Simpsons Season 26 Review: Super Franchise Me

Super Lame Me!

 "Super Franchise Me"

    This episode. *deep exhale*. What a letdown this episode is, after the relatively great (compared to the other two episodes I’ve watched thus far) “Wreck of the Relationship”. The story is actually kinda decent, but man, it’s just not funny. There were two things I really took away from this episode, and unfortunately, I feel they are two issues that plague these newer episodes of The Simpsons: firstly, side characters. This show, besides having amazing main characters and great-to-amazing secondary characters, there are also the side characters. People that will show up, sometimes for only one joke, for ten seconds for one episode, and it’s hilarious. There are three old-time side characters in this episode, and I think they are all godawful this time around. Of course, I’m talking about professor Frink, Gus, and Cletus. Thinking back to the “golden era”, these characters could pop up, like I said, for maybe one singular joke in an episode, and it would be very funny. I don’t mind giving maybe a tiny bit more time to these characters for episodes, but giving them more than one minute of screen time is too much. And now, some 20+ years after these characters were first introduced, they have been pushed to their obnoxious, exaggerated extremes. Gus is a one-joke pony: he’s a pathetic loser who can’t hold a job. It’s funny for a few throwaway jokes. Not funny for even a few minutes of screen time, having him work with Marge at her sandwich shop. Now, Cletus, the once-great send-up of extreme hillbillies, is just very, very annoying. I find him unbelievably grating. Finally, we have Frink. Firstly, why does he need a job at a sandwich shop? But that’s not my problem. My problem is the reliance on him just making those stupid noises after he talks. Hell, he’s only in this episode briefly, and the joke is specifically about him not being able to talk normally. It just isn’t funny anymore. And they take it way too far. Whereas in the better episodes, he might have mumbled on with his weird noises for one or two seconds. Now, it’s like four or five. I say: boo! Finally, this isn’t a problem that is relegated to side characters. Main characters, like Moe and chief Wiggum, are specters of their former hilarious selves.

     Secondly (boy, that was a long paragraph), I feel like they really just extend jokes/gags waaaay too far. There’s a part where Homer continually feeds Santa’s Little Helper bread crust. It’s not funny. And as it goes on, it’s even less funny. Makes me think of Family Guy (yikes!). There’s a part where Homer reminisces about a time he drank free-refill fountain soda. He just drinks and drinks. Where it was once funny when Homer just ate an endless mound of brownies that George Harrison pointed out to him is funny, this is just annoying. “Annoying” is a word I’ve already used twice (minus this time). I bet I’ll use it a few more. This episode really just bugged me. There’s even a gag about Mr. Burns being attracted to a cardboard standee of a motherly sandwich person. It’s not a long joke, but they go back to it at the end of the episode, and it’s probably less funny than the first time. Besides all this crap, this episode was just not that funny. I feel like I’m really eviscerating this episode, and I don’t think I was this critical of the Krusty premiere. I would say this episode is a smidge worse, but they are both pretty sub-par. I guess I got a little excited about that damn boat episode. Oh well, if nothing else, I know the “Treehouse of Horror” episode this year is at least 2/3 good.

    This episode has Ned realizing Homer has been stealing his electricity. He’s using Ned’s power to keep a large freezer (which he also stole from Ned) in his garage that is host to a large amount of meat. When Ned pulls the plug (both figuratively and literally), to avoid the spoiling of all the meat, Marge cooks and it all and makes sandwiches with it. Once those sandwiches become a hit at the school, Marge is offered an opportunity to open a Subway-style sandwich shop. The rest of the episode is just the hijinks and shenanigans of the Simpsons family trying to manage the shop. Once it gets successful, an “Express” variation of the same sandwich chain opens across the street. At the end, everything remains status-quo, as it always does in the Simpsons’ universe. Again, the story was okay, with no real B-story. But, this being a mostly Marge-centric episode, it was pretty weak. So far, through three episodes, we’ve had them center on Krusty/his dad, Bart/Homer, and Marge. Take a guess which one was the best, and which too were not that great? Let’s place the focus on FUNNY characters!

    Now is the time I talk about the couch gag. Fortunately, it’s the shortest one yet. Unfortunately, it is dumb and stupid. It’s just a strange song played over scenes in Springfield of various residents doing things, all in a watercolor-esque painted style. I’m sure this is a reference I’m not getting, but I’m not compelled enough to even check.

    Overall, this episode was not good. It had some good sight gags that made me chuckle, and exactly one quote I thought worthy to write down. Even this isn’t anything amazing. Oh well though. There are what, 19 more episodes in season 26? I’m going to remain very cautiously optimistic. But I'm still giving this episode a big ol' fat...

4/10

Let’s check out the all-knowing and omnipresent bullet point list:

• Ned has a VCR rewinder [important note: we actually owned one of these as well. What the FUCK was the purpose?]. He also has a DVD rewinder
• Ned's freezer that Homer stole is a "Freezerino". Made in Okily, Dokahama, Japan. Maybe the funniest gag of the whole episode
• During a short montage, Homer reads both "Time Passers" and "Can't Focus" magazines
• It seems there was an abundance of short flashbacks or thought bubbles. They all suck
• It's good to see that, after 26 years, they still take jabs at Fox
• My other favorite sight gag was Marge putting up a "first dollar earned". It's a dollar bill in a very nice frame. It pans out, and she has eleven one dollar bills hung up in a similar fashion. First through eleventh dollar earned
• Marge's voice really annoys me in this episode. She is very nervous/anxious/sad in this episode, and her voice, because of all that emotion, really just bothers me
• Homer's pants fall around his ankles. Marge then proclaims she's going to Moe's. Homer gasps very deeply, and his pants come back up from around his ankles to his waist. I greatly enjoyed this
• The prehistoric sandwich bit at the very end is sort of amusing
• The only quote I liked this week:
• Ned (inspecting his power usage): "Why, that's a higher power than even I believe in!"

Probably the funniest joke in the episode

    There you have it. A very disappointing episode in an overall disappointing (young) season of The Simpsons. Tune in soon for the next one! Thanks for reading

Shane Remembers... (12/5/2014)

Happy birthday, ya old bastard!   

    Since the Playstation just turned 20, I'd thought I would celebrate by showcasing a random assortment of PS1 games I loved as a kid. The well of memories for my "Shane Remembers..." posts is starting to run dry (don't cry, though. It'll be okay). I suppose a guy with an AWFUL memory wiring specifically about stuff he remembers from 10-20 years ago was not my best idea. I'm cheating a little bit this week with at least one game that's on my official backlog. I still have enough content for at least three weeks, and I'm hoping to wrack my brain for more relevant stuff. Once I finally run out of stuff to remember, I'll think about altering what this weekly post is all about. But, we'll burn that bridge when we get there (then forgot that we got there and burned a bridge. As long as I don't have to write about it years in the future, I'll be good) 

Picture courtesy of retroboyadvance

MEDAL OF HONOR (PS1)

    I'm not, nor have I ever been a huge fan of first person shooters. But if there's one thing I dislike more than first person shooters, it's war games (or war movies. Or war TV shows. Or war books. War in general I find awfully icky). However, I LOVE this game (and most of the pre-PS3 ones). This very well may have been the first FPS I ever played. Back before they were all about jacking off all over your Internet friends while you mindlessly shoot people for an accumulative 555 hours without any kind of story. Ahem. Anyway, there was something very satisfying about killing Nazis. It wasn't gorey, but it still made you feel all patriotic inside. I especially LOVED those missions where you had to sneak around, disguised in German clothes. One suspicious move and your were toast. And you always needed your papers. God, I want to play this game right now. Throw Battlefield 4 out the window and track down a copy of the original Medal Of Honor, ya meatheads! 

Picture courtesy of emuparadise

 ARMY MEN 3D (PS1)

    Boy, for someone that just spent time complaining about hating war, I probably shouldn't have started off with two war-centric games. Anyway, this game is much less realistic and not at all serious like Medal Of Honor. You play as green army men, and you gotta take out the tan ones. I don't have the vivid memories of this one like I do with MoH, but I put many fun hours into this game. It had a fun story, but I'm pretty sure I was quite partial to the two-player death match sort of mode. It wasn't a traditional death match, and instead may have been a capture-the-flag deal, but I honestly don't remember. What I do remember is a bedroom-type level, and that was a favorite to play in. There were several sequels after this, but I'm not sure I played more than one or two of them. This one, and probably the immediate sequel, still stand out as fun games to me. 

Picture courtesy of gamefaqs

EXCALIBUR 2555 A.D. (PS1)

    This is a game that, as time goes on, I'm becoming more and more convinced only my dad and I have ever really played it. And for good reason. Let me take you back to the glory days of the Playstation. As I've expunged on before, we (basically) didn't have the internet. Again, this was probably 1996/1997. My dad would make it a habit to go to Toys 'R Us, once a week it seemed, and just buy a random PS1 game. Was it gonna be good? Was it gonna be horrendous? We couldn't know until it was purchased, brought home, and played. That's how I was exposed to games like this one, One, Nightmare Creatures, and Overblood (coming up soon!). This game stars a descendant of Merlin, I think. I give this game props for having a female (I think she's supposed to be a teenager too) lead. Even nowadays, it's pretty rare. Anywho, you go through thirteen-or-fourteen stages, with the simple goal of getting to the exit. There are puzzles to figure out, things to retrieve (aren't there ever with this game), and naturally, enemies to kill. Here's how a basic level goes in this game (not specific examples, necessarily, but a general gist):

1. Talk to someone
2. They have something you need (let's say, a keycard). In order to get it, they tell you something they need (and let's say, a medical kit)
3. Wander through the level. Encounter a locked door.
4.  Meet another NPC. He has the key to that door. But he needs booze
5. Wander around. Find the booze. 
6. Bring it back to the booze-needing NPC. Trade it for the key. Go through the locked door.
7. You find cheese
8. Find another NPC. He wants you to find his pet rat
9. Find yet another NPC that is blocking a doorway. In order for him to move, you need to bribe him with something
10. You find grog. Bring it to the guy blocking the doorway.
11. He moves, and inside you find a rat-hole.
12. Place the cheese down, the rat comes out. Hopefully you found a rat cage throughout the level
13. Catch the rat, and bring it back to his owner..
14. Monotonous stuff
15. Tedious stuff
16. Backtracking stuff
17. Monotonous stuff
18. Monotonous and tedious stuff
19. Boss fight
20. Backtracking tedium makes you question your very soul's essence
21. Eventually, you get the medical kit, trade it to the guy all the way back at the beginning, and then you can leave the level with the obtained keycard.

    Okay, I've taken some exaggerated liberties in my overlong example, but this game really is one GIGANTIC fetch quest. But, it holds a strong nostalgia within my heart, so I like it. I own it, and I plan on playing through it again some time. Final fun note: even though it's on Playstation, it uses a password system!

Picture courtesy of emuparadise

 OVERBLOOD (PS1)

    Told you it was coming up soon! Again, like Excalibur above, this was a game (I originally wrote, "guy". Kinda funny?) that my dad bought on a whim. Also like Excalibur, it's pretty primitive and does not come close to standing up to the test of time. However, I still like it. It probably stirs up more good emotion in me then Excalibur does. It's essentially a sci-fi adventure game. You wake up from a cryogenic sleep with no memory. The game tasks you with figuring out what the deal is with that. It relies on puzzles mostly, and there are very few instances of action (there are probably a dozen, or less, fights in the game). Graphics are bad, voice acting is bad, controls are bad, but it's still so good. A sequel even came out, but it was never released here in the states. I need to get my hands on a copy somehow.

Picture courtesy of wikipedia

INTELLIGENT QUBE (PS1)

    Almost like the one that got away. I rented this game once, and every other time I ever played it was on a demo disc. Remember when Playstation magazines came with demo discs? God, that was the best part of getting those magazines. In retrospect, I really wish I had all my old demo discs. I played the hell out of this demo, and I thought it was an amazingly creative puzzle game. It's tough to find puzzle games I like, so this was a revelation. Of course, nowadays it's pretty pricey to find CIB (that's industry talk for "Correct Instance of Box"*). Why wouldn't it be? One day, I'll get this game complete. And I'll play it. Then I'll get frustrated because I can't beat level two. Then I'll put it away, never to be played again. Life is funny like that. Oh, what is this game about? Pushing colored blocks and making sure you don't get crushed/fall of the edge into the abyss. It definitely stares back hard in this game. Also, let me say how much I love the spelling of "cube" as "qube", making the initials of the game IQ! Genius!



    Thanks for reading another (hastily put-together) "Shane Remembers..." This one is probably my best yet, because these are all games I owned (besides the last one, of course), and I played them a lot. So I actually have some tangible memories of them, as opposed to games played for a total of 75 minutes. Check back next week for another great installment!


**Just kidding, it stands for, "Complete In Box". You're welcome

Simpsons Season 26 Review: The Wreck of the Relationship

Lemons: extra sour

"The Wreck of the Relationship"

    Here we have the second episode of season 26 of The Simpsons, entitled "Wreck of the Relationship". I'm very happy to report that I think it's a MAJOR step up from the premiere. I actually enjoyed this episode quite a bit. Now, let's not get carried away here. It was good, but it still just doesn't have what classic Simpsons used to have. This isn't a beautiful season 6 episode, let's say, but it's definitely better than at least a few season 14 episodes I can think of off the top of my head ("Barting Over" and "Dude, Where's My Ranch?" specifically come to mind). Hell, maybe more than a few. Perhaps a review of season 14 would be fun? Eh, another day, another day. We're here to talk 26. Back to this episode, its story is better than the Krusty-centric premiere (although not by much), but this episode has something the previous one didn't: honest-to-goodness laughs! Can you imagine? The main story here has Bart and Homer at their wits' end with each other, mainly due to Bart's continued disrespect of Homer. Marge, at her own wit's end with the both of them, signs them up for a week at sea, on a ship (called the Relation Ship. Har-dee-har-har) that is used to work out father/son relationship problems. Ned, Apu, and Cletus are there as well. Does Ned REALLY have problems with Rod and Todd? I didn't find myself caring (or even really believing) about the other fathers/sons on the ship. What about Milhouse and his dad? Hell, they should have let Krusty's dad live, and they could have thrown them on this boat!

Bart's on a boat motherfuckers, don't you ever forget (still relevant?)

    [note: please ignore all the damn clutter around my desk. I watched most of this episode on my lunch break, and I'm too damn lazy/busy to crop this picture correctly. One day, maybe, I'll go back and re-crop ALL my pictures. Ugh]    
    This episode is another seeming retread of old topics. Like I said in my previous post, it's probably incredibly difficult for them to come up with believable familial situations that the Simpsons as a family haven't already gone through. So while this Bart/Homer story is decent, the B-story I actually liked. The premiere's B-story was pretty shitty, but this one, about Marge controlling Homer's fantasy football team (and also being abhorred about all the trash-talking messages all the other teams send Homer), was good. I'm pretty biased towards fantasy football, so I'm not sure if this skewed my opinion at all. Still, it generated some good laughs. Overall, this episode had me chuckling throughout (still nothing laugh-out-loud funny, but we're getting a little closer I think). It's a HUGE step-up from the last episode. If the season carries on at this pace, I think I'd be pleasantly surprised, and pretty damn pleased. Not to shit on season 14, but if every episode for 26 is like this one, I'd definitely rank this newest season as better than 14. 14 rubs me the wrong way, I guess. I mean, "How I Spent My Strummer Vacation" is great, but you need to search high and low for more that are that good from that season.
    I'd like to briefly discuss the couch gag. I don't think I'm going to do this weekly (hopefully not, anyway), but this one is another long, obnoxious one. It's not as long as the bizarre premiere, but it sucks way more. It has Scratchy on the couch, about to be axed by Itchy. He's saved by the Simpsons, and then he lives at the house. He gets increasingly more aggravating to the normal residents of the household, until they just bring Itchy back, who murders Scratchy. It's long, really not that funny, and just dumb. Full disclosure: I have never really been a huge fan of the couch gags, but at least the bad ones from the "golden era" were a few seconds long. Now, the bad ones are 60+ seconds long. Ugh. 
    Anyway, in summary: slightly better story than previous episode; funny jokes that don't stretch too far (long couch gag notwithstanding); and in general, it's entertaining! I feel good giving this one a solid...

6/10

    There was more to like about this episode than the previous. Let's bullet point it:

• Perv Hunter Web Filter
• It's probably just me, but I find it so strange that Homer (and the whole family/town) uses current technology, like iPhones and Macs. We are a long way away from Homer not even knowing what the internet is. But, it makes sense really. When the Simpsons started, the internet, and home computers, basically weren't things. 
• Homer's fantasy football team name: Somewhere Over the Dwayne Bowe. Actually laughed good at this one.
• Martin beating up Nelson was sort of amusing
• The fantasy football trash-talk messages at the church was funny. Especially Lovejoy doing it too
• I really enjoyed the short montage of Bart and Homer on the boat doing various things
• Also, the over/under knot-tying conversation between Bart and the captain of the ship was great
• Great callback to the signed Tom Landry hat Homer bought waaaaay back in "You Only Move Twice". Marge wears it during her own fantasy football montage.
• There's a part towards the end when there is a big storm brewing. Homer is swabbing the deck, and a wave crashes onto the ship and he disappears with it. Another wave crashes onto the ship, and he re-appears. I really enjoyed this for some reason.
• "Disgraced Captain forced to sell accordion" - a dreamed-up newspaper headline
• Homer: "Pssh, milk! That's for babies and old guys who can't sleep at night because of what they did in the war." Great quote from Homer.
• Marge: "Homey! Homey, the fantasy draft just ended! I got you five kickers! It is called football, right?"

    Check back hopefully tomorrow or Friday for the next season 26 episode review. 

Simpsons Season 26 Review: Clown in the Dumps

"All animals can scream"

"Clown in the Dumps"

     Welcome, welcome! I'm here to talk about season 26 of The Simpsons. I am a huge Simpsons fan. Perhaps you didn't know that? Well, I've loved The Simpsons for a long time, since I was probably five-or-six years old. I would religiously watch them every Sunday night. It was the best thirty minutes of the week. As the years went on, and as I got older, I started to realize something: The Simpsons, a show which once could absolutely do no wrong, was starting to do some wrong. As the season numbers climbed, the quality fell. I watched every season in its entirety, every Sunday, until probably season 16 or 17. Since then, I've only seen a handful of new episodes from those seasons onwards. I know they haven't been great. Some I've seen have been downright BAD. It sucks when a beloved show starts to show its age. Unfortunately, they started showing their age ten years ago. However, I've decided to tune in to the newest episodes. I know I'm very late, but I'm going to do a weekly write up of the newest season of the Simpsons, its 26th. I believe I can give an interesting perspective on these episodes. So, if you're jaded on the Simpsons, but you want to know what's going on with them recently, tune back in weekly (most likely the Mondays after they air). Since I'm I think seven episodes behind, I will try to post several this week, to try to catch up. Anyway, enough jibba-jabba. Let's watch this shit (that was harsh. It's probably not shit, right? Right?)



    It seems, as the Simpsons go on and on, they feel the need to make their couch gag segments longer and longer. Not just longer, though, but more obnoxious and dumb. This episode, the premier of season 26, has an incredibly long couch gag. In fact, I timed it. From the start of the couch gag, until the opening credits (before the episode starts), is 1:43! Remember when couch gags were four-or-five seconds long? And sometimes they were creative and funny? Well, at any rate, I actually really like this opening. It is incredibly long, but it's so UNBELIEVABLY  bizarre and nonsensical, it's pretty entertaining. It's The Simpsons in the far future!




Marge Simpson!

    Let's get down to the real meat of the episode: it centers around the death of a Springfield resident. Apparently, this fact had really been played up, and a lot of hype was created in the days and weeks before the premier. Who could it be? A main character? Wouldn't that be exciting? Even an integral side character? Character deaths have worked, to varying degrees, on the show before. I was unaware of any of this hype, however. I didn't bother paying attention to season 26 until a few weeks after it started. So, who died?

... 

... 

... 

..? 

 Ugh, Krusty's dad, Hyman Krustofsky. What a huge letdown. This is a character that has only been in a few episodes, and I personally find him to be a very weak character. Hardly worthy of the hype, pre-episode.
    Okay, so a character dies. A barely-there character. How is the episode itself? Unfortunately, it's not great. The main story of Krusty grieving his father's death while also trying to figure out who he himself is, and if his father ever respected him, is DECENT at very best. It really just screams of retreading old ground. It's very hard for the Simpsons, in their 26th year, not to retread old ground, but at least do it with a better character. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Krusty. One of the show's strongest characters. However, episodes that focus on him I generally don't like. And episodes that focus on him and his father's relationship I really don't care for. Even going back to the "golden era", season three episode "Like Father, Like Clown", where Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky is introduced, is bereft of many laughs. One of my least favorites of that season. Back to the current, the main story has a little bit of heart at least. The B-story, which shows Lisa being very concerned for her own dad's health, really just sucks. There are no laughs, or real emotion, to be had.
    This is a pretty crappy premiere. I'm not sure what I really expected from this episode. Honestly, not much. I expect very little from The Simpsons these days. It's damn tragic, actually. I'm hoping maybe the upcoming episodes will be a little better than this one (I've watched two others so far. I will say the Halloween episode is actually fairly decent and creative). I mean, a bad premiere doesn't spell disaster for the entire season, does it? I personally dislike the premier to season five, "Homer's Barbershop Quartet". Perhaps one of my least favorite "golden era" episodes. [Note: I'm going to continue using quotes around the phrase "golden era", because I don't think anyone can completely agree exactly what era that was. For me, personally, I'd say seasons 3-9 are my "golden era". Seasons 1 and 2 are good, and 10 is good (11+ have good episodes as well, but that's definitely when the downturn happened), but 3-9 are basically all gold. They could do no wrong in that time.] So, with all this rambling, I'm going to summarize my feelings in a brief few words: few laughs, sub-par story, really bad B-story, lame character death. Bam, that's all you need. I'm going to actually rate these episodes, so I'm going to give it a...

4/10

    But, have no fear! All is not lost. There were actually a few good things about this episode! Here is a rundown of the random notes/quotes I wrote about this episode:

• Firstly, isn't Krusty illiterate? How does he read the teleprompter in the beginning?
• I also thought it was funny that Krusty laments that everyone thinks he's past his prime. Sure sounds an awful lot like a certain TV show past its prime in its 26th season...
• Sideshow Bob has a very brief, but good, cameo. I liked it
• I actually laughed a bit at Krusty solving the Rubik's cube in like three seconds, hoping it would occupy hours of his time
• Also, Bart trying to show Krusty every episode of his show was funny. Especially Krusty's decades-long running gag (unintentional running gag, that is) about celebrities sitting on people
• The Jewish Heaven segment is kind of clever.
• Also, Rodney Dangerfield sitting next to Jesus in the Super VIP section of Jewish Heaven was a nice touch.
• The only quote I thought was worthy of including:
• Krusty: "No no no no, I don't deserve the pre-recorded applause of children long-gone."

    I hope you've enjoyed reading about the premiere episode of the 26th season of The Simpsons. Hopefully we can have some fun this year. That's a big HOPEFULLY, unfortunately, but what the hell, I'll give them one more benefit of the doubt!

The sign reads, "The Whole Store Is a Complaint Department"

Shane Remembers... (11/28/2014)

Mostly Bugs Bunny!

Picture courtesy of emuparadise

BUGS BUNNY: LOST IN TIME (PS1)

    Hey, another game I used to always rent as a kid! Noticing a theme, here? My sister and I really enjoyed this game. In fact, I've been wanting to buy it recently, but I'm pretty sure, for a complete copy, it's pretty expensive. At any rate, even though the graphics aren't great, and I'm sure the gameplay doesn't hold up anymore (even back then I remember being irritated by the semi-crappy controls), it's still holds a special place in my heart. It had a large varieties of levels and environments, and there was a lot of stuff to try and find per level. Not the best game, but you could find way worse.

Picture courtesy of wikia

BUGS BUNNY: RABBIT RAMPAGE (SNES)

    See my opening sentence for the game above. I've been wanting to play this recently as well. Luckily, cart only this game is dirt cheap. I remember it being pretty hard too. It's a simple platformer with all the Looney Tunes characters. The graphics were pretty good. I don't think I ever made it very far in the game, but I always remember the snowy opening level. And when you boot the game up, Marvin the Martian says, "Boom" in his dumb voice. There is also the saloon level, which maybe was the level following the snow one. Again, I don't know how good this game is now, but it's still probably decent.

Picture courtesy of wikipedia

BUGS BUNNY: BIRTHDAY BLOWOUT (NES)

    A rare NES game I actually remember playing the hell out of. I wonder if we owned this at one time, or I just rented it several times? I honestly don't remember much from it. You control Bugs, and you run through levels, and you...jump? Sure, why wouldn't Bugs jump? Why the hell did I play so many Bugs Bunny games? I don't ever remember being a huge Looney Tunes fan. But I did have a Bugs Bunny stuffed animal, so maybe I just really liked him? At any rate, I wouldn't mind playing this again, just for nostalgia's sake. 

Picture courtesy of wikipedia

TOY STORY (SNES)

    Okay, I don't think I can talk about any more Bugs Bunny games. But, staying on the cartoon theme, Toy Story is a movie I hold very near-and-dear to my heart. It came out nineteen years ago, so I was eight when it came out. I remember the game being tough. What licensed SNES game wasn't? I don't remember much beyond Woody being the main character. There are side-scrolling sections, and there is at least one section (maybe more?) where you have to drive the RC car around. I remember this being frustrating as hell. The graphics were good too.

Picture courtesy of gameoldies

SKULLMONKEYS (PS1)

    This is a bizarre game. VERY bizarre. It's a platformer that uses a claymation style animation throughout, and it really looks great. It's full of weird enemies and bosses. It really has to be played to understand how crazy it is. Check out a playthrough on Youtube or something! As is common for platformers, there's lots of stuff to collect, and lots of jumps to make. I'm pretty sure this game is pretty tough too. You guys love my descriptions of these games? My memory is so bad. Why did I decide this weekly post would be a good idea? Anyway, my copy doesn't fully work. It gets to a certain point in the game, probably half way through, and freezes. It's pretty disappointing, because I'd love to play this to completion. Anyway, if you can find a copy, get it!




    Sorry for the extreme lateness of this post. I promised last week that Thanksgiving wouldn't delay this post being put up on Friday. Eh, I was awfully wrong. Hopefully, I can still have a brand new one up on this Friday. Thanks for reading!

Songs from Frozen, RANKED

Do you want to read a list?

    This is the second of two posts about my two-year old daughter, Kara. Well, it's not about her necessarily, but it's in honor of her. Yesterday (edit: her birthday was four days ago!) was her birthday (and some dumb holiday called Thanks-something-or-other), and I put up a post about her favorite TV shows and movies. I have a follow up list today: it's all about the songs from the movie Frozen. I'm sure this hasn't been done to death, right? At any rate, this is the definite ranking of the songs from the hit movie, based on the official soundtrack. There's nine total songs, plus an (dis)honorable mention.Sorry for the lateness of this post. I really wanted to have it up Friday, but I just didn't get to it. I blame that on laziness. Also, I listened to the soundtrack for this movie at least three full times yesterday, so today I am locked in and focused. Let's skip through a magical snowy wonderland of music!

9. "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?"

    Originally, I had this one at number seven, but listening to it so many times yesterday, I can safely say this song blows, and it's the worst one featured in the movie. Luckily it's over with in the first ten minutes. It's a very overrated song, and really, it's just so damn sad. I wanna be happy watching a kids' movie, dammit! I would file this song under "annoying".

8. "Fixer Upper"

    Man, this song sucks too. The trolls are the worst part of the movie, so it's only fitting they have (almost) the worst song. As I wrote in my notes: "This song blows. Trolls blow. The end." I'll briefly expand upon those deep thoughts: the trolls are annoying and unfunny. Their voices kind of annoy me too. Nothing about these little rock bastards is any good. Especially that little girl.

7. "Reindeer(s) Are Better Than People"

    This song is pretty dumb, but it has a silly charm to it. Also, it's like fifty seconds long, so it can't be that bad, right? No trolls at least.

6. "In Summer"

    This is Olaf's big number. He's generally a pretty likeable (and actually occasionally funny) character, and this song has a few kind of funny lines (the whole theme of the song is clever too). Overall though, this one leaves me cold (HAR HAR!!!)

5.  "For the First Time in Forever (reprise)"

    This one is shorter than its counterpart, but still good. It starts off a little slow, but really swells to a great ending (great visiually during the movie too). I like the back-and-forth singing of Anna and Elsa. I wish more of the songs had that dynamic. Anyway, pretty neat song.

4. "For the First Time in Forever"

    This one is a fun song. Basically the opposite of "Do YOu Want To Build a Snowman?". Boy, what a fucking dumb downer song that is. This one here is also quite famous (for fuck's sake, they are ALL famous), but thankfully it's quite a bit more listenable (and catchy!). Has a few funny lines too, which is always a plus.

3. "Let It Go"

    This is THE song from the movie. Everyone knows it. Everyone sings it. It's definitely over-played and overrated,  but it's still plenty good. This part of the movie has some great imagery, and the lyrics to this song convey that well. Lyrically, probably the best song in the movie. Elsa has quite a voice to boot.

2. "Frozen Heart"

    While most of these songs are HELLA overrated, this one is underrated. In fact, I didn't care for this song the first 25 dozen times I saw the movie. But it really grows on you. It's short, foreboding, and interesting. It's also sneaky-catchy. I love the group grunt towards the end too: "HA!" (but not like, "ha ha, that's a funny joke"). Maybe it could be spelled, "HUH!" Anway, this song rocks the house.

1. "Love is an Open Door"

    I really like the dual-vocals in this song. This is the only song Prince Hans sings in, and maybe because if people heard his wonderful voice too much, they wouldn't believe he was such a dick. Again, like the reprise of "First Time in Forever", I really like how Anna and Hans go back and forth. This one also has good (and some funny) lyrics. All in all, I could listen to this song six or seven more times before I despise it for all eternity.




    There you have it, folks! If anyone tries to tell you that "Love is an Open Door" isn't the best song, or if they tell you "Frozen Heart" sucks, you have my permission to deliver the haymaker of all haymakers to their dumb jaws. But, as I look at this list, I feel like I'm missing something. After all, I only have nine songs listed here, but there are ten on the CD? Time for an honorable mention:

Honorable garbage mention - 10: "Let It Go" (Demi Lovato version)

    ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HORRENDOUS.


     I hope you've all enjoyed this! Again, Kara, if you read this in the future, don't mind the cursing, and thank you for allowing me to listen to these wonderful songs a total of 88,574 times in the last two months.

Movies/shows my daughter watches, RANKED!

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!

"Oooooh my goodness, dad is writing a blog post about me!"

    I'm a father. Some of you probably did not know that. If you had told anyone (myself included) six or seven years ago that I would be a dad, and I would absolutely love it, they would have told you, "Pssh, you don't know Shane very well, poindexter." I've had family tell me they still think it's weird when they see my with my daughter, because it's just such a foreign sight for them. I used to hate kids. Actually,  I still hate kids. Just not my daughter. Most peoples' kids bug the shit out of me. But that's neither here nor there. This post is a second in my "sentimental" series (I made a blog post to my wife for our two year anniversary. Read it and get all verklempt here). You see, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. But who gives a shit? Tomorrow is also my daughter Kara's TWO YEAR BIRTHDAY. I cannot even believe two years have passed since my wife endured 51 (51!) hours of labor and gave birth to our six-week premature darling. This post (and the following one) is dedicated to my beautiful, smart, clever, annoying, frustrating, foul-mouthed (whoops), happy, jewel of a daughter. Kara, if you ever read this, know I love you more than I can amateur-ly put into words.

    Enough with that mushy stuff! My daughter watches TV and movies. I've decided to rank everything she watches regularly (and asks to watch), from worst to best, based on how much I like them. Join me, if you will?

HONORABLE MENTION: Gilmore Girls

  
    Kara asks to watch Gilmore Girls all the damn time. My wife just finished watching it through Netflix, and she would watch it while Kara was in the same room. I'm not putting this on the official list, because unlike everything else on this list, she can't sit and watch or understand any of this show, for even a few seconds. It doesn't stop her from asking for it (note, if I were to rank this, it would be in top five probably)

9. Super Why!

    Super Why! is a show about a little boy named Wyatt. He tries to solve all the complex problems of life through the reading and comprehension of fairy tales. He has some friends that assist him. Firstly, the whole show is done in a pretty crappy-looking computer animated style, so that turns me off. Also, the songs are incredibly lame, and they come off as almost sounding lazy. This is a show for small children, so I should cut it some slack, but no. Fuck that. This show is pretty awful. While I appreciate the fact that it wants to teach through reading, it doesn't get any extra points for that. Wyatt and his pals sit at number nine.

8. Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood

    This might be my daughter's current favorite show. Unbeknownst to me at the time of our first watching, but this show is sort of a cartoon continuation of Mister Roger's Neighborhood. It's done in an almost South Park style animation. This show is as equally awful as Super Why!, but it's saved by one thing: the opening song. It's so damn infectious, and the guy that sings it has such a silky-smooth voice that it just cheers me up. Sure, the other songs border on DISGUSTINGLY HORRIFIC, and the show in general is mighty inane, but I guess it teaches kids stuff? Stuff like how crayons are made, and that it's okay to be nervous before a doctor's appointment. You know, important stuff. Anyway, if not for that damn opening song, I might flip-flop this and Super Why!

7. Frozen

    I know this is the hottest goddamn movie to grace the big screen in the last 95,000 years, but talk about overrated (don't mind the fact that I'm dedicating my next blog post to it). It's a decent movie to watch once a year, maybe. But I've watched it probably 75 times since August, and I think I'm qualified to say the following: uuuuuuuuuuuughghghhhahdhdlslsysya. Seriously though, this girl is OBSESSED with Frozen. She loves all the merchandise, and she can sit and watch the movie for long stretches. I can't wait for the next big movie to come out and dethrone this one. She actually gets pretty into the trailers for Big Hero 6, so maybe that'll be the winner?

6. Monsters, Inc.

    Now we get into the real nitty-gritty. Kara loves the two Monsters movies. L-O-V-E-S them. She can sit and watch them for loooooong stretches, and she plays with all the toys (and stuffed animals. And books. And other miscellany). I like this movie a lot. It's charming, decently funny for a children's movie, has good characters, and has an interesting plot (even though I could poke a million and one holes in their logic throughout the two movies). If you haven't seen this Pixar masterpiece, what the hell are you waiting for?

5. Monsters University

    The sequel to Monsters, Inc. is the first movie or TV show that my daughter was obsessed with. This was the first thing she watched for longer than 30 seconds. We would watch this every night before bed. It was our family ritual. I'm in the minority that likes this movie better than the first. The story is a little better, it has some great new characters, and the end of the movie (the last 30 minutes or so) doesn't go where you'd expect, which is nice. Very enjoyable for kids and adults alike. "I can't go back to jail!"

4. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

    I enjoy Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I enjoy it probably way more than I should. It's a dumb show, really. What toddler's show isn't? But it has all those classic Disney characters, and it's just really fun (in a brain dead sort of way). Also, it has absolutely kick ass songs. Almost all the songs are fun and they knock it out of the park. You know the band They Might Be Giants? The guys that made the theme song for the show Malcolm in the Middle? Well, they do the theme song for this (along with the "Hot Dog" song, which is featured in every episode). So, even if you don't have kids, watch MMCH. No one will judge you.

3. Toy Story 

    God, I LOVE this movie. To death. I watched this in the theaters (when I was 8. This shit came out 19 years ago) when it came out. It holds a very special place in my heart. It has awesome characters, a great story (even though some of the movie logic makes no sense), it's touching and funny. I don't need to sell you on the merits of Toy Story. I'd like to note that when Kara asks for Toy Story, it could actually be the first or the third. It's usually whatever my wife and I want to watch at the time. Unlike the Monsters movies, which Kara will specify which one she wants to watch, she always will just say, "I wanna watch Toy Story." The third one is great too, but the first is one of my favorites of all time. Good choice Kara!

2. Futurama

    Yes, my daughters asks to watch Futurama on a daily basis. Now obviously, she doesn't understand anything that's going on, and this is a show not intended for two-year-olds, but that doesn't stop her. I almost feel bad including it on here, because she doesn't sit and watch it too much, but god she asks for it ALL THE DAMN TIME. I love Futurama. It's clever, funny, incredibly smart, and has all those awesome characters. I love it almost as much as I love...

1. The Simpsons

    Yes, Kara loves The Simpsons more than she loves Futurama. And with The Simpsons, she can actually sit and watch it for a bit. In fact, we sat and watched "Tennis the Menace" (ugh, season twelve shenanigans) together tonight, and watched almost the whole thing. She also has several of my old Simpsons toys that she plays with often. She can identify Bart, Marge, Mr. Burns, Krusty the Clown, Homer (sometimes referred to as, "Bart"), and Smithers (sometimes referred to as, "Mr. Burns"). She doesn't really understand what's going on, but she can point out when Homer falls, which she enjoys. The Simpsons is my favorite show of all time (look for some blog posts on it soon), so it was very easy to call this one my favorite show that Kara watches/always asks to watch.




    That's all folks! Kara will occasionally ask to watch "Krusty the Snowman" (Instead of Frosty the Snowman.See? Simpsons influence invading every aspect of her life. Daddy's girl!), and she was really into Curious George a few days ago, but these are the main nine she always wants to watch. Look for a separate Frozen post, hopefully today (Thanksgiving fools!). If not, it will be up Friday. It's part two of my silly dedication to my amazing daughter. Daddy loves you Kara!

Shane Remembers... (11/21/2014)

Crappy handheld crappiness!

Picture courtesy of handheldmuseum

PAPERBOY 2 (TIGER HANDHELD)

    As far as I remember, this is the only Tiger handheld I had. And I loved it. I know they pumped out probably hundreds of these things, all with varying degrees of quality (and fun), but this one was simple enough to work. You rode your bike, avoided crazy hazards, and threw papers into mailboxes. I always thought that kid on the handheld looked like he was not having nearly the fun that the little electronic guy in the game was having. That's a LOT of newspapers. Anyway, I sucked at this game and couldn't beat maybe the second level. God, why was I so bad at video games?

Picture courtesy of mobygames

TONY HAWK'S PRO SKATER (GB COLOR)

    This game, and most others I had for my Gameboy Color at the time, is the reason I grew up with such disdain for handhelds in general. This game is such garbage. In my naivety I was hoping it would SORT OF MAYBE replicate the PS1 experience. It absolutely did not. All I remember was there were half-pipe levels and there were like overhead skate park levels. I guess the graphics were decent enough, but I don't think there was a whole lot you could do. Nothing about the game was fun in the least. I had the second game as well, and while I remember it being slightly better, it still sucked. Thanks Tony!

Picture courtesy of gameoldies

WWF WRESTLEMANIA 2000 (GB COLOR)

    Exhibit B in my case against handhelds. Of course, you could take any console, and only show someone a handful of shitty games, and they could say, "well, this whole console sucks". But, this was what I had for my Color at the time. I was OBSESSED with the WWF in the late 90s, so I needed wrestling games. I had some great ones for the PS1, but when it was time to bring the experience handheld, well, let's just say they don't quite stack up. I remember wanting to like this game so very badly, but it's cryptic controls, bland graphics, and just generally un-fun gameplay killed it for me. It was a fairly bare bones game, if I remember correctly. I wish I had been exposed to some of the awesome RPGs that are available for the Gameboy Color back in the day, instead of crappy games like this. Oh well, I know better now. I AM an adult, after all!

Picture courtesy of wikipedia

THE ORANGE BOX (specifically, Half-Life 2) (PS3)

    Were you expecting more handheld junk? Were you not expecting something from PS3 to land on these pages? Well, I wanted to keep this all focused on retro, but I don't have it set in stone. This was the second thing I ever bought for my new PS3 back in 2008 (the year I bought my PS3. I still have that same one too!). The first game I bought for it was Metal Gear Solid 4. Honestly, I could have mixed up the order in which these two were purchased. I hope no one holds that against me. At any rate, this is a pretty interesting little set of games here. I purchased it for Half-Life 2, so that's what I'm going to reminisce about. However, I will just say that this is worth it alone just for Portal. Anyway, Half-Life 2. Everyone loves it. It's hailed as the greatest FPS ever. Braces yourselves, people. I'm about to drop something major. Men, you might wanna sit down. Pregnant women should probably leave the room, for fear of upsetting the pregnancy. Okay, here goes nothing: I don't think Half-Life 2 is that great...

    ...anyone still here? Of course not! No one was here in the first place! Anyway, I don't think this game is anything special. I always considered it a chore to play it. It wasn't something that I looked to with great anticipation to play. It was more like, "well, I only have Half-Life 2 to play on my PS3, so I guess I'll play Half-Life 2". It's certainly not bad, but I don't understand the accolades it gets. It doesn't really hold up that well, I don't think. I probably just didn't play it at the right time. It just came off as, "eh, it's fine". Give me fucking Timesplitters any day of the week. Cortez will wipe the floor with Gordon, or whatever his crowbar-wielding ass is called, any day of the week.

Picture courtesy of wikipedia

RUGRATS: SEARCH FOR REPTAR (PS1)

    I had the DAMNEDEST time trying to figure out the last game to put here. I wanted to stick with the handheld theme, but I couldn't come up with anything. I had very few handheld games growing up. So instead, here's a dumb Rugrats game! As a child growing up in the '90's, Nickoldeon was my jam. This show was one of my favorites. So naturally, you buy games of your favorite shows/movies. This one my sister and I enjoyed playing quite a bit. In fact, I look back on this game with such fondness that I would probably buy it again to replay it. You played as one of the little kids in a 3D world, and there were various missions to do, based I believe on episodes of the TV show. What I remember the most is the mini golf level. Oh, and the bad graphics. Still, it was fun exploring the Pickles' house, looking for missions. You know what? I AM gonna buy this game again (provided it isn't expensive. It's not THAT great)

    Thanks for checking out another rambling Friday post. Now, next week is Thanksgiving week. Does that mean I won't have a new "Shane Remembers..." post up? What am I, some lazy guy? Fully expect a new one up on Friday!

Also, the culprit was the dog all along