows me to summon people to help in my game. Plus, the house is now open. The old man from the opening is in their. I can't do anything else here.
    I transport back to Yranham, and I eventually (accidentally again) found the second boss, Father Gascoigne. After several failed attempts to kill this Hunter, I decided that that was a great time to go to bed for the night. I would try the following day to kill that bastard. Oh, I did find a new weapon, called the Kirkhammer. It's a straight sword in its normal form, and when you transform it, you shove the sword into a giant hammerhead, and it's now a large, crushing hammer. It's one of the coolest-looking weapons I've ever seen in a game. Also, I had to upgrade my "Skill" skill from 9 to 10 to use it. Hhmm.
    My first day was mostly great, but partly irritating. The realization that repeatedly dying to a boss means farming for Blood Vials and bullets dawns on me. And that really sucks. But overall it was thrilling to be back into a brand new Souls (ish) game.

DAY 2 (3/25/15 & 3/27/15)

     Day two was technically two separate morning play sessions. I played for an hour on Wednesday morning, then I woke up early to play a bit this morning. I didn't accomplish a ton, so I'm gonna lump both sessions (about two-and-a-half hours in total) together.
    I left off my first night playing trying to kill the second boss, Father Gascoigne. He killed me 5-6 times that night. The next day, I had an hour to play before I had to get ready for work, and I was determined to bring him down that hour! Unfortunately, I did not bring him down. I spent about 15 minutes farming Quicksilver Bullets, and the remaining time fighting him. By the time I shut it off that morning, my death count to him must be near a dozen or more.
    Let's fast forward now to this morning. My very first attempt at Father G almost resulted in success. I had him to probably 30-40 HP left (which would be one more hit to kill him), but I got killed myself. Such is the life, I guess. It took me four or five more attempts, but I eventually did persevere over him! It felt pretty damn good. Don't believe me? I'll SHOW you!

Trophies for days! ( I have two in this game so far)

    The Playstation 4 just got an update where it automatically takes a screenshot when you get a trophy. Pretty cool.
    After this, I explored the next area, the Cathedral Ward, for a few minutes. I ultimately shut it off and went back to sleep, because I had a pounding headache and I felt like shit. But in the Ward, I did find the first treasure chest in the game (well, first for me). I got a tool to use in Hunter's Dream to modify or imbue weapons (I think that's what it does). Speaking of weapons, I fortified my Axe (also back at Hunter's Dream, in the house) to +2, so it's more powerful than it was before.
    Otherwise that's all I did. I played for 90 minutes this morning, and that's all I accomplished. And I'm glad I did!
    Going forward, if at all possible, I'll try to post two diary updates a week. Maybe one on Wednesday and one on Friday, or something like that? One a week just doesn't seem to be enough. And this way, each post can be a bit smaller.
    That's all for this week folks! Check back in a few days for next week's (part 1) week 2 post. Thanks for reading, and happy (or sad) hunting!

Bloodborne: First Impressions

Whetting your appetite! (with blood)

     I haven’t been this excited about a game in awhile. Since, well, Dark Souls II. I’d say my excitement level for Bloodborne has matched what it was for DSII. My excitement was quenched, then quelled, then a bit tempered, then flared about again, all in one night. I played from roughly 9:45pm to 2:15am (a nice chunk of change there) last night, and I, like many who dove in for the first time yesterday, have some first impressions. I wanna keep this short, because I still want to post a “Week 1 diary entry” for probably Friday, March 27. In fact, I just decided right now, in real time, to just make this a bullet point list. I love bullet point lists. They give you all the neat and tidiness of a normal list, plus the aggression of bullets (Bloodborne features bullets heavily, so that’s a third whammy right there!)

(SPOILERS MAY ABOUND! READ WITH CAUTION!)

• The game looks gorgeous. I’m still in the first main city (Central Yharnam. Yikes, what an awful word to spell!), and it has that very Gothic look (and feel) that they’ve shown in all the press releases and screenshots, but I like it. Pretty different from most Souls games
• Enemy variety is decent. It’s mostly villagers of various types. There are some wolf/beast kind of guys, plus some weird birds. There’s also a gigantic pig that looks so good I’d say he’s my favorite enemy of the game so far
• I love all the blood. Copious amounts of the stuff. Your character gets coated with it too, which looks really badass
• I’ve discovered two bosses so far. The first, The Cleric Beast, was fairly easy. Beat him my first try, matter of fact. The second boss, Father Gascoigne, is HARD AS HELL and has killed me at least a dozen times so far.
• Cleric Beast was a gigantic monster. I have missed monster boss designs. I loved Dark Souls II (more than most it seems), but it had way too many human/knight-type bosses
• Some negatives now: Yes, the loading times suck. After death, it takes anywhere from 30-40 seconds to reload. I am stunned that load times are a problem in the year 2015. Isn’t this PS1-era garbage? I hear it is going to be addressed in an upcoming patch. Let's all cross our fingers
• I have read of people complaining about bad frame rates. I haven't encountered anything like that. Game runs smoothly.
• So far, there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot in terms of weapon or armor variety. You can pick one of three weapons to start with (an axe, a cane, or that saw-blade thing everyone has seen by now). I played for close to five hours last night, and I only found one weapon (albeit a killer sword/hammer combo), and I found no armor (you can buy a set from the merchant in the Hunter’s Dream)
• I’m loving the gun. Seems so weird to have a gun in a Souls-type game, but it fits perfectly. It makes parrying a thing I can actually do!
• Also, even though there isn’t a huge weapon variety early on, you can still attack with your normal heavy/light attacks. Instead of two-handing weapons (which I miss), you can transform your weapon to something different. My small axe transforms to a larger axe that I actually do two-hand, ironically enough. Plus, this new formation has unique light/heavy attacks. Plus, you can do “charge attacks”, which are powerful, long-winded, stamina draining attacks where you hold down the heavy attack button (R2) and then attack. So that’s six unique attacks with one weapon. Not too shabby
• Speaking of combat, when you are locked on to an enemy, when you hit circle to roll, you instead strafe. This is effective, but it isn’t as effective as just being able to roll. Gonna take some time adjusting to it
• I don’t miss shields at all
• You seem to receive a pitiful amount of Blood Echoes early in the game. Tough to really bank them so far
• I found very few of the red spectres (similar to the bloodstains in previous games) actually worked. I would click on one, and it would just disappear. Disappointing, but I guess understandable, given it was the first day the servers were up.
• At first I thought that the enemies dropped a very generous amount of Blood Vials and Quicksilver Bullets. But after being stuck on this boss for awhile, I’ve basically exhausted my supply.
• Which brings me to this: farming (so far) sucks in this game. That’s due to one thing: those dag-nabbid load times. Very tedious. I kind of miss the days of killing enemies then running back to a nearby Bonfire to revive them all.
• Being able to recover health with attacks to enemies after YOU’VE received damage is a nice addition, but I don’t find myself fully utilizing it. I need to stop being so passive and just be as aggressive as the game wants me to be!
• Not that it's too surprising, but I have no real idea what's going on with the story
• Lots of dream references. I'm hardly breaking new ground, but I like this. I LOVE dream-stuff

    My biggest takeaway from my time spent playing on my first night is this: This is undeniably a Souls game, yet it’s also not really a Souls game. So much is almost identical to the previous three titles (walking/rolling animations, health/stamina bars, the very look of the game, the way items glow on downed enemies and bodies throughout the world, being able to leave notes/messages and being able to see the final seconds of someone’s life before they were killed, etc), yet there is a LOT of new/different stuff (guns, Blood Vials, scaling back of the number of stats, the emphasis on faster, more aggressive combat, etc) . This is gonna be a game that I play for awhile, and I see myself playing through it a few times (also to hopefully nab the Platinum trophy. I have it in the previous three, might as well get it for this one too). For my first hour or so, I was ready to call this easily the best game in the series. I'll have to really reserve that judgement until I've put more than 5 hours into it. Some of the quirks/inconveniences/unlikable things in the game started to show through after my first hour of playing. I know I'm going to (most likely, anyway) love this game, and I am already obsessing about it the way I've done with the past three games. It's just great to be playing a brand new adventure from the Dark Souls director. Happy hunting, everyone! See you all soon!

A professional-looking screenshot! I love it

Introduction to Bloodborne-mania

No need to wait 40 seconds here

    As you all probably know, the game Bloodborne was just released today. It's essentially the spiritual successor to either the Souls series as a whole, or specifically Demon's Souls. At any rate, it's basically the next Souls game. And that's a cause for great celebration. So here's how the celebrating is going down on this blog:

    I'm going to be writing about this game. A. Lot. I'm going to do with this what I wanted to do with Dark Souls II when it came out last year (and inspired me to resurrect my years-dead blog), which is a weekly (perhaps more frequent?) diary entry, much like I did with Final Fantasy IV Advance. That worked out quite well, I'd say. I've decided to do two separate weekly posts: one being a general, "what has happened during my play sessions during the week", and one that, of course, focuses on bosses. I don't think there are as many bosses in this one as were in DSII, but I still expect 20+, which is a damn good number. So I think I'm going to have a notebook right next to my bed, and take my general/boss notes on it, then probably bring it to work the next day and convert it to a blog post during my lunch. There's some great news about this too! Since the Playstaion 4 has screenshot capture capability built right in, I can actually get GOOD pictures to go along with the words I write. That's pretty damn exciting. For Dark Souls II, I posted about each boss, but the first several didn't have pictures. Even when I started implementing pictures, many were of very sub par quality. Not this time around!

    I want to keep this post pretty short, but that's the general idea of what you'll be seeing on this blog for the next roughly 8+ weeks. I mean, that's not ALL I'll be posting, but it'll be a 90/10 split between Bloodborne and EVERYTHING ELSE. What is that everything else? Well, if all else fails, I should have a B-LOG SLAYING write up of Castlevania: Circle of the Moon in the coming weeks. I'm at the end of the game (it's pretty damn hard, and decently long), so it should be beat soon. Otherwise, I'll really start up Alone in the Dark, and I'll have a write up of that as well. I haven't abandoned Child of Light, and I'd like to try to keep playing through that as well, but I wouldn't expect that write up any time soon. I will say right here, that game kicks major ass.

    I think that about sums it all up. I expect some people to lose interest in what I'm going to be writing here, but I also expect to pick up some new (or, new-ish) readers. There's lots of feverish Bloodborne fans out there I know between Facebook (ugh, I'm back on that), Twitter, and Instagram. For one final extra bit of goodness, I'm going to list everything I know about the game (it isn't much) before heading into it. It'll be interesting to look back in a few months and realize just how blind I went into it. As a final final note, I REALLY AM TRYING TO DO THIS BLIND. I said that with DSII, but ending up being too obsessed, and I just accidentally read too much.  If it all possible, I'm going to make my way, solo, blind through this game. Wish me luck. And to everyone else who is going to be playing, good luck to you! If anyone wants to add me on PSN, my name is nosferat3.

• First, the bad. I hear the loading times after dying can reach up to 40 seconds. Ugh. I didn't want to believe that when I first read it over the weekend. I'm assuming they can patch it at least
• I also hear there are some frame rate problems. This doesn't bother me at all. I actually had no problem with Blighttown. 
• That's all the bad! I've heard that it is a beautiful looking game with a great world
• I know it's laid out very cleverly and hearkens back to Dark Souls with the way shortcuts become accessible
• Much faster-paced combat. No shields!
• I read in that Edge magazine review that was leaked a few days ago that there was some mechanic that they were forbade to speak about at that time. I wonder that that could be?
• Chalice Dungeons!
• Finally, you can sort of find friends to play with using some sort of password system. Interesting

HAPPY HUNTING EVERYONE!

B-LOG SLAYING: Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins

Portable Mario! And he wears cute bunny ears!

 

    What is there to say about Mario as a character, and the Super Mario Bros franchise as a whole, that hasn't been said a million times over during the past 30-odd years? Me, being the barely-coherent clown that I am, certainly couldn't provide anything wholly unique as far as praising Mario for him basically resurrecting the video game market, but I can at least talk about a lesser-known handheld game that he starred in! That game is, of course, Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins. I have had a very vague knowledge of the game for a while, but recently I decided I wanted to play it. Truthfully I've been dying to play a Mario game for some time now, and this one has satiated that need for the most part. I ordered it from Amazon with a Christmas (remember that holiday?) gift card. I'm pretty sure I started playing it the day it arrived in the mail. On the whole, over four-or-five sittings, it took a little over three hours.

Probably the best enemy in Mario history

    With Mario, you basically know what you're getting. Especially on a handheld console, and one so "primitive" (I mean no disrespect) as the original Gameboy. What we have here is a short, concise, fun, Mario game that spans six worlds with dozens of levels. You can essentially tackle the worlds in any order you want, so you get a certain amount of freedom from the beginning. Each world holds a certain number of typical Mario-style platform levels. Each world has a boss at the end, and each boss surrenders a coin upon defeat. These would be the eponymous six golden coins. Once you acquire all six, a door to Wario's Castle opens up, and you can go through his bullshit area and fight him.
    There are some secret areas/levels as well, but I didn't try to hard to find them. But at some point down the road I'll try for a more complete playthrough. With ALL that being said, what are the cons and pros of this game? Let's find it!

CONS:

• It's most likely from the limitations of the hardware, but the game world is sparse and empty-feeling. There also doesn't seem to be enough levels
• The game, on the whole, is pretty damn easy. The exception? Wario's Castle. Unless I just suck that damn bad. I didn't enjoy that difficulty spike at the very end.  
• The penalty for a game over (having to beat all six bosses to gain the six golden coins again) seems pretty harsh

PROS:

• Despite the more-simplified gameplay, this game is still great fun. Classic Mario with a few new wrinkles thrown in
• I appreciate the few new ideas they throw in (the bunny power-up; 100 coins NOT giving you a 1-up; even 1-ups themselves aren't mushrooms, but hearts!)
• Short and sweet

    Probably my biggest complaint with the game is that it's just so empty. I know, I know, it came out for the original Gameboy in the early 90's. I don't consider this a game-breaking complaint by any means, but it makes the game feel hollow. Let me elaborate a bit. There are six worlds, as I've said, and each world has anywhere from 2-5 (or 6) levels. How the hell could a Mario game have a world with only TWO LEVELS? That's the Space Zone (in truth, I believe it has a secret level as well). This makes the Space Zone seem incredibly rushed and afterthought-y. It's disappointing, because the Space Zone is probably the most interesting, considering you jump around in a low gravity area. Pretty cool really. Most of the worlds don't feel fleshed out, or BIG enough though.

And you get deprived of Mario in his space suit!

    On the whole, this game is pretty easy. Over a few sittings, or took me a little over three hours to beat. I'm fairly confident that I could sit down now and play through it in 90 minutes, or so. This is mostly because the game is pretty easy. However, once you open up the door to Wario's Castle, shit gets real, real fast. Firstly, the Castle is decently long, with several different, distinct sections. Again, I could probably get through it easily enough now, now that I have a good knowledge of it. For my first playthrough, it was rough. There's tough, timed jumps, difficult-to-dodge obstacles, a few semi-annoying "mini bosses" (hardly. More like just tougher normal enemies), but mostly it's just long and nerve-wracking. Now, this may all just be coming from me. Maybe I just suck at this game so much that the final level seemed tough. At any rate, Wario's Castle is where I encountered my first (and thankfully only) game over. Hey, what a great segue! 

    Game overs are generally pretty harsh mistresses. And why should they not be? The game over is a gamer's ultimate nightmare. Usually. To get a game over in this game means having to beat ALL SIX BOSSES again. Yup, when you run out of lives, you see Wario's door to his Castle, and you watch helplessly as all six of those golden coins fly up in the air, and back to their respective bosses. I had figured that a game over would mean I started back at the beginning of the Castle, with three lives and no (normal) coins. Nope. I had to go through six levels and beat six bosses again. Suffice to say, I made damn sure I wasn't so reckless with my lives. The whole process seems pretty harsh for such an easy, light game. Oh well, that's what I get for playing like an asshole. Oh, and the game autosaves, so don't even think about just shutting the Gameboy off if you lose all your lives. 

    Cons? Done! Now onto pros! 

    It's hard to fuck up a Mario game. Even with this limited hard/software, this is still pretty classic Mario fun. It's no Super Mario Bros 3 or Super Mario World (or Yoshi's Island. My personal favorite Mario). The levels are constructed with lots of platforming, lots of enemies/obstacles to kill/destroy, and just generally lots of that classic action. The controls are pretty standard and they feel pretty good. I played this on my Gameboy Advance SP because I can't stand playing anything on my Gameboy Color. It looks like shit and it hurts my neck/head to play. Playing it on the GBA SP gives you some extra color as well, which is nice. The point is it felt good to play on the SP. I wish I could say more of the game play, but there really isn't much else to say.

The map is certainly reminiscent of Super Mario World

    This game throws in a few new things which I'm honestly not sure they've done since. Firstly, besides the normal power up mushroom, you get both the classic Fire Flower power up and one of the best Mario powers ever: the Bunny Ears. They allow you to float after you jump. They are immensely satisfying to use. They are also fun, and they make parts in the game easier because you can just float. 

Cute as a goddamn button

    Not a big deal, but instead of the green 1-up mushrooms, 1-ups are represented by hearts. I assume they did this because the Gameboy had so few colors to use that it would have been hard to differentiate the 1-up mushroom and the normal mushroom. Or maybe they wanted something different. What the hell do I know? Also, coins work pretty differently. Instead of collecting 100 coins and getting a 1-up, you can collect up to 999 coins and use them in a gambling game that you can find on the overworld map. You can potentially win (I think) 30 1-ups (plus other things). I actually like this. I just like different things in the Mario formula. 

    Finally, as I've blabbed about already, this game is short. I think this is a good thing because it perfectly fits in with it being a handheld game. You can pick up and play for just a few minutes if that's all you have. It's a game I could see myself playing again soon, in part because it is so short. As AMAZING as Final Fantasy IV Advance was, I probably won't play  it again for awhile because it represents another 25+ hours I gotta give up.
    Okay, let's talk about bosses (I got all these boss names from a 6 Golden Coins wiki (which I of course didn't write down). I have no idea why they are so bizarre)!

BOSSES:

Tatanga

Pooping dodgeballs?

   

    He flies from one side of the screen to the other. He shoots balls from below his spaceship that come towards you, but they fly up into space at the last second. He also shoots crescents straight ahead as he hovers. Just jump (no gravity, so be careful!) on his head as he flies from one side to the other.

Kurosu

 

 

Oh those beautiful scan lines

    He flies around from one side of the screen to the other. Three hops on his head will put him down. Very easy

Rikki

 

Ouch

    There are three pipes: one on the left side of the wall, two on the right. The rat just goes in one and randomly (maybe) comes out a different one. Again, just gotta jump on him three times. It’s kinda tough because he’s very fast, but it’s hardly unmanageable.

Sabasa

 

Was this the inspiration for that dumb witch from Yoshi's Island?

    There’s three cauldrons on the ground. The witch just disappears and reappears and shoots fireballs. They will either come at you, or go to the bottom of the cauldrons, causing the lids to erupt up. Pretty easy to avoid all her attacks though.

Three Little Pigheads

 

Three Little Assholes (um, that sounds disgusting)

    Besides Wario, this boss gave me the toughest time. There are three pigs, and you have to beat all three. The first comes down and rolls around. You need to jump on him three times. Every time you jump on him, he gets faster. After three jumps, the next pig comes out. He will hop around the room. Again, with each hit, he gets quicker. After he is dispatched, the final pig comes out. He also jumps, but jumps much higher and is tough to jump on his head. Get him three times, and these fuckers are dead and gone.

Pako

 

Very suspicious

    This boss swims around an underwater area. He expels smaller octopi. All you really have to do is swim near the top and jump out of the water, and land on his head. Very easy.

Wario

 

Look at this goofy piece of crap

    The battle with Wario is a long and multi-layered one. It starts in his throne room. He runs around the room and stomps around. There are these light bulb-looking things that constantly move at the top of the screen. When Wario jumps and lands, one of these lights will fall. This first part of the battle is easy. Dodge Wario and his falling lights, and jump on his head three times.
    He runs into the next room after you jump on him three times. You can grab a carrot to get the bunny power-up before entering the room. Wario himself gets a carrot to get the bunny power-up. Otherwise, the lights still move along the top of the screen. Wario jumps and floats around and eventually he'll stomp down. Again, this causes a light to fall. Just jump (and float) to avoid Wario, and give him three knocks on the head.
    The next part of the battle has Wario getting a fire flower (grab the mushroom in the previous room if you need it). There's no more lights that fall, but Wario can shoot large fireballs (as you would imagine). He also runs around the room and jumps. His fireballs are slow and pretty easy to dodge. Just jump on his head, you guessed it, three times, and Wario turns into a small child-like evil troll (???) that cries. You take Wario's Castle, and that's that. The game is beaten!


    And that'll do it, ladies and germs (are people still saying that? "ladies and germs"? I'll have to look into it). It's a pretty simple game, and this is a pretty simple blog post. Don't mind that it took me about six weeks to write it. I would certainly suggest this game to anyone looking for a lighthearted, short, yet quite fun Mario adventure. Don't mind those Gameboy graphics! Thanks for reading, and check back soon (?) for more B-LOG SLAYING posts!

Da end

VG Resolutions: February Edition (updates)

Now: More Timely!

    I know it's only been about two-or-so weeks since my last "monthly" update, but luckily I actually have the time do it sooner. So, February. It's the shortest month. Not a lot of time to game with only those lowly 28 days. And actually, my February was pretty shitty. In fact, one of the shittiest on record for me. Aside from us moving (and all the stress and work that comes with that); my company also moving (and all the stress, work, and sad feelings about leaving some good people behind); me re-aggravating an earlier back injury TWO DAYS BEFORE moving (it's better now!); my daughter getting pneumonia (and subsequently having a scary allergic reaction to her prescription); and in general just royal garbage, I didn't get much time to write or game. Which is why I haven't updated this since Feb. 12.
    But that's okay! We're in March, and everything in general is much better. But, hey, you don't want to read about my personal life. You're here for one thing, and one thing only: hardcore nudity good writing insert funny joke here video games! Unfortunately, I got even less done in February that I did in January, and my resolutions are starting to look ridiculously foolhardy. Still, we must press on!

I'd like to beat a majority of the handheld games I currently own (as of 1/1/2015)

    I haven't beaten anything since my January post. I am however playing through two handheld games. And those of you who follow me on Instagram (@kalameet, get to it!) know what two games those are: Castlevania: Circle of the Moon (awesome game so far) for the GBA, and Alone in the Dark: New Nightmare (eh, not as amazing) for the GBC. Will I beat a majority of the handheld games I own? This one seems to be the most attainable of all my resolutions, mainly because my handheld library isn't huge, and I can play them on lunch and in general, away from home.




I'd like to play games on every console I own

    I've played on all the same consoles as last month, with one huge addition: PS4 baby! Yup, finally got myself one, and I've been playing through The Last of Us: Remastered. I still plan on getting through some 360 and Wii games. Also, I have a working, legitimate NES, so I expect to set them up sooner rather than later to play it.




I need to stop stressing over this damn blog

    Well, yes, I stopped stressing over this blog in February. Mainly because I had like 500 other things to stress over. Now that things have settled down, I'd like to write a lot more on it. And with Bloodborne coming out in a few short weeks, expect all sorts of unapologetic posts about it.



I want to BEAT these games:

1. Dragon Quest VIII (PS2)
2. Any one of the PS1/PS2 era Final Fantasy games (barring XI)
3. Ni No Kuni (PS3)
4. (finish) Alan Wake (360)
5. Child of Light (PS3)
6. Clock Tower 3 (PS2)
7. Duck Tales (NES)
8. Faxanadu (NES)
9. Star Tropics (NES)
10. Galerians (PS1)
11. (finish) Golden Sun: Lost Age (GBA)
12. Granstream Saga (PS1)
13. Magic Sword (SNES)
14. Condemned: Criminal Origins (360)
15. Pier Solar and the Great Architects (Mega Drive, via PS3)
16. Tales of the Abyss (3DS)
17. (finish) Donkey Kong Country Returns (Wii)
18. Undead Nightmare (Red Dead Redemption DLC) (PS3)
19. Resident Evil 4 (PS2)
20. Secret of Evermore (SNES)
21. At least one (but preferably all three) original Splatterhouse games (Arcade/Mega Drive, via PS3)
1. Original arcade Splatterhouse (Jan)
22. At least one of the following two RPGs from the Sonic Ultimate Genesis Collection (Shining Force or Phantasy Star) (PS3)
23. Ico (PS3)
24. (finish) The Legend of Zelda (NES)
25. Ys III (SNES)
26. Ocarina of Time (3DS)
27. One of the following two handheld Castlevanias (Circle of the Moon or Rondo of Blood-from Dracula X Chronicles) (GBA or PSP)
28. Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins (GB) (Jan)
29. Final Fantasy Legend III (GB)
30. Suikoden (PS1, via PS3)

    Well, this list looks identical to last month's. Oi vey. I will say, if I can get my ass in gear, I could have at least Circle of the Moon and Child of Light done by my self-imposed deadline of March 23. We all know what drops the following day. No need to mention bloodborneit again. So, hopefully this list has a few more through-lines in it next month. Because I have a feeling it's going to stall after March.


    Okay, a few more "state of the blog" items here:

• I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but I've been playing (on and off again) Ultimate NES Remix for the 3DS. I'm not writing about it on this blog. I'm also playing through Last of Us: Remastered. I'm not covering that on this blog either. I need SOME games where I don't have to take studious notes, take pictures, remember boss strategies, and in general just kill myself by filling up all the empty space in my brain with this crap. I am playing Child of Light (PS3), Circle of the Moon (GBA), and Alone in the Dark: New Nightmare (GBC). All three of those WILL be covered in this blog.
• Some of you may have noticed that I took all my Simpsons writing off of here. Fear not, I'm creating (well, it's created, and published, but I haven't had a chance to really work on it yet) another blog, dedicated strictly to The Simpsons. I moved all of my Simpsons stuff there for now. I'm still planning on adding lots of content to that, but when can I find the damn time?
• Finally, yes, Bloodborne comes out on March 24. I have my PS4. I have reserved and paid the game off already. I will be getting it, and playing it, on the 24th. I haven't fully decided what I want to do with it yet. The two schools of thought are these:
• Play it through the week, and post weekly diary posts, much like I did with my playthrough of Final Fantasy IV Advance
• Instead of that, take the Dark Souls II route, and write a separate post for each boss I fight. This would make my Bloodborne posts number in, at least, the low-twenties. 

    So that's all, everybody! Thanks for being patient, and stayed tuned for Nosferat2's Emporium of Bloodborne.